I'm hoping today is my come back day

[JulieByf]

Since November I have only ran 3 or 4 times due to lack of motivation.Unfortunately, my husband passed away late October and he was the one who would encourage me to get out there and do it. I would come home from work and say 'I should go for a run really but....I'm too busy, it's too miserable out there, too cold, dinner needs cooking etc'. You get the drift. Mark would reply 'Julie, stop whining, get your lazy ar*** upstairs, get changed and go'. So after more mumbling and whinging I would do just that and go for a run. Of course I would come back feeling maybe not a million dollars but a good few thousand pounds at least. Always glad I'd made the effort (with a little encouragement of course) and feeling pleased with myself. I suppose it was a little unacknowledged game we played.

I tried the whining tactic with my son and all I got was a shrug of the shoulders and a 'don't go then'. That didn't work.

So today I woke up early, unintentionally and I thought I could go for a run now and not waste the day. I had a little tussle with the gremlins but I won and quite quickly as well. So, what I am trying to say is that I am hoping today has broken the barrier I have been facing and that I will run a bit more regular from now on. There's no doubt it makes you feel good, even if you are slow and puffy like me. Here's hoping...

[misswobble Graduate10]

Morning Julie 🙂

I’m sorry to hear of the loss of your husband 😔. He would be pleased to know that you’re still running though. He’s that voice in your head telling you to get out the door 🙂

Enjoy your run! 😀🏃‍♀️😎🌝. I’ll join you 👍

[JulieByf in reply to misswobble]

Thank you. I'm going to do my best to keep it up.

[skysue16 Graduate10]

Julie very well done for ‘getting out there’ 👍😊 You should feel very pleased with yourself. I really hope this is the start of regular runs for you - you know you LOVE it really 😂. I am also trying to get back to regular runs, I used to manage two a week but work pressure over this last year have got in the way. But today I had a great run in the glorious sun (just 6k) and since it is a bank holiday hopefully run on Monday too. This forum is good for motivation 😊

[JulieByf in reply to skysue16]

This group is brilliant for motivation. That's one reason why I posted. I had to tell someone to help me rationalise it. Your right. I do love it really, I'm just trying to convince myself.

[SueAppleRun Graduate10 60minGraduate]

It's doubly hard isn't it? When there's no longer the support team encouraging you out? I've found that running clothes are a bit like satsumas.....peel a satsuma and it gets eaten. ...put running clothes on and the run gets done!

Slow is fine, puffy is ok, and running is healing, we either let the mind empty or we process all that has happened... Either way it passes the time and makes us feel better about life.

I'm sending you a huge virtual hug 🤗 and some healing thoughts, be kind to yourself and do what you can, and know we will all cheer you on.

[JulieByf in reply to SueAppleRun]

Thank you SueAppleRun. Hug gratefully accepted. Luckily I have good family and good friends around me, plus this forum. It all helps.

[Annieapple]

🍏🤗 Grief is hard work &I feel for you in this deep anguish of losing a part of you! However the best thing your body is hinting at now is a run…it’s sooo good once you are there… you can laugh or cry as you process what’s been happening… you can enjoy the beauty around you without feeling guilty for being alive.. there’s so much that can happen on a run and every run is different! We are here to back you up, hold you up, encourage you …whatever you need…Run Julie Run 🏃‍♀️ xx

[JulieByf in reply to Annieapple]

Thank you Annie apple. That's what I'm hoping for. Guilt is awful, especially when you know your partner would be cross with you for feeling it. I've discovered that running and crying is not a good mix. I find it hard enough without crying too. The worst event of my life will not beat me, I am adamant about that, it's just getting used to my new normal. I'm missing the old bugger terribly 🥲

[skysue16 Graduate10 in reply to JulieByf]

😢

[MissUnderstanding Administrator Graduate10]

I’m so for your loss. Sincere condolences to you and your family. It’s so hard to lose a loved one. Sending hugs.

My best friend died last year and I found running helpful through grief. It was a way I could go out and think about her, or not thjnk about her, or just not really think about anything except for the steps just in from of me. It was something positive in a hard time, I still miss her and that loss won’t go away. It has got easier to carry over time.

You’ll find now you’re a runner who ran yesterday rather than ages ago, it’ll make it much easier to get out and run again. You’ve got a lot of virtual run buddies rooting for you here. Really good luck ❤️

[JulieByf in reply to MissUnderstanding]

Thank you. Unfortunately, we all have to go through this type of awful thing in our lives. I think we are lucky to run, it helps a lot during these times and even luckier to be on this forum with so much support. Here's to many more runs. X

[Jools2020 Graduate10]

I’m so, so sorry that you’re going through this. Grief has stages and shows in many different ways.

I agree that it’s a great idea to immediately put your running clothes on before the gremlins persuade you not to run!

Sometimes it helps to have a goal. Maybe it’s too soon for that and you just need to run! My therapist told me to run and concentrate on my feet hitting the pavement. A connection. Then to listen carefully to see what I could hear. Concentrate on the visual - what’s going on around you? Check out the trees and the flowers? Pause and touch the leaves for a few moments. I thought ‘ridiculous!’ But I tried it because I was paying her money 😊 and it did seem to help.

I’ve found running to be healing and actually, also crying while running. I don’t do the crying part so often now. I’ve been trying to keep a low heartrate while running and crying raises my heartrate !!

As others have said, we’re here for you, cheering you on from the sidelines. Every run is a victory! ❤️

[JulieByf in reply to Jools2020]

Thank you for your wise and kind words. Some days are better than others and any advice is gratefully received. Normality helps a lot and keeping busy. Thinking can be a challenge because it normally ends up in a few tears. I'm so glad that I am part of this community, it gives me the heart and reasons to keep running.

[Dexy5 Graduate10]

Well done Julie. I am sorry for the loss of your husband and your running supporter. I hope you will find that posting on here can provide you with some encouragement to keep you getting out there, especially now the weather is improving. You’ve done the hard bit, now keep going, one step in front of the other.

[JulieByf in reply to Dexy5]

I hope I will. Now I've begun again I hope to keep up the momentum. Everyone is being so kind and understanding. I hope to be a regular poster and also hope I don't bore everyone too much.

[Madwife60]

welcome back. Grief is a slow process and you just take each day as it comes. I’m a big believer in mindfulness and nothing like a run however long, short, fast or slow to bring your mind into focus. Sending you a big virtual hug and remember you’ve always got a friend on this forum and most importantly a friend who never judges xxxxx

[JulieByf in reply to Madwife60]

Thank you for your encouraging words. It's 6 months now and I feel like I've made good progress but little things trip you up sometimes. A thought, a film, a song, even an item of clothing in a shop that I see that I think Mark would like. Hey ho, it's a long old path ahead but I'll keep walking it knowing Mark would be pleased that I haven't crumpled and given up. I can hear him saying ' oh stop being so tragic and get on with it'. 😁

[skysue16 Graduate10]

Hi Julie just found this post of yours again….wondering how things are going 🤔 This must be a difficult time for you…..take care.

[JulieByf]

Hi skysueThank you for your message. This week has been a bit sad, as it's the anniversary of Mark's passing. I have got good friends and family around me so they have kept me busy. I have to confess that my running has been very intermittent over the last 6 months. I had hoped I would be running on a more regular basis by now but I still have such a lot of stuff to sort out. It all takes time but I have run a few times recently. I do a bootcamp session 3 times a week so I am managing to keep my fitness levels up.

My son has organised a party soon in memory of Mark with all his friends and family. Mark always wanted a party to celebrate his life and not a miserable wake after his funeral. Of course, a party is inappropriate after a funeral hence why my son has organised one now. My husband was a bit of a party animal, so we will all have fun and remember happy times on the day.

It's really kind of you to be in contact. I think I am doing okay. 👌