Thank you Mr Runner Ashridge NT Estate :)

[SmashedPotato]

Morning all Despite increasingly challenging and painful times coping with mum's dementia and having made THE most difficult decision I think I have ever had to make for another human bean, to move mum into a care home near my home. With a place now available sooner than I had hoped and knowing itis too good an opportunity to miss out on. There are only eleven residents, it feels so homely and the staff seem genuinely welcoming and invested in their residents' care. Living at mum's through the week and travelling home at weekends to see my hubby is beginning to take its toll. With winter approaching I do not think I can sustain this even with the support of carers coming in and factoring in mum's inevitable decline. And mum's remaining savings are dwindling, when her home will need to be sold to fund future care at some point in the next few months. A no brainer then if you will excuse the expression, but I still feel sooooooo bad about it.

Anyway, if you have got this far, on a far more positive note. Since May I have kept running twice a week on the country lanes around my mum's village (yay!) This has undoubtedly kept me sane and a welcome release for pent up energy and frustrations. Recently I even purchased myself a second pair of super dooper more cushioned running shoes (in a rather lurid turquoise blue (pourquoi bleu?) well they were half price in the sale, who cares - and you can see me coming!). Tarmac running was steadily taking its toll on my poor old feet and ankles and I now run(slow but steady for 1 hour 15 minutes without stopping - covering 7.5 - 8 km on my forays into the wilds of North Buckinghamshire's highways and byways.

Now to the point of my post (!?). This Sunday morning hubby and I took ourselves off to Ashridge. I was just about to call it a day, having reconciled myself that it was okay to stop before finishing our circular route (and having walked up two of the steeper hills anyway - Irish John's words resonating in my head (in short, it is not always about PB's etc but enjoying the journey....). I was still a bit disappointed with myself though. It was warm, humid and whilst for the most part I had enjoyed my run, I was still feeling the effects of a Chinese meal and a glass of wine from the previous evening. I was just about to stop and walk the final part of the run.

Suddenly a runner appeared from the opposite direction. A look of surprise on his face as he clocked me approaching, then a smile, and a (non patronising) look of sympathy as I was obviously struggling , then a wink and a 'good morning'. I grimaced then managed a grin back. That simple second or two of acknowledgement and empathy was all it took to spur me onwards for another few minutes to 'the bridge' where my run usually finishes. It meant a lot to 'finish' that day.

So a BIG thank you to Mr Runner and indeed to ALL you Runners out there who spur me on to keep this running malarkey going. I often think on your recent posts as I trot along - and I confess to sending a good wish here and there into the ether when one or more of our number is having a hard time of it one way or another.

Well this week is probably the week of mum's move, if you can spare me a wish, please send one my way if you will. SPx

[Stephen_UK Graduate10]

Hi SP. Wishing you all the best in these difficult times. Can’t imagine what you are going through, but pleased if running and this community can offer you some strength.

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to Stephen_UK]

Thank you Stephen for replying, much appreciated.. Waiting for the room to become available....... I am though very thankful that we are in a position to choose somewhere for mum, when so many others don't get a choice - an uncle of mine has been placed in a care home 2 hours by bus (2 changes en route) from home as no where closer available, and immediate family members cannot drive themselves there ...... so I am grateful we are not in that position SP

[SeeJillRun 60minGraduate]

A hard decision indeed but the place you have found for your mum sounds lovely. I’m sure your mum would understand and you’re doing the right thing for everybody, it definitely sounds like it was meant to be

Glad to hear you’re still getting out there. All the best for the upcoming move, I hope it’s not too stressful for you all x

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to SeeJillRun]

Thanks SeeJillRun - it helps to blaaaaaagh and appreciate your reply muchly xxxSP

[misswobble Graduate10]

Well done 💪😃👍

I went through a lot when my mum had dementia, and having an escape/release was my allotment. I am glad I found running though and I imagine it will be a big help to you. Our own physical health suffers because of the stress. I locked up with stress and had back spasms I also ate and drank to excess. I was in pretty bad shape by the time I came to get my life together

Good luck with your mum, and her being in a good place will be a weight off your mind and give you more time for yourself Enjoy your running 😃👍

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to misswobble]

Thank you misswobble and so sorry you went through a lot when your mum had dementia ..... I love my allotment too and it does help though I am unable to spend much time there these days and relying on dear hubby to water etc the bits and pieces I did get in this year. Yes I am trying to take care of physical health (chest pain is back which I know is tension based and feeling down) and I too am a comfort eater. Having lost 2 1/2 stone I am trying not to sabotage myself but this past week I have been stuffing myself with unhealthy stuff so I have had a word with myself this morning and will get back to my normal eating pattern if I can. I can feel the black dog hanging around so I will try and get out for a run today to keep him at bay. Your words of support mean a lot and it sounds as if you are in a much better place now. All the best xSP

[misswobble Graduate10 in reply to SmashedPotato]

I am far healthier now I eat healthy and run, plus I walk everywhere and have a borrowed dog or two to walk. I still have my plot but am neglecting it currently 🤨🙁

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to misswobble]

misswobble just popped down to our allotments on way home to check the greenhouse tomatoes and peppers ....... all well on that front and picked a few toms for lunch! I go through phases with my plot too, and to be honest looking at neighbouring plots - other than watering, weeding, picking and caterpillar spotting - not a lot going on down there so enjoy time out while you can xxx I am going to borrow a dog to take running with me soon, it makes such a difference being healthier and I am determined not to let it slip away albeit testing times. All the very best xSP

[misswobble Graduate10 in reply to SmashedPotato]

I’ve got greenhouses at home and beds of veggies I was in there yesterday hunting for cucumbers and cornichons for my salad. It’s like a jungle in there. I love it 🥰. Came out with chillies and tomatoes as well I made a fab stir fry for tea with a goodly cabbage I picked, together with garlic and onions previously harvested 😋. It’s great when a meal comes together 🤗

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to misswobble]

Nom nom nom! I agree tis nothing more satisfying

[GoGo_JoJo Graduate10]

Sending positivity in such a hard situation and hope that things get easier for you 💕

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

Bless you for your response. Much appreciated xSP

[cheekychipmunks Graduate10]

Oh wow SP, I wrote you a long reply as I was in the exact same boat 2 years ago. I thought I’d sent it, but it’s gone! Arrgghh.

Anyway, to paraphrase (as I’m out with my dog and need to concentrate!), mum used to live in our annexe. Two years she had a fall resulting in a hospital stay where they deduced she needed more care than I could give her, and we moved her into a fabulous dementia care home 30 minutes away. My husband and I see her twice a week each, my kids do whenever they can, and it’s the best decision I made. ❤️

So try not to be upset. It’ll be hard coming to terms with it I’m sure, but it’s the best thing for your mum and you. And you have your wonderful running as therapy.

Take care and good luck with her move. ❤️

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to cheekychipmunks]

Oh cheekychipmunks Thank you for sharing a piece of your world with me. It is encouraging and I am beginning to feel that this is the right decision thank goodness. Much appreciate your response. xSP

[Oldgirlruns Graduate10]

Hello SP, huge best wishes coming your way this week! Of course you feel bad about have to make such a decision but you know it’s the right one. But your Mum will be close by so you’ll be able to see her regularly; you’ll be in your own home so your own stress will reduce (and ‘weekending’ is stressful) and that must be better for her too. Wishing you all the best - and happy running in those blue shoes!

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to Oldgirlruns]

Morning Oldgirlruns All positive and sound advice, thank you. Sometimes I have to make myself open my ears and listen to the positive instead of drowning in the negative. Yes the blue shoes have been out and I am going to have a run in the rain this afternoon - love the smell of wet tarmac and leaves ........ takes all sorts! All the best and happy running SPx

[JonathanP Graduate10]

Well done and I hope your mum's move goes well .👍

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to JonathanP]

Thank you JonathanP - out trotting today all being well! SP

[DebJogsOn]

I'm glad the practicalities of moving your mum have gone smoothly - but can't pretend to fully appreciate the angst it must be causing you.

Hope the running and the good wishes of the running community (actual and virtual) continue to be a support.

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to DebJogsOn]

Thank you DebJogsOn - it is strange and I never thought it would be the case if anyone had asked me before I joined C25K. That whilst family and friends have been and continue to be a great support to me, sometimes it takes forum members' perspective outside one's immediate circle to provide the support I actually need especially at this time of change. What running stars you all are. SPx

[MuddledGardener Graduate10]

A difficult decision well-made. My dad still lives with me, and thankfully is still going strong (89 next week). Now you know your mum will be safe and well looked after, so you won’t be run ragged.

Regarding Mr. Runner, it is people like that, and indeed, all the lovely people on here, that have kept me going. Mutual support is SO important, not just in running, but in life in general. 😊

[SmashedPotato Graduate10 in reply to MuddledGardener]

Dear MuddledGardener It is wonderful your dad still lives with you and Happy Birthday Dad next week! You are doing what I so wanted to do and well done you for making it happen. Thank you for your mutual support and I return mine in spades .... SPx

[MuddledGardener Graduate10 in reply to SmashedPotato]

😘

[David_G]

Oh SP, that can’t have been an easy decision but I think it’s the right one. Some of these homes are lovely, like the one my grandma was in. She had a great time and treated with dignity and respect.🙂👍

Hope this gives you a chance to get back to some kind of normality. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time of it.

This running malarkey certainly helps me keep things in perspective and I don’t know what I’d do without it.🏃‍♂️

Best wishes to you, your mum and family💜

Take care and post on here if you need support 🙂

[SmashedPotato Graduate10]

Awww thanks David G for your kind and helpful words. I agree many homes and staff are lovely but this one feels so different to the one we had searched out 'just in case' last year. They have said I can stay with mum first couple of nights if I wish which is just fantastic as mum will be more at risk of falling until becomes orientated to her bedroom and en suite. A lovely view of the garden from her bedroom window and the fields beyond ...... I know I tend to share my world with others (not always a good thing), but it was only by mentioning I was looking again for somewhere for mum that a fellow allotmenteer suggested this home as his mum is there ....... and timing is everything as they say. Happy running SP

[Oldgirlruns Graduate10 in reply to SmashedPotato]

Another lovely post SP, I’m so pleased things are working out a bit better - your allotmenteers sound as supportive a bunch as your vrbs! Make the most of them- and enjoy your running!