Its three & half long years since i lost my devoted partner to dementia and the grief today is greater now than its ever been, with occasional respite from overwhelming aloneness.
When i do go out to meet up with friends ,I go, but rarely do i enjoy it, and cant wait to get home., I no longer fit in.
As a couple life is much easier, but being single again after many years is very hard, (I should point out we were a same sex couple) but almost all our friends were straight, whatever that means?
I get plagued with self doubts, could i have done more, could i have been nicer, knowing full well i did more than most, caring with David at home and seeing that slow drip, unrelenting decline, he couldn't walk, he couldn't talk, and became totally bedbound , doubly incontinent, but he or I never complained.
Without doubt its taken a heavy toll on my general and mental health, and meanwhile all that time I was running our business, indeed as i still do, but i'm weary and exhausted, i see no future, all see is a darkness enveloping me .
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We all have doubts about whether we could have done more and I totally understand that. I must add that it makes make difference here if you were same sex or not, your loss is just a painful as ours.
I'm so sorry that you're loss has taken it's toll on your health, grief can indeed affect both psychological health and as well as physical, and I strongly suggest you have a chat with Dr, now, after over 3years I feel you could do with some further support.
We're always here for you, so please do keep in touch, you're not alone.
Thankyou ,my 4 legged friends are well, they keep me grounded and i'm glad Baby is also well.x
Roddy my dear friend I've been with you most of this painful journey you've had and your post just brought tears, of course you could not have done more your a lovely caring man and David is proud of you at your strength and devotion to him caring whilst he was ill, and in your grief you bounce back time after time and this amazes me, and your solitute times, plus your dog dying, I have had 3 days without mam as she was away and it was starting to get to me not talking to a soul other than on here, and just knowing someone's there, I know what you mean about been part of a couple I often feel left out well just not like others at family doos etc there all couples, and you don't get invited to everything often nebours in past for instance, you've had such a lot to deal with with that house and buiseness, and all well there well getting there, so please don't beat yourself up be proud of yourself, my dad's strength and humour came in me after he died and David will be with you and part of you as we've mentioned this before and I know you find as I do comfort in knowing the spirit the soul is energy and cannot die, sending luv and a hug as always 🤗💛🌟🌈
Thankyou so much Mandy for your insightful comment, its made me see more clearly, and yes i do seem to bounce back despite the unending hiccups along the way, and like you recently i can go days without speaking to anyone and thats when aloneness hits me. You are an inspiration in times of uncertainty and i value our friendship beyond measure. Thankyou for being you.x
Hello. You have a very touching story. I care about someone very much and I will lose them soon. It's been close to 9 months. It keeps hurting more. I can't see it ever feeling less after he passes.My heart feels sad for the loss you experienced. I lost the man I thought I'd spend my life with in May '22. I still find myself realizing in different ways how I no longer have someone who I expected to be there later.
I didnt see your profile before posting this but I'll go take a look after.
I am So very sorry for your loss, and completely understand how difficult it is to lose someone so close. I lost my Sig. Other last Nov., and it's devastating. I, too, took care of him for almost three years --it took a great toll on me both physically & mentally, but I am glad that I could be there for him. However, I do "beat myself up," for all the "could of's," "should have's," wish I had been more understanding in some of the stituations, wish I could have been more patient, at times, etc., etc. I talked this (regrets) over with a Grief Counselor who has helped some. The loneliness I feel (even with people around) I can't explain --it's an emptiness that won't go away. Mike was my love, my friend, my Anchor, My Person. I just try to do one day at a time. It's a Struggle. They (are loved one's) are no longer suffering & this comforts me, some! I wish I had more faith (am agnostic), and I want So Much to believe that he (Mike) is watching over me. Maybe --No one knows for sure. There is a Grief Support Group on Facebook that I go to every night. So many going through the same thing --doesn't matter if Straight, or Gay --we are all human & grief is the price we pay for love, I guess! My Mom used to say, "There is No happy ending." Understand what she meant. This site is helpful, too!
hello Weatherwoman, indeed there is no happy ending, the pain of loss is all enveloping and no one understands unless they have been through the same. Regrets, we have a few, the could of's and should of's come rolling in too often, and the loneliness when out in a crowd becomes overwhelming, for i have never felt so alone in my life. Any time you want to vent, just drop me a line , and i wish you well in this new and difficult life.
Thank you for your caring reply. Venting helps to get things out & especially to people who understand and "get it!" I vent to my friends, at times, but try not to too often. Crying helps, too! Hugs, & healing thoughts coming your way!
Grief is an odd beastie; It creeps up on you and says 'I'm still here', Three and a half years is not the longest that a person has grieved their partner, Queen Victoria mourned Prince Albert for the rest of her life, always had his clothes set out for him, hot water brought up for him to shave, etc., she really went far beyond what would be classed 'normal.'
Don't worry, it is the small things that bring it back. It will ease eventually; I feel you might be better to try and get out more, not necessarily with friends, but how about a bereavement group, or something you have an interest in that you haven't kept up with?
I hope you can find something to help you to get about more.
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