Here is our first Topic from Catgirl1976, Dealing with anger and resentment during the grieving process.

[chloe40]

Here are some of my ideas and things I have found have helped.

Firstly take some quiet time for you and let non urgent things wait as they will still be there another time for you to sort with a pen and paper and a cup of tea and shut the door and sit down and make yourself comfy and have a think about what is it exactly that upsets you and why and write anything down no matter how small as things that upset one person don't upset another.

One example is writing down about sibling favouritism which has come up on my list that is a major thing that has brought up anger and resentment in me with things like them getting bought a house when none of us others did, getting into the local grammar school by appeal and I didn't and my brother passed his exam on his own merits which I wasn't cross about, them getting taken to parties and I wasn't and made my own way there and when you look at what's going on its not the surface things in themselves that upset me no what has done is the unfairness of it all which I feel is at the root of the anger and resentment.

Talking through anger and resentment with trusted friends is of help when they reassure you no those feelings aren't irrational and how you only wanted the same things and how I wasn't doing it deliberately to be malicious and that I don't go round planning to have ill will towards anyone on purpose and how things like that can hurt.

Exercise is good as well as it helps to calm you down and anything will do if you enjoy it as it takes you away from what's been eating at you.

Currently I am sorting through anger and resentment issues and have found that its what's behind those things I mentioned above is what has upset me more than the things in themselves and its the unfairness I feel that rankles.

I will work through the anger and resentment in time but it helps to have an idea what it is and why.

Hope this helps.

@Catgirl

[chloe40 Administrator]

Thank you very much Hidden

I'm sure this will be very helpful to others.

<3

[Hidden in reply to chloe40]

I have found I have mixed feelings on this.

First of all I do feel what's happened is a classic case of what goes around comes around as I feel its a result of the poor way they treated me over the years as they had no right to treat me in that manner just because I wasn't the child they wanted but in no way did I deliberately have wanted something like that to have come up but it wasn't something I could control as illness happens and no ones to blame.

Secondly I feel their behaviour towards me over the years was extremely stupid and self defeating as they could have had an OK relationship with me but threw that chance away through their own behaviour and yes I have been upset but over time I will come to terms with that as it was their own choice to behave in that manner. Long term they only hurt themselves by behaving in the nasty manner towards me really and were very stupid in throwing that chance of an OK relationship away through their own behaviour.

Perhaps the things I was criticised over weren't right for me but ultimately it was my decision and my choice and that should have been respected.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your though Hidden

[GoGo_JoJo]

Anger and resentment I know all too well. Exercise is definitely useful, getting away from everything, letting Nature help you heal.

Sadly I allowed this to become almost a form of punishment following my mother's death, pushing myself harder and harder so it is important to keep it moderate.

👍🏻