Do reading about the circumstances of... - Bereavement Care ...

Bereavement Care & Share

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Do reading about the circumstances of others loss help in any way or would you rather not know?

chloe40
chloe40Administrator

Personally it helps me to read how others are coping no matter how short or long their posts, but I'd like to know how you feel. <3

Chloe<3

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22 Replies

I find it helpful as its nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like that!

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to Catgirl1976

Thanks Catgirl1976 It's good to have you around and thanks for supporting our members too! <3

kenster1
kenster1Volunteer

I obviously don`t like reading of someone`s loss and suffering but reading posts pure from the heart are important because people like to tell the story in the hope others can relate to it and in turn supported.another platform I use kept deleting my posts about my losses in case it triggered anyone so it was like you had deprived of telling your story.

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to kenster1

That's absolutely right Kenny, thank you!

I'm so sorry that your posts were treated so poorly.

Chloe <3

I think it's both comforting to know that we're not alone and also an important way to stop any "wallowing". I tried more than once to get it through to my mother when she was either wallowing or playing the martyr that 150,000 people die every day. Just think of how many spouses, parents, siblings, friends are affected...

We never know what is occurring in others lives if we don't listen, or ask.

It's also useful for complex grief to understand that whatever we are feeling has been felt by others too, we're not weird, abnormal or not grieving "right".

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo

Thank you GoGo_JoJo

I particularly like 'It's also useful for complex grief to understand that whatever we are feeling has been felt by others too, we're not weird, abnormal or not grieving "right".

Thanks Jo

<3

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to GoGo_JoJo

I am sorry, but I feel really uncomfortable with the use of the word, 'wallowing.' I know the definition of the word, but I am uncertain in what sense it is meant here.

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to Marnie22

GoGo_JoJo please reply

GoGo_JoJo
GoGo_JoJo in reply to Marnie22

Sorry, didn't see the notification...

I'm using it in the sense that, certainly in my mother's case, she set out to almost enjoy her grief and to use it against others. Her annoyance at the fact that wearing black was no longer a signal of grief was great. Her grief, whilst certainly real, could also be used as yet another tool to manipulate.

Sadly my mother was deeply narcissistic so there were other layers to her grief that were not entirely related to her loss.

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo

Thank you GoGo_JoJo <3

kitty7
kitty7 in reply to GoGo_JoJo

Only I know how I feel. No one else can know how I feel. I suffer from complex grief and it is interesting to know how others feel but it doesn't alleviate my grief. Judging others is not helpful.

GoGo_JoJo
GoGo_JoJo in reply to kitty7

Likewise, only I know what I've been through and had to deal with. Thanks for judging me 👍🏻

kitty7
kitty7 in reply to GoGo_JoJo

That's my opinion. You are too quick to judge.

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to kitty7

No one is judging kitty7 the post was a personal account only as you would see if you re-read it.

Here at Bereavement Care & Share we care and support each other, we do not judge others but talk about our own circumstances.

Chloe

kitty7
kitty7 in reply to chloe40

Chloe: I don't want to be sarcastic so please read GoGo_JoJo response to me.

GoGo_JoJo
GoGo_JoJo in reply to kitty7

Says the person having judged me so 🤣 as I recall, 🤔 yep, pretty darn sure... you weren't there but hey, you do you 👍🏻

Catgirl1976
Catgirl1976 in reply to kitty7

That's the thing isn't it only you know how you feel and things that upset one person don't bother another.

kitty7
kitty7 in reply to Catgirl1976

I totally agree only you know how you feel. Everyone processes things differently.

Catgirl1976
Catgirl1976 in reply to kitty7

is that your kitty in the pic then?

We have an extremely spoilt elderly ginger tabby called baby who is 17 soon!

Yes I do get ‘comfort’ from reading about others. Of course I wouldn’t wish grief on them but yes reading about other people’s experiences makes me feel not so alone or abnormal. If that makes sense

chloe40
chloe40Administrator in reply to Caza

Thank you @Caza

Yes, that's how I feel too !

<3

chloe40
chloe40Administrator

I am now closing this thread now as I don't want this forum to become one where members bicker, it is not helpful to anyone, least of all those suffering grief <3

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