Trying to work through it

[KasiGreenwood]

Hi everyone,

So to simply put it: I lost my father to suicide last week Monday. I am enduring the fact of being his daughter that found him at the barn, and having to call my mom at work.

He had been dealing with back pain for years. Went through surgeries that didn’t work, and suffered from depression that he didn’t deal with.

He was a great man who loved helping people, but really struggled with asking for help. The typical John Wayne farm boy mentality “you’re the man of the house.”

I have some therapy appointments scheduled but I wanted to reach out to anyone who has handled losing a family member this way/ended being the person finding that family member. Just really trying to be strong but finding that it’s harder than I thought it would be:

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello KasiGreenwood

A very warm welcome to our Community.

Words cannot express how sorry I am for the loss of your Father and for the dreadful shock you have experienced. <3

I believe we do have some members who have faced this situation and I'm hoping they will reach out to you soon.

In the meantime, we are always here to support you, we're a very friendly forum with wonderful members <3

Chloe

[KasiGreenwood in reply to chloe40]

Thank you. Just trying to express grief in the healthiest way I can

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to KasiGreenwood]

Absolutely KasiGreenwood

You certainly need to be very aware of your own health both mentally and physically and that is exactly what you are doing <3

[socratesanne]

Kasi, So sorry for the loss and glad you reached out to others who can help you. There is a good book on complicated grief and one that is in journal form. If interested I will get the title for you when you feel ready as now things are so raw for you now. Take good care and our hearts are with you.

[KasiGreenwood in reply to socratesanne]

Thank you so much. I’d be happy to look at it.

[socratesanne in reply to KasiGreenwood]

Healing after loss, A Daily Journal For working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Need to get the Complicated Grief title tomorrow but think that is the title. I will get back to you on that specific, if it is still in print. There is a great check list on a list of ways to proceed through grief. There is also a workbook that allows you to go heal through seasons of grief with poetry on the seasons, which I specially like. I will get that title for you as well. Take good care.

[KasiGreenwood in reply to socratesanne]

Thank you so much. Anything I can do to express grief in a healthy way I’m all for.

[KasiGreenwood]

I can’t help but in someways feel like I somehow caused my dad to take his own life. I was with him everyday and I just wish I would have picked up how bad it was. He never let on how bad it was until I found him

[Nathalie99 in reply to KasiGreenwood]

I am so sorry, KasiGreenwood.

It's the worst feeling when we lose someone close in this way.

He didn't express how bad it was and you didn't know...you did your best and it isn't your fault.....

You have life of your own and it's impossible to know what's going to happen.

Suicide leaves the closest people in such a shock and it is a trauma.

Have you tried reaching out to a professional? Talking with someone about this might help.

Sending my heartfelt support...