Anxiety

[chloe40]

I'm interested to know dear members,what you did to overcome the anxiety associated with Grief and loss or if indeed you haven't yet managed to conquer anxiety as yet. If you haven't, please don't give up, you will overcome this in time and we'll have a discussion about this soon.

Chloe <3

[Skye001]

It's been three years since my husband died. For the first 18 months I carried on the best I could for my family. I didn't have any physical symptoms of anxiety but then out of the blue I was having anxiety and panic attacks. I've had CBT and medication which helped but just before Xmas the anxiety has returned so I'm back on the medication. . I've realised I can't manage stressful situations, I too would like to know how other's manage this awful anxiety it can be really debilitating.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Skye001]

Hello Skye001

Welcome to our Community.

I'm surprised that anxiety hit 18mths after the loss of your dear husband. It could be because you had pushed yourself through that awful initial period when we're so tense about absolutely everything and then suddenly relaxed and it hit you.

Anxiety and panic attacks are just horrible, I've been through that myself. I'm glad you're doctor referred you for CBT and I am wondering if you are still on medication.

Stress is in my opinion, one of the main reasons for anxiety and I too couldn't cope with stress, yet thought I thrived on it, how wrong was I.

We will have a discussion about it soon <3

Chloe

[Skye001 in reply to chloe40]

My husband was killed in a car crash. It took 18 months for the court case and the person responsible to be found guilty of death by dangerous driving

He went to prison but is out now. I feel so angry that he is getting on with his life yet I am still suffering with this awful anxiety and the effect the actions of that night is still having on my family. I am taking mirtazapine and propranolol but every day life is a real struggle at the moment.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Skye001]

HI Skye001

This has been devastating for you {{{hugs}}}.

I can understand if the person responsible is now 'out' that this has contributed to your recurrence.

I really feel for you and it would be useful for you to see a Bereavement Counsellor or therapist, you need to be able to talk this over one to one, please think about it.

Chloe <3

[jasm]

I’m asking myself this same question daily. I don’t have an answer. I’m anxious every time my husband coughs, he has mild asthma but my mum died 29th December of IPF. I’m anxious about household products ingredients. I feel worried about everything.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to jasm]

Hi jasm

The loss of your dear Mum is still very raw and at the forefront of your mind, and because of that you worry about your husband and every cough he has. You're senses are heightened due to your loss .

I have asthma too and household products can be very strong, so you could avoid things like bleach, air fresheners, particularly plugins and any that have and overpowering smell.

You could try Meditation or Mindfulness and I chat about this another time.

Take care <3

Chloe

[Hidden]

Hi Chloe,

I was a troubled teen and then my brother died and the impact on the family was devastating.

For me it was reading books on buddhism and then most importantly Cold Comfort Farm where there is a shadow over the family as Aunt Ada Doom dominated the family and reinforced their fear and paranoia by constantly reminding everyone that she "saw something nasty in the cold shed" then by chance they have an American visitors who retorts with "did it see you?" And that let the genie out of the bottle and then they gradually all got on with their live happily.

And this had a profound effect on me as I realised that these negative cycles have an addictive nature and it's up to us to break these cycles of negative thinking.

I also love listening to emotional songs sometimes and listen to musicians like Leonard Cohen and Lucinda Williams who belts out how life and relationships give her the blues.

I feel for anyone who has lost someone dear to them and can't stop grieving.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Hidden]

Hello Hidden

I'm sorry you experienced that but pleased you managed to get through it and now have a very positive attitude.

So many of us find it so difficult to pull ourselves out of it, we know we should and what to do but somehow don't have the strength to do so.

I also feel greatly for those suffering grief and hope our Community offers some support to those in need.

Chloe

[Greyone]

I must admit that I never understood what anxiety was until I looked it up and even now I never thought of having anything after my most recent bereavement.

I think what makes me most anxious is the thought of being alone. The old joke that some of us men say to the question, Do you have any kids? Not as far as I know. Does not seem so funny anymore?

Being part of a multi-generational family when young seems so good. yet my dad's mother had children that rarely visited except for a handout. Whether that makes the absence easier for me to bear is questionable.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Greyone

I must agree with you that the thought of being alone is daunting, no matter if there are children or not. In later years, I thought that I'd be able to do all the many things I enjoy but before you look around, something has happened, yes life happens and all the 'stuff' it throws at us, and you can no longer do those things you thought would keep you busy.

As you mentioned, having children really doesn't mean we'll be looked after in our old age, or have the company of visits, life is very different today, and many folks children live miles away or abroad, so that doesn't help.

Not sure that I have an answer to this Greyone, except to say it's very much on my mind lately, so I'll let you know if I come up with an answer, and I'll watch out for any suggestions you have yourself.

Thanks for your reply, interesting<3

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

I may come up with a better answer over the next few months; but here's my thought on it.

I feel that life has caught up with me now that I'm over 55; I must confess that I never gave 'life' much thought until I found myself with too much time on my hands with the thoughts of a much younger man.

The phrase "act your age" comes to mind and regardless of our views on such things i think it is appropriate.

[GoGo_JoJo]

Although I had experience with depression, anxiety only hit me after dealing with my mother's death. I began having panic attacks in supermarkets etc.

I went on an extremely low dose of anti-anxiety meds for several months. I came off them in the summer but had to go back on them again this winter.

I'm convinced that it's just the body/minds' way of wanting you to deal with stuff. My running helped me so much but after summer I had a foot problem which meant I couldn't use physical activity to lift my mood, hence the meds again.

I have to be careful of caffiene intake. Attacks seem to be when my mind becomes overloaded so writing lists, allocating a reasonable number of tasks for a single day and allowing sufficient rest time, along with a healthy sleep routine seems to help the most. I'm aiming to be back off the meds before summer, however I take such a low dose I'm happy that if I feel I need them again, I shall use them.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

Hi GoGo_JoJo

These anxiety attacks often come out of the blue and a healthy routine, good sleep hygiene and diet certainly help, trouble is, often we can't achieve all three. I have disturbed sleep which really affects my days and I am prone to brain overload as I call it, when my brain seems to run too fast (that's the nearest I'll get to running !) and it doesn't slow down again until I have some sleep, so all of these contribute to anxiety.

Chloe

[GoGo_JoJo in reply to chloe40]

Things like meditation (not my bag) or yoga can help. I've also become a recent shakti mat convert, the modern version of a bed of nails, it really helps relax everything before sleep. I used to find it helpful to keep a notepad by the bed to write down any swirling thoughts too.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Shakti mat Jo? wow, that's new to me, now a notepad is a very good idea.

Chloe <3

[GoGo_JoJo in reply to chloe40]

shaktimat.co.uk/?gclid=CjwK...

It's not for the faint-hearted but it works on the acupressure basis. 20 mins before bed leaves you warm and quite sleepy I find (but then I keep it within my routine too)

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

Thanks Jo, you must be very strong willed and disciplined

Chloe <3

[GoGo_JoJo in reply to chloe40]

🤣🤣🤣 once upon a time I would have said no way! These days I'm definitely strong-willed if not always disciplined. I've simply had to give in to routines though. Like a child, I get so out of sorts if I try to stay up late etc, it's just not worth it 🤣