My Grandpa passed a month ago

[Iris72]

Hi one of the members on my other group suggested this group. My Grandpa was an amazing person to me. He didn't want to leave us but the cancer got really bad and we did not want him in pain. I thought I started grieving before he passed because when he did I kind of didnt really feel anything. Which made me feel like crap. But now my depression and anxiety has gotten worse from this is there any ways that could help you go through this easier?

[Dolphin14]

I'm so happy to see you here. This is so new and you need the support. You will definitely get it in this wonderful community

❤️🐬

[Iris72 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you for suggesting it!😁

[Dolphin14 in reply to Iris72]

You are so welcome. I think the different stories will be helpful to understanding the grieving process.

[Caza]

welcome. I’m sorry for your loss.

I think the reason for your lack of tears was probably shock. Although you think you were prepared, I don’t think anything prepares you for the final end.

For me, exercise fresh air, making myself eat & having a to do list daily helped. No one saw the list, so it didn’t matter if I couldn’t do anything on the list, or completed it, no guilt involved. It gave me a goal, a reason to get up & going.

Basically I did whatever made me feel better. Within reason of course. Busy days duvet days with crap tv no guilt.

Try to replace the negative thoughts of your grandpa eg: his pain & illness with positive thoughts. It sounds like you have many.

Take care x

[Iris72 in reply to Caza]

Thank you I am going to try those things and see if it helps any. Thank you!

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Hi, Iris. I’m glad you took Dolphin’s suggestion and joined this group. It’s rough grieving a loss.

My daughter died two years ago and the pain was intense. And still hijacks my emotions often. But I’ll tell you about the death of my father.

He had Alzheimer’s for 13 years before he died. We watched him lose his mind and waste away. I had all those years to prepare, but was still terribly hurt when he passed. It took 3 years and therapy before I could really come to grips with it and accept the loss.

Grief has its own time table. And it takes some of us a long time. Please allow yourself to go through the process. It hurts. But walking through it is the best course. Cry when you need to cry and laugh if you feel like laughing. Sit down. Stand up. Walk in circles. Be who you are.

And keep posting your feelings here.

[Iris72 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I feel like I'm in a hole and people just keep on piling dirt in it so I cant breathe. Then when my grandpa passed. I miss him. Can you still be happy while you are grieving? Will it help me more if I was around people that make me happy too?

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Iris72]

For me, it wasn’t a time to be concerned about being happy. I wasn’t supposed to be happy. I was supposed to grieve a loss. It’s overwhelmingly sad.

When my daughter died I was in a hole. And that’s where I should have been. My depression and anxiety notwithstanding, it was a terrible time.

There’s a difference between feeling sad due to my depression and feeling grief for the loss of a loved one.

Please allow yourself to feel what you need to. And don’t worry about not being happy. That will come as the pain lessens. Talk to your therapist about your grief.

[Iris72 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I will talk to my therapist about this. How can you tell if you are dealing with your depression and when you are grieving? I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety before my grandpa died.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Iris72]

I just replied to that question on the anxiety and depression site.

[Caza in reply to Iris72]

I think you can have happy moments when you are grieving & why shouldn’t you.

I’m a grandparent & I know for sure I’d want my grandchildren to miss me yes but I’d want them more than anything to be happy.

If you feel like being around people that make you happy, why not try it & see. Just an escape route planned incase it all gets too much. I’m sure your grandpa would want to see a smile back your even if it’s just fleeting

[Iris72 in reply to Caza]

Thank you. Im glad I got to see other people that understand me. You got me chocked up. Again thank you!

[Caza]

should of said. A smile back on your face

[Hidden]

Awww my darling I’m so very sorry for the loss of your precious grandpa. Welcome to this lovely supportive group. Grief can be so raw and completely overwhelming! It can hit us when we least expect it to! I’m so glad you’ve posted on here. Hopefully you’ll get some comfort from our shared stories. You’re definitely not alone in how you’re feeling. I’ve lost so many family members and close friends over the years. Each feeling of grief has been different for each person. However the depths of despair and sadness are immeasurable in some cases. I lost my darling mum through lockdown. It was terrible for so many different reasons. It still hurts but I can now get up and face the day ahead. It does take time and sadly recovery isn’t a one size fits all. I tried to find small positive things on a daily basis to focus on. I went out for walks whether I felt like it or not. My daughter took it really hard. I bought her a necklace with her gran’s finger print on it. They also managed to put an inscription in my mum’s handwriting which was lifted from a birthday card sent to her from my mum. Both of us got a huge level of comfort from that. Seeing my child hurting was really hard. I hope you find some peace in your heart sweetheart. I kept my mind focused on knowing that I would have loved to have kept her but not at all costs. The pain and suffering she was enduring was terrible. I didn’t want that for her. So to know that level of suffering for her had passed and she was finally at peace gave me some comfort. Sending you the biggest of cuddles and all my love 🌈🙏🏻🕊️❤️😘xx

[Iris72 in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing everyone that has responded to my post have helped I talked to my therapist yesterday and so now she’s having me do some activities to help with my grief. Everyone here is very helpful thank you all!

[Dolphin14]

Hi

How are you doing? Are you getting more insight on things?

I'm so glad we chatted yesterday. I felt this is where you needed to be

❤️🐬

[Iris72 in reply to Dolphin14]

I’m doing alright for a change. Having this support group helps a lot. My mind set has changed for the better! Thank you for checking in 🙂

[Dolphin14 in reply to Iris72]

I'm so happy to hear that. It will all work out with time

❤️❤️

[Bingofox007]

So sorry to hear of your loss and your pain. Grief is a yo-yo, it comes, it get worse, it lessons, you laugh, you cry, you shout but it’s still there and all you can do is go with it, do what you want to do to get through it and remember the good times, they will overtake the painful memories and feelings in time. Your grandpa wouldn’t want you to hurt. I lost my grandpa at 15, my first experience of death. He meant the world to me. I can remember my nan when we were told, can’t dwell on that but I decided there and then to do something with my life he would be proud of and when I was old enough I became a nurse, I’d watched them for hours while visiting him, he couldn’t have been more grateful to them, we all were. So, this year I’ve been a nurse for 40yrs. Every hard shift, every joy of someone getting better, all the visitors, backache, tears..all in his memory. I did it for him. Ive never told my family that’s why I’m a nurse, I feel that’s between me snd my grandpa. That’s gone off track a bit but it helped me when I lost him, I felt I had a focus, sometimes even planting seeds or watching something grow can help focus your thoughts away from the pain of loss. It’s simple to say, but grief isn’t going to just go, it just needs help to not overtake everything. Everyone on here is here for you. Take care 🦊

[Caza]

what a lovely story. Thank you for sharing x