Struggling with Grief of losing my Significant Other --we were together for 27 years. He passed away Nov. of 2022. Looking for support &

[Weatherwoman]

Struggling with the loss of my Significant Other who passed away Nov. 2022. We were together for 27 years. Looking for support, and wanting to hear how others coped, or still coping, or struggling, as well. Took care of my dear Man the last two & one-half years of his life. Miss him Terribly, crying everyday. Feel scared, lonely, lost, sad, etc. Also, suffer from anxiety, and now depressed, too! Am older (late seventies), and don't have any children, family lives far away, and friends don't live close by. Can talk & text to friends, but they don't seem to want to hear much about my loss, and don't want to bring them down. I do have a Grief Counselor who helps, and a Grief Support Group that helps. But, it's All So Very Difficult. Thanks for listening.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

sorry for your loss god bless your dearest husband any loss is very difficult but being his carer for a couple of years brings extra emotions but glad you have support from the counselling groups.

[Weatherwoman in reply to kenster1]

Thank you for your reply which I so appreciate.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I can’t even imagine your grief. So sorry for the loss of your husband

[Weatherwoman in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you. I am trying to do One day at a time!

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Weatherwoman]

Thank goodness we only have to get through a day at a time. Sometimes one moment at a time.

[Weatherwoman in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

How True!

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Weatherwoman

A very warm welcome to you.

I'm truly sorry to read of the loss of your partner, it's very distressing for you.

You mentioned you don't have family, so I understand you must feel isolated in your grief. Though I am please you have support from a group and a Counselor, that should make a big difference.

It may not seem to be but it is still early days for you and your emotions are still up and down.

Please do feel you are in the company of friends who understand a little of what you're experiencing, so keep posting, there is sure to be someone around.

You may find our Pinned posts on the righthand side of the screen helpful.

Take care Weatherwoman

Chloe

[Weatherwoman in reply to chloe40]

thank you so much for your kind & helpful post.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

first let me start by saying how sorry I am on your loss. Can’t imagine the pain you must feel.

This is what annoys me about my fiancé family members who are angry at their former sister in law. My fiancé brother passed away suddenly back in 2020. Him and his wife were together for 30yrs. It was very hard on her. She mostly tried to keep an up beat attitude but the mask would slip now and again. She needed to be distracted so she wouldn’t be sad. After the funeral and family flew back to their homes. She found herself alone. But she is also religious and was secure enough that her husband is at peace. Though she was hurt and angry with him for him departing from this world so early.

She’s relatively young…in her 50s. She started dating a man after 3/4 months after her husband was put to rest.

I know his daughter, niece and sister were troubled by that. But as I tried to explain that none can’t say anything on how a person grieves. There is no time table. There are no rules. Just made up bs rules by society and what society deems to be acceptable. My fiancé was over his big brother’s death after the funeral. Does that mean he didn’t care for him? No, just means he has mental fortitude that most people don’t really have. Same when his mother passed in January. Doesn’t mean he never loved his mother. He was happy that she was no longer dealing with the effects of Alzheimer’s. Plus as I told them , they were together for 30yrs! None of us know what that is like. I’ve only been with mine for 10yrs. The others different girlfriend/boyfriend every 2 yrs and the other on again off again for 15yrs. Nobody knows how they will respond to a sudden passing after being with someone that long. Or what they would do. It will all be hypocritical. So maybe like I told them learn to be a bit more compassionate then judgmental .

Anyways i know it must have been difficult for the last two yrs and half taking care of him. It’s like getting the worst front row seats to a show you don’t want to see. I’m also like you in that I don’t have any children. All my mom side of the family are dead and have zero relationship with them anyways. On my dads side of the family, I don’t have much relationship with them anymore after my folks split t up. I have a few close friends but most live on the East coast and the one friend I have in town told me next year they are moving to a different city. I get why you feel the way that you feel. Because I’m afraid of that too.

However you do have some support in your life with a grief counselor and support groups. I know it’s nothing like actually being in the presence of another human being and to get a hug from them. All we can do is honor our love ones by trying to live our lives the best way we can. Some days you just take them one at a time. Like everything, you have to give time..,time.

Again please accept my sincerest condolences 💐 🙏🏽

[Weatherwoman in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

What a very caring & emphatic post & I thank you for sharing. Yes, it is no one's business how one grieves, some people are more resillient (sp) than others, and also don't have anxiety/depressive disorders to boot! And, if the person finds a bit of happiness to find someone, good for them --it's not the family who should judge, but they do! Sorry that your family & friends are, also, far away. Yes, I am hoping that in time, the intense grief will not be so intense.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to Weatherwoman]

Yes, I hope things will be easier for you. It's not easy road your on right now. Losing someone you care so much about and having anxiety and depression doesn't help matters. Grief comes in waves. There are days were it's not so intense and others where you can't even get out of bed.

I hope you get to see calmer seas. Your anxiety and depression lessen. Anxiety never really leaves you. You just get better at handling it. It just becomes background noise. You can tell it(anxiety) "hey I know you're there. Feel free to check out my stuff but I got things to do today. Can't stay and chit chat." Eventually anxiety leaves. I had beaten anxiety back before. I'm working on doing that again after I had a health scare and suffered a relapse of anxiety. But I'm working on it. It's hard, frustrating work. You make progress and then take a step back. Make a little bit of progress and take a another step back. It seems like you aren't getting anywhere. But in reality, you've come a lot further than you thought. We tend to sell ourselves short. Anyways I'm sorry for your loss 🫂

Donna Ashworth poem "Loss"

[Weatherwoman in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Beautiful poem. Sorry that you are in a "setback" of your anxiety --but, as Dr. Weeks says re. a setback, "You know the way in, but, you know the way out! Paraphrasing as I don't remember her exact words. She, also, says (again, paraphrasing), that if you are in as Setback, then you must have made some progress before! It takes So much courage to have a nervous, or mental illness & let's give ourselves credit --I need to give myself more credit --it ain't easy, for sure!

[Hidden]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear husband. One thing sticks out to me, and that is friends not wanting to hear about your grief. As incredibly painful as this is, this might be because they don't know what to say. It doesn't mean they aren't still your friends; it might just mean that they don't know what to say and/or they are scared of saying the wrong thing. I am glad to hear that you are in grief counselling and a support group and, most importantly, that they are helping. That is SO important right now.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Hidden]

True, what you wrote re. that sometimes friends just don't know how to deal with a person's grief, and might be afraid to say the wrong thing. I do understand that!

[Thissucks37]

I am very sorry for your loss. Everything you are feeling is completely understandable and your loss is very recent. I’m sorry that you don’t have anyone to support you in your grief and this seems to be common these days. I and others on this site am here to listen if you ever want to chat or pour your heart out. Friends can’t understand deep grief if they haven’t lost someone close and dear to them. Feel free to message me if you like.

Take good care of yourself Weatherwoman.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Thissucks37]

True --Unless one has had a major loss, I guess it's hard to really "get it!" Thank you for your caring & offering to chat. I am trying to take care of myself, and, at times it's a real challenge!