Do you dread the weekends or...

[chloe40]

do you try to keep as busy as possible?

Love to hear from you.

Chloe

[Hidden]

I dread Sundays.

When I say I dread Sundays I do not wake thinking I am going to have a bad day. However, Sunday seems to be traditionally a family day, time for families/couples to be out and about enjoying themselves. This can make me feel so alone.

Memories of Sundays with my partner can make me sad and feel alone too.

I do try and avoid places likely to be teeming with families/couples but it can be difficult. I am learning to cope with this better and trying not to let it affect my thoughts in a negative way. But it can still be very difficult.

Lottie x

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Hidden

I can understand that you would associate Sundays in that way, it can be difficult to avoid these situations. I am really impressed that you have made a conscious effort to think this through and try to do other things during the weekend. I'm hoping that at some point you will be able to face the weekends without pain but with good memories.

Chloe

[Hidden in reply to chloe40]

Me too Chloe, me too. I am sure it will happen in time.

Lottie x

[Greyone]

No , i do not dread the weekend. Many people have said to me to take each day at a time after bereavement and although i disagree with that sentiment very strongly, i appear to be doing just that.

The suggestion of keeping as busy as possible has implied meaning doesn't it ? In my situation I am busy trying to overcome a mountain of things rather than just to be busy.

Although my underlying mood is still unhappy i try to find and share happiness with certain others.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Thank you for your reply Greyone

A very positive attitude !

Chloe

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Hi again Greyone I wanted to get back to your post.

May I ask why you disagree with 'take each day at a time' obviously you don't have t share, I'm just interested in different perspective.

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

To me it sounds a bit like giving each day a score. I can't imagine doing that normally (before bereavement). I don't want to use the word judgemental because it is too strong but personally i think it is easier to relax if we are non judgemental. If for example you were a recovering from an addiction and you say each day is a success if you do not succumb to it then that is good, esp if you're getting a high score.

The question on my mind is am i getting better. Over the past two and a half years, i have been very up and down and i think taking each day at a time would tempt me to give each day a sort of rating. But i think in the case of bereavement, without expert opinion it would be impossible to say what is positive or not. Over the past few weeks , i have had lots of tears (not good), mostly positive tears (good), an epic adventure (better), with 3 lessons (much better) and closure (very good).

It may of course just be that i don't have a good understanding of how to take each day...

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Hi Greyone

Thank you! I understand what you mean now.

We're getting a little deep here but I believe we have so many 'false starts' 'ups and downs as I like to think of it, that this in itself can create a false sense of .moving forward, and we only realise this when it has happened several times and we have 'dipped down again' Our mood seems to change, often depression seems worse and any sense of wellbeing seems to dwindle. Just a personal opinion @Greyone

Chloe

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Thanks for asking though. Your question really made me want to think again about recovery and i appreciate what you are saying, it can be very confusing thx again. G1 over and out.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

I just wanted to add Greyone that personally, I found I felt worse the more I tried to 'explain' my feelings but we're all different and cope in different ways too.

Chloe x

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

HI Chloe.

You are so right about that. I still find it difficult thinking about simple things as you know and i think my deep answer will make it into shallow waters soon. Thx again

[kenster1 Volunteer]

im the opposite chloe on the weekend I can look forward to spending a couple of hours down the graveyard.kinda like visiting loved ones and winding down a long week.

[chloe40 Administrator]

That's really lovely Kenny kenster1 I hadn't thought of it in that way, that's a really great way of thinking, thank you so much!

Chloe

[Greyone]

Hi Chloe.

I always try to enjoy the weekend and try o reflect that in what i do. I thought i'd have another go at this question because my sister is going away for this weekend so our home will be quiet from Friday evening to Sunday evening.

So i am feeling apprehensive because the last time this happened i had rollercoaster emotions because it was the start of my big adventure with Uncle Jack. I spent the sunday at the Crem with mum and dad and decided to have lunch out. I got home mid afternoon to an empty house and found myself waiting for my sister to come home instead of busying myself.

This weekend i have settled on business as usual so hopefully it will be nice and quiet,

Hope yours is too.

G1

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Hi Greyone

Now that sounds like a very good idea. You could of course opt for having some 'me time' relaxing, reading, a bit of pampering even or half day busy, other half relaxing. Me, I'd go for some pampering, my I could do with that enjoy whatever you decide.

Chloe x

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

That's a brilliant idea Chloe , or even several. After All i need peace, quiet and solitude for pampering at home and there will never be a better time for that than Saturday night starting off with a little mindful meditation, a quiet meal, a little drink and a dvd and then an early night maybe.

For Sunday , how about a period of quiet reflection , all day oif necessary.

Things are starting to look up thanks to you C40.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Thank you and enjoy @Greyone You deserve it !

Chloe

[workinternet]

Yes 1 year on after hubby going ive tried to keep as busy as possible . However this can be exhausting mentally and physically. Then when you think everythings been going fine the tears,pain,anger,desperation and loneliness kicks in. Everyone else went back to their lives months ago and hardly mention or even remember your loss if you see them. They automatically think arhhh yeah shes back at work,walks the dog and gets the food shop ....wow they know nothing of the sheer pain and life change youre going through. I rely on nobody now ...only myself. I only trust myself and my little family. So do what you feel is best to get you through chloe. Keep strong xx and Love and thoughts are with you xxx

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to workinternet]

Thank you workinternet

How I empathise x

I’ve never understood how others believe we get ‘over it’ so quickly, but I suppose it’s because they haven’t been through it themselves, so I should feel sorry for them!

Another weekend, I loathe weekends ugh! The time drags so much, must be me x

Take care now and please keep in touch .