Missing my Dad

[healthkick1973]

Hi everyone,

This is my first time posting in the bereavement section of HU as I discovered the app for other health related issues I’ve been having.

I lost my father 5 years ago when I was 16 y/o and I cannot express how painful that was, although I’m sure some of you can understand. The first 1-2 years were unbearable. Hardly left my bedroom, ate or socialised during that time and found it extremely difficult to come to terms with the fact that my everything had been struck from my life with no answers. I was hospitalised for a period due to severe mental health.

Fast forward to now. I’ve just been diagnosed with Endometriosis which has completely consumed my life. It is such a debilitating disease and I don’t have much family support. It has brought back such dark thoughts and feelings from when my dad passed and I feel as though I’m slipping back in to that mentality after years of progress and healing. He recognised this illness in me 6-7 years ago and was the only person in my life that truly cared. Unfortunately GP couldn’t see the signs and after years of pain and suffering I have finally been diagnosed. I miss him so so much and going through yet another tough time without him by my side. Struggling to see why things like this happen to me? Am I a bad person? Do I deserve only to live with pain and suffering?

Just started antidepressants after years of pushing back. I gave in and took my first fluoxetine yesterday so hopefully these thoughts subside within a few weeks although I’m not sure how this process works. Any stories, advice or any kind words would be massively appreciated. Missing that wisdom and support from my dad so much it hurts.

Thank you and I hope everyone has a lovely Saturday xxx

[Hidden]

Hello healthkick1973 and a warm welcome to our friendly and supportive group.

First of all can I say how sorry I am to hear of the loss of your Dad when you were only 16. Your total devastation is understandable after losing someone so close. healthkick1973 you are incredibly strong and you have started to heal and progress as you learn to live with your grief.

Your recent diagnosis of Endometriosis, a very debilitating condition, has triggered feelings of grief and self-doubt. You are questioning yourself and why these things are happening to you. healthkick1973, you may be feeling particularly vulnerable right now but you are NOT to blame, these events are NOT your fault.

I lost my partner nearly 4 years ago and I am asking myself very similar big questions for example, "why do bad things keep happening to me?" "is it me?" and I am working through them with a counsellor. I now see them as questions of strength because I know the process will be positive and propel me forwards. Almost like my feelings of grief are equipping me with useful 'tools' for my future.

When we have lost someone so close to us, so important to us, someone we loved so very much sometimes we have to take a few steps back before we can move forwards again (though it feels we are back at the start, we are not).

Sometimes we have to rest where we are before we can move forwards. Take the time you need healthkick1973 and ask for any help you need. Talk to your GP, friends etc. Take one day at a time and try to be kind to yourself. You are a very strong woman. We are always here for you, take good care and {{hugs}} to you

Lottie

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello there healthkick1973 Welcome to our Community.

I really am so sorry for the loss of your dear Dad, {{{hugs}}}

I agree with everything Hidden has said and really want to impress upon you that the loss of your Father and your painful health issues are NOT your fault. We all tend to go through these emotions, blaming ourselves, it's only natural but it's just not the case.

I do feel it's really important that now you have started taking your medication, that you continue with them uninterrupted, otherwise this will cause further problems but if you find they are not helping or you have side effects that concern you, then please contact your Doctor.

You will always find a listening ear here healthkick, so please do contribute anytime.

Chloe