Which one person or act...

[chloe40]

helped you through the worst time of your loss?

I'd love you to share with us.

Chloe

[Greyone]

For me this is a difficult question. I would have to say it was the counsellor i spoke to a year after my mother died. At the time or even during the first 12 months, nobody suggested or offered counselling and because i felt no negative effects i thought i'd "got away with it" but my grieving started after six months an a year later when things got worse, i felt i had an overwhelming need for help. At the time i just said to myself in tears and anxiety "This is not working".

That was the turning point for me because i did not need to pick my own counsellor , that was done for me and i was grateful for that. What followed was five weekly hour long sessions and that was the first time i talked openly about losing both my parents.

During the last session i recall saying that i felt instinctively that it had given me such relief from what had been building up inside of me.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

I'm so very pleased you felt able to open up to a Counsellor and find relief in doing so Greyone

You wouldn't normally expect to see a Counsellor in the first 6months because there is a natural period when the changes in your everyday life, need a chance to settle. With so many things to attend to after the funeral, it may take several weeks/months before reality hits you and only when that doesn't happen, would you see a Counsellor. The problem I find is that not everyone would think they needed to talk to someone and often suffer in silence, from what you've said, talking and the relief you gained is essential to healing. I only wish others would do the same.

Chloe x

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

I have to assume that there is nothing in place that allows for referrals. i never thought of counselling until i was being made redundant and then i had no clear idea why, juts a feeling. Maybe it is one of those things missing from our social care. My mum's doctor changed when she went into a home so my doctor wouldn't be aware of her death i dare say. The care home were very practical at hear death and just asked us to have the body collected the same day if at all possible. So that was it. Maybe something care homes could post out to bereaved.

I don't know what to think about the six months you mention. I know some call it delayed grief and can attribute it to being a carer, but for me i may very well have said no at the time.

I recall though that it was only because of my redundancy that i asked for counselling and then from my employers assistance program on the back of my big R. Otherwise who knows , it may have been longer.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

my mum helped me to a certain extent and she was the only one.she lost three young babies so kinda knew how I felt.she was my rock.

[Greyone in reply to kenster1]

Sorry to hear than K1 , I think that's why we like to hang around to support others.