Every member is invited to ask one question or offer one piece of advice

[chloe40]

About Bereavement.

Come on everyone, let's get together here!

Chloe<3

[KT22]

How do you adjust to being alone after 40 years of doing everything together?

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to KT22]

Hi KT22

This is so difficult, you spend all those years together, doing most things together

and it worries me too!

I imagine some would say that we should try to have our own interests, somehow take up new ones too which isn't easy. Some have found that volunteering can edge you back into meeting new folk, while doing something worthwhile for others. It certainly is the easiest way I've found. I do think we re-develop old interests that we had long ago, some take to learning a new skill too, which may interest you after the lockdown, an evening class perhaps?

Of course, none of these things will take away your inner most pain but will help you manage it.

Chloe

[Greyone]

My best advice is to consider counselling as soon as practical. I waited 1 years before doing that and now regret it.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Hi Greyone

Well, I would personally wait 3-6months before applying for Counselling and that's about right because prior to that you emotions are just too raw and there's just too much going on, you need time to settle a little, so no need to feel regret <3

[Greyone in reply to chloe40]

Thanks for that, I'm not sure about 'applying' though. I remember that counselling was something nobody ever alluded to. The first question i was asked was about seeing my doctor. But at the time I'm not sure i could have explained to a receptionist why i wanted to see the doctor or if there would be another route to me for counselling.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to Greyone]

Well asking for a referral then Greyone !

I can understand that it wouldn't be easy trying to explain to a receptionist, how would we know, other than we're lost and upset and heartbroken <3

[GoGo_JoJo in reply to Greyone]

I completely understand this feeling Greyone , even when you know you need help, without knowing what that "help" might be you really just don't know where to go, who to ask or for what.

Bereavement counselling should be offered in this country as a matter of course within a suitable time frame following loss. Sadly many GPS are out of the loop of their patients lives, perhaps funeral homes should be advising/ handing out leaflets more.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

I just wanted to add here GoGo_JoJo

Your suggestion of funeral homes passing on information leaflets about counselling is a very good idea, we should be able to contact such help without a lot of rigmarole, when we're not up to it!

<3

[Greyone in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

Thanks for that . I think that is a fantastic idea. They are ideally placed. Going to your own doctors would rely on your relationship with them (Without changing the subject i would find it hard to discuss with my doctor because they were supposed to be looking after mum during her fight with dementia and to be polite kept at arms lengths such that we had more 'luck' with the out of hours doctors.)

Apart from that i cannot do better than you suggestion JoJo .

[kenster1 Volunteer]

giving advice is difficult as each person is different but it`s very important just to have someone listen to you.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Yes, absolutely kenster1

We all need to feel heard! good point, thank you <3

[GoGo_JoJo]

I think the best bit of advice I learned was simply to accept whatever you are feeling as valid.

There is no "right" way to grieve, there is only grief and it can come in the strangest forms, laughing when we think we shouldn't or crying when we thought we were "past" that stage.

Every feeling is valid. Every thought part of the process. Don't expect textbook process, or recovery, just take it, and deal with it as it comes.

[chloe40 Administrator in reply to GoGo_JoJo]

Here here Jo !

<3