Nothing too offensive or 'sick' to try and brighten the day for all you lovely 'peeps' on HealthUnlocked. I hope they brighten your day.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
My doctor told me I needed to break into a sweat at least once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife.
Doc says, "Joe, I got some bad news for you. You've got six months to live." Joe says, "Six months? Doc, I can't pay your bill in six months, I can't do it!" Doc says, "OK, I give you a year..."
A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.
My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with vengeance so I said to him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"
The doctor told his patient to stop using cotton buds, but it went in one ear and out the other.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?
When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".
What's the difference between God and a Doctor? God knows he's not a Doctor!
Doctor: "Well, it looks like you're pregnant." Woman: "Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!" Doctor: "No, it just looks like you are."
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Ducks in Heaven
Anyone With Bronchiectesis And Copd 
