🎅 'Tis The Season To Be Jolly🎅 Here's A Load Of Cracker Jokes, So Have A Good Groan Folks 🎄🎄🎄

[sufferer2]

Cracker Jokes.

How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?

He keeps a log book.

What did Miley Cyrus serve up for Christmas dinner?

Twerky.

When is pizza an acceptable Christmas food?

If it’s deep pan, crisp and even.

What did the Kremlin send MI6 in their Christmas hamper?

A mince spy.

How did the Three Wise Men figure out Jesus was exactly 6lb 9oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger.

What happened to the burglar who robbed an advent calendar factory?

He got 25 days.

Why is Mrs Claus always checking Santa’s phone?

He seems to know where all the naughty girls live.

Why did the Christmas tree lose its job at the blood bank?

It kept dropping needles.

Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling?

He suffered from low elf esteem.

What does Prince George play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?

Game of Thrones.

What happened when Santa got stuck in the chimney?

He had an attack of Claustrophobia.

What did the drunk snowman say to the carrot?

‘Get out of my face!’

What goes 'Oh, Oh, Oh'?

Santa walking backwards

Why are Christmas trees bad knitters?

They keep losing their needles

Why was the turkey in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks!

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose

Two snowmen were standing in a field.

One said, "Can you smell carrots?"

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite

Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?

Because of his poor elf.

And finally;

I Got a Christmas card full of rice today.

I think it was from my Uncle Ben.

🎅🎅 Laugh Out Loud – It’s Christmas 🎄🎄

[corriena]

😁😂🤣🤣😂😁😆

[watergazer]

🤣

[Yatzy]

Gosh, that’s a bumper bundle!! 😂🤣 Full of Christmas cheer! Certainly cheered me up no end....thanks for going to such trouble. You should be writing the mottos in the Christmas crackers....xx

[Annieosb]

Brilliant!! Just what we need for a monday morning :-}}

[Lyd12]

I like the naughty girls joke - and all the others, thanks for the smiles.

[Margaret_craft]

😂😂😂🎅🎄

[lizzyw]

That was good fun and reminded me of the jokes my grandson used to bring home from primary school 😁Happy memories . He’s 18 now but still wanted an advent calendar from his gran 😊

[sufferer2 in reply to lizzyw]

👌 And I hope you got him one as well. Here's another Cracker Joke to go with it;

What is the best xmas present in the world?

A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

🎅 Have a Merry Christmas and a Healthy New Year 🎄

[lizzyw in reply to sufferer2]

Of course I got him one and one for his big sister too . Thanks for cheering my day 😁

[Jeaniep]

😄😛🙋👍

[Whitechinchilla]

Oh my, I did indeed laugh out loud. Thanks, you made my day.

I love jokes but cannot remember them so when I see them written out I can print them out and impress all my family!

[undine]

very good thank you - better than the usual groaners I get in my crackers xx

[Feelingblessed2013]

Thanks for the chuckle

[Hidden]

You must be crackers!!! I love these. 😆 Please can I pinch all of them to post on the LSN site? I'm trying to get our lot to post some jokes on there, but so far it's been very hard going! No one seems to want to laugh, and I'm running out of jokes! 🙄 These would be perfect... 👌

[sufferer2 in reply to Hidden]

Indeed I am crackers Hopalong (or so the wife tells me often enough) - so pinch away and post to the LSN site with my full permission 👍👍👍 A Merry Christmas & a Healthy New Year to you and your fellow lymphoedema suffers 🎇🎇🎅🎄🎅🎄🎅🎄🎆🎆🙋

[Hidden in reply to sufferer2]

Many thanks sufferer2, and the same to you and yours! May you have a VERY happy Christmas, and a New Year which brings all that you wish for. 😊🤶🙌🥂