...................One day a Barnsley man decided to retire........................
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise
and proceeded to have the time of his life,
that is ,until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people,
no supplies,nothing,only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months,he is lying on the beach one day
when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen
rows up to the shore.
In disbelief,he asks''Where did you come from?How did you get here?''
She replies ''I rowed over from the other side of the island
where I landed when my cruise ship sank..?''
''Amazing,''he notes....''You were really lucky
to have a row boat wash up with you.''
'' Oh this thing?'' explains the woman.''I made the boat out of
some raw material I found on the island.
The oars were whittled from gum tree branches.
I wove the bottom from palm tree branches..
and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.''
''But,where did you get the tools?''
''Oh that was no problem,'' replied the woman.
''On the south side of the island,a very unusual
stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln,
it melted into ductile iron,I used that to make tools
and used the tools to make the hardware.''
...........................................THE GUY IS STUNNED
''Let's row over to my place,'' she says.
So,after a short time of rowing,she soon docks
the boat at a small wharf.
As the man looks to shore,he nearly falls off the boat...
Before him is a long stone walk
leading to a cabin and treehouse.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly
woven hemp rope,the man can only stare ahead,dumb struck.
as they walk into the house,she says casually,''It's not much,
but I call it home.Sit down please.''
''Would you like a drink?''
''No!No thank you,''the man blurts out,still dazed..
''I can't take another drop of coconut juice''
''It's not coconut juice''winks the woman,
''I have a still,how would you like a Tropical Spritz?''
Trying to hide his continued amazement,the man accepts,
and they sit down on her couch to talk..
After they exchange their individual survival stories ,
the woman announces,''I'm going to slip into
something more comfortable.Would you like to take a shower
and shave?There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.''
No longer questioning anything,the Barnsley lad goes upstairs
into the bathroom.There in the cabinet is a razor made from
a piece of tortoise bone.Two shells honed to a hollow
ground edge are fastened on to it's end inside a swivel mechanism.
''This woman is amazing,'' he muses,''What's next?''
When he returns,she greets him wearing nothing but
some small flowers on tiny vines,each strategically positioned,
she smelled faintly of gardenias.
She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
''Tell me ,'' she begins suggestively,slithering closer to him,
''We've both been out here for many months.
You must have been lonely.There's something I'm certain
you feel like right now,something you've been longing for,right?
She stares into his eyes.
He can't beleive what he's hearing.''You mean ''.......
he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes.
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Humour For A Wet & Miserable Day - Doctor Jokes. 
Oh, how true!
