I’m so tired of not having any energy
I’m tired of not sleeping at night no matter how exhausted I am
I’m tired of nobody inventing me anywhere I’m tired of being home all day with just my daughter having nobody to talk to all day
I’m tired of fighting over dumb shit I’m tired of apologies that aren’t sincere just getting sick of life
Dear Sayvy
I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so tired. You sound low, and frustrated.
That's horrible not being able to sleep at night, I know that sleep for me is so crucial to my mood, and wellbeing.
I wondered if you have been diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, and what professional support you have? Can you open up to any professionals supporting you, and make sure they know how much you are struggling with sleep, and how exhausted you are? They may be able to help you, or have suggestions, or perhaps adjust your meds?
My son is 6 now. I remember at times feeling so bored being at home alone with him all day, and not having anyone to talk to, it was horrible. And then I would feel guilty for feeling like that. Probably a lot of it was struggling with depression after my psychotic episode, so not feeling any joy or interest in anything anyway. So many mum's, who haven't been poorly, feel the same way. It's isolating, being at home with a baby all day by yourself, particularly if you're not sleeping well. Perhaps you can find some groups or things to do with your baby where you can meet others? Maybe not necessarily other parents perhaps (sometimes I found that difficult, comparing myself to them) but other things, other adult groups, community drop ins etc? I know someone who went to a gardening group at her local park with their baby while they were on maternity leave. I think they found it really helpful just being with other adults, who also really enjoyed having her baby with them.
Take care, Ellie
Hi Sayvy, I can completely relate to how you feel and during the first year after my little girl was born I felt exactly the same, bored being at home, feeling guilty for not enjoying it more, begrudging other mothers for having so much fun and doing so well. I guess, the first step for me was to start being grateful for all the good things, such as having a beautiful and healthy baby girl and an amazing husband. I also got a great sound track when I felt low, joined a pilates group, got a great therapist and found a crèche for my little girl and slowly got back to work. All of which helped getting myself back together. For me it was like I had lost my identity and needed to reinvent a new one. Hope some of this may help. Also please do know that this phase will pass! Let us know how you get on. xx
Dear Sayvy,
It is good to vent! Thank you for your courage.
You say you are having difficulty sleeping. This is extremely dangerous for moms with depression and/or PP. Even as little as a few hours loss, if it is sustained over time, can have very severe effects on mental health.
Quoted from Medical News Today:
Sleep loss can have a profound impact on both emotional function and normal thinking abilities in healthy individuals, resulting in:
reduced tendency to think positively
bad moods, a decreased willingness to solve problems
a greater tendency towards superstitious and magical thinking
intolerance and less empathy toward others
poor impulse control
Sleep-deprived people are more likely to report increased feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, powerlessness, failure, low self-esteem, conflicts with others, and reduced quality of life.
Finally, sleep-deprived individuals score higher on clinical scales measuring depression, anxiety, and paranoia.
End of quoted material.
Please contact your GP and/or perinatal psychiatrist for help with this issue at your earliest opportunity as sleep loss has a compounding effect over time.
Best wishes for a happier and healthier maternity,
Peter
Hi Sayvy,
I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Lack of sleep is awful and makes everything seem so much worse.
Try not to be hard on yourself it's ok to feel like you're feeling and I think the majority of mum's feel the same but don't admit it.
Are there any groups you must might feel comfortable going to? I know one group called mummylinks which is about creating a safe environment for mums with depression.
Look after yourself and we are here for you. Xx
.it's good to get it off your chest. It is such a responsibility to give 24hr care to a new born.
Do you have any help in the house as there is such a lot to do. Do you get a chance to chat to other mums in the area? it can make all the difference sharing your experiences with other mums. You sound like a normal mum who is adjusting to a different lifestyle which may seem quiet and monotonous. Do you like taking the little one out in a pram and looking round the shops? if you can't sleep properly due to having night feeds do you find it difficult for the baby to take enough feed before dropping off to sleep again? Can your partner help with bottle feeding at night at week ends when he is not working? Think you need a bit of pampering with
a trip to the beauty salon for a facial or may be to hairdressers - or may be you need to take up some interest or activity that you used to do before the birth? Sleep is key to mental health so if you have sleep deprivation it can make you tired during the day, and depressed as your body clock is all out of sync. Expect you've done all the usual things with checks on your iron B12 and folates and taking vitamins to help your immune system. If you haven't had a thyroid check you might ask for one and submit the results to thyroid unlocked as some nhs tests omit some parts of thyroid function. Have fun and enjoy these early years and get support from those you choose.Ttake care.
Dear Sayvy
You are not alone, there has been some great support on your thread. Being a mum is not easy, I had PP and have found the most support has come from all my new mummy friends at playgroup and music groups etc. We now do activities every morning as I find getting out the house is good for us both. See if you have any children's centres near you as these are great to meet mums and I believe are free. Feel free to msg if you would like to chat. You are a great mummy and can do this Marie x
Starting the run up to my daughter's birthday
I need help but I cannot accept it
