Hi me again sorry. Iv just rea...

[Bumblebeeee]

Hi me again sorry. Iv just really had enough. My husband just moans at me all the time I hate being around anyone he’s moaning I’m not playing with the kids but I Just don’t want to be here and I can’t get out of it the only way out I can see at the moment is to just end it all I really had enough I can’t do anything feel like in total shut down I don’t want to be here anymore

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Bumblebeeee

Good to hear that you have reached out for help. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment. Recovery is very difficult and hard sometimes for partners to understand that we sometimes are not quite as we were, as it does take time.

Please stay safe at home. Is it possible you can ring your GP or care team to talk calmly and help you? If you are struggling the Samaritans are always available 24 / 7 on 116 123 or email [e-mail].

It's far from easy recovering from PP so try to stay calm and talk openly about how you really feel so that your husband can understand that you are not really coping. You can always write here if it helps but please try to contact your care team. Take good care.

[Bumblebeeee in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you. I’m seeing my cpn woman Monday. I will speak to her but I Just feel beyond all help. I don’t enjoy anything anymore I hate being here I hate everything I can’t see out of this hell that I’m trapped in 😩

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Bumblebeeee]

Hello Bumblebeeeee

Thanks for coming back. It's good that you will be seeing your CPN on Monday but do you think you need help from the crisis team to get you through the weekend? It is very hard coping at home with routine and family. Years ago when I was recovering from PP there were days when I felt helpless and hopeless so we all understand.

Please stay strong .... you are not beyond help .... you're just not well and coming out of such a traumatic illness. Perhaps when the children are asleep you will be able to let your husband know calmly how you really feel and need his support. If you need help tonight there are mental teams at the local A & E or please call the out of hours GP.

You will get over this hurdle but need a lot of care and support for now.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Bumblebeeee

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low today and finding things so hard at home.

It’s good you’re seeing your CPN on Monday but as lilybeth has said do contact the crisis team if you feel you need urgent help over the weekend, and the Samaritans are always there if you need to talk to someone.

I know it seems hopeless right now but things can and will get better. Keep reaching out for help, and please access any support available.

Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. Please keep yourself safe.

Jenny x

[Bumblebeeee in reply to Jenny_at_APP]

Thank you. I just feel confused. I feel like I want to be away from everyone. I can’t take care of my self or my family. I feel like I need to escape from here. I keep looking at flats. But then I think I don’t know if I’m ill from being around everyone and if I move out I’ll be better, or if I’m jusr I’ll at the moment and it will get better and I don’t need to move out? I’m really confused what I should do. I feel so trapped here. But should I move out? Maybe that’s what I need to do? Or I don’t know if this is just from the illness and I’ll start being ok again one day? I’m so confused! Am I miserable because I’m ill? Or am I miserable because I’m living in a marriage I shouldn’t be in and if I go I will be happier? But then I struggle so bad when he’s just gone to work I can’t cope on my own here. I’m just so confused it’s never ending hell

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Bumblebeeee]

Hello Bumblebeeee

Recovering from PP is very confusing at times, some days are better than others. I noticed from your other post that you have only recently been discharged from the MBU, so it's very early days. When I was discharged from the psychiatric unit I felt very confused at first and missed the security of the hospital. I only had myself to think about too as my son was not with me there. So I found being discharged overwhelming for a while, having to cope with my baby, family and routine.

It's your illness that is making you have such thoughts and it can make you feel miserable. During my recovery from my second PP I did suffer an enduring depression so I felt very low and unable to cope. Is the support worker helping you? It was hard when my husband left for work and I did miss him being at home but eventually as my confidence grew I did cope and felt good about myself with the support of professionals and family.

Try not to worry. Have you seen the new psychiatrist you mentioned? Perhaps he will be able to give you coping strategies when the days are not so good for you. Is it possible that over the weekend your husband can take your children for a walk and leave you to relax and have a coffee, as you did before?

Your care team will want to know how you really feel so please be open with them so that they can help you to slowly recover and feel more settled with your loving family. Stay safe and take care.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner in reply to Bumblebeeee]

It must be so hard and confusing. I think it’s extremely hard to see anything clearly when you’re unwell. Getting away from everything may seem like the answer at the moment (and is probably at least in part a ‘flight’ instinct while feeling so low) but as you say, you don’t know if you’re feeling this way because you’re ill. I think the most important thing is to get better and not to make any decisions at the moment. If you can make getting better your priority, you can deal with everything else later, with a clear mind xx

[NanaJudith_APP_Vol Volunteer in reply to Bumblebeeee]

Hello Bumblebeeee,

I am so very sorry that you have been feeling so unwell and confused again. Please try and take something from the replies from the other lovely Mums on the forum, they truely know how you feel and really do know how up and down recovery can be and that it takes time. You will get better, then think about any other big decisions.

In the meantime, if you like music and if it is alright to say, I think that the Lyrics of the Song by R.E.M. Everybody Hurts can be helpful.

Hold On.

Thinking of you and sending a hug

Judith x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Bumblebeeee

I hope you were able to sleep last night and have a better day today. Stay safe and take good care. x

[Kojo12]

Hi my lady, I totally understand what you going through. How awful the situation is can be. Am a husband of a PP wife also. The truth is that, its sometimes hard for us to see our beloves go through this, especially shutting down to all that goes around. For me it gets frustrated sometimes. I have go for groceries, cook for the family take care of the kids. She often enjoys my dishes but hard to see her appreciate, just 3 days ago I made my favorite, I came home tired, only to see all my food in the bin with a reason of health and also throw away our microwave oven by same reasons. Meanwhile she tought me and even use and eats that all times. Men I was so angry. But patience is only what saved me. Sometime I will come and meet my cloths in the bin some I get back some I dont. My dear sister despite all this, am grateful to God for my wife cos she has life. Life for today and life for the next day. Some wealthiest and healthiest people are dead in the grave and don't have any hope of recovering and coming back to life. You have life and in abundance, why shut it down for what reason. Tis is temporary, you will not be the same years to come. That is he I console myself. No matter how I get angry I try hard to control myself cos hadn't it been for my kids my wife will have been the best woman God gave me. If I also don't have kids I will have been even more unhappy when I see others with theirs. Your husband dough going through all this must remember you weren't this before. A good situation of child's birth had brought this awful illness. Words and affection can contribute to your recovery, so he should try as hard as he can to smile when it deem or seem unjustifiable angry that is patience. May our Lord and Savoir grant him the spirit of patience. I do not know what other way he can cope without being patient.

My dear lovely sister, please never lie o yourself that taking your life by frustration will be a good option. Think about the kids your wonderful husband the beauty of life and its enrichness. May God help you. How I Wish I will speak to your husband so we both share and strengthen our selves as iron sharpenest iron.

Take care and have a great day. Got to go help my wife now. Stay happy and in a little while you will ok

[coffeemom2]

The hellish despair does end, it’s temporary. When I had severe intrusive thoughts I lived with my parents away from my boyfriend and kids. It was hard for me to find enjoyment in anything. I think Netflix and group exercise at the gym was the best. Also, I’m still paying for this, but shopping for my newborn baby made me feel better. I couldn’t play with my kids or enjoy them either. I thought I was not cut out for motherhood and even thought of moving to another state for a year or two. I even thought of giving my baby up for adoption.

Don’t give up. It ends. Take time for yourself now. Reach out for help. Find things you enjoy. Going back to work also helped me. Gardening.

Now I cuddle with my toddler all the time. I hold her extra in my arms for all the times I missed out when she was a newborn. It is absolute heaven. I am so happy I have her. I just kiss her soft hair all the time and love to see her smile. You’ll get there. Life will be good again.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Bumblebeeee

I hope you’re doing ok today, thinking of you xx

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Thinking of you, too. x

[Bumblebeeee]

Hi sorry haven’t been on. Just wanted to let you know I’m ok. Sorry to worry you. I have kept busy this weekend and managed to take the kids out whilst hubby was at work and it was actually enjoyable! They behaved well and I didn’t get stressed! I reaslised I forgot to take my tablets the last few days so that prob didn’t help my mood. Feel abit more back on track now. Thanks for all putting up with my moaning x

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi Bumblebeeee

Good to hear from you and really glad you’re feeling a bit better and have enjoyed time with your kids this weekend

Please don’t worry about replying, only ever if you want to, but thank you for letting us know you’re ok.

Write any time, we’re all here for you.

Jenny x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Bumblebeeee

Good to hear that you are ok and have kept busy this weekend. What a great feeling to know you didn't get stressed taking your children out, that's really positive. It's easy to forget to take medication when there are other things going on and there's no one to remind you as there was in the MBU So glad you're feeling a bit more back on track now .....

You are very welcome here to talk anytime on good days and not so good. We are all here to listen. Take it easy and take care. I hope you will be able to have a good chat with your CPN tomorrow. x

[LavenderGrey]

Hi hi 👋 Bumblebeee, I wanted to say that people let telling me I would get better from PP and I didn’t believe them but now I am and I see that things get so much better. What helped me was having an ice coffee every day and just that routine, that time where I reminded myself I was going to be ok was an anchor.

On the medication, I forgot it so often and found those little pill capsules with labels for the days were very helpful.

Thinking of you and sending light x