Hi everyone,
Those bad thoughts came today and it's really bothering me. I hate he fact that I get them so bad some days. It's killing me inside. These evil thoughts are about anybody not just one person. It makes me sad and just want to give up. I hope to talk soon.
Oh Ashley - make sure you tell your mental health team everything that's going on. When were you fieat diagnosed with pp? We're you in hospital for bit? Perhaps your meds need adjusting. Hang in there and please get help from your doctor!!
Hello uksarah,
I was diagnosed in June. I do see a therapist but I need a psychiatrist because they would know that right medication to be on. I was never hospitalized but some days are so bad I feel like I might need a hospital but here in Rhode Island, USA it's called butler hospital and its s very scary place to go to. I'm scared of that hospital and don't want any part of it. My actual Doctor knows I'm going through some stuff and he said he will do whatever he can to help me. I really feel like I have hit rock bottom.
Tell your doctor how bad you are feeling and hopefully they will organise a psychiatrist right away. Yes hospital is so scary and sounds like you want to avoid that place - I certainly did - felt like jail - and lookef like it too. But if you get the meds you need asap you might be able to be treated at home. Seek help
Hi ashley I'm so sorry the thoughts were really bothering you today. I agree with uksarah do you have a mental health team you can talk to? A counsellor who may be able to help? I can't remember what support you have? I know it feels never ending but you're really not going to have those thoughts forever they will go. Can you stay a bit busy doing stuff round the house or go for a walk? I wonder as well if you can keep a diary of your mood maybe even rating how the thoughts are so when you see a psychiatrist etc you can paint an accurate picture of how things really are and rather than having to explain you can just hand them something you've written and they can see clearly how much you're struggling.
Take care you're not alone x
Hi Ellie,
I was thinking of writing my thoughts down but I'm scared my fiancé might see them. I don't want to freak him out. Some thoughts are so awful it makes me cry a lot. I cried earlier today but these thoughts take over my life. I feel like sometimes I want to smash my head against the wall. It's like the devil. I want it all to go away. This is the scariest thing I have ever been through. Am I crazy? I feel like I'm this psycho. 😔
Hello Ashley, I've been in the fórum some time but never plucked up the courage to write. When I am in crisis, those bad feelings and evil thoughts sometimes take. over, they possess me like they were inrooted in me, like that black chaotic fuzz of negativity, unipolar and anxious, was me, but it isn't. We are much more. We are people who become decompensated through chemical, hormonal imbalance and because sometimes we accumulate childhood and adolescence tragedies that have evolved into traumas. But peaks can be adjusted, the body and the soul can be finetuned, even though it is a strenous endeavour and we often want to give up... I write to you from Madrid. I had PPP which helped diagnose my Bipolar type II disease and I have also been diagnosed as Borderline. I take lithium and I am currently considering lamotrigine and an additional mood stabiliser with antidepressant effects, as during my low periods I have to add Venlafaxine. Periods of my life have been hell but I can only tell you to hang on for the sake of all the love and friendship and understanding I have encountered and that you will too. This too shall pass. Please, please, do not isolate yourself. Go TODAY to your mental health care unit and without shame or shyness open your soul to a fellow human being, a professional. Everyday miracles happen when you being your darkness into the light. You are in my thoughts.
Much love,
I.
Hello delphinek2015, and Jasa.
Thank you for responding to me. I'm happy that there are people here that care so much and are here for me
Dear Ashley,
I am so in tune with what Delphine K 2015 has summarised. Communication, sharing your feelings and anxiety & 'ill-thoughts' (part of the illness) is so much better than having to bottle it all up. I learn to understand myself more and more ; it has been 6 years since PPP.
At the beginning my family and I could not get out of the misery without any professional help. A crisis team had to be implemented in order to assess and I had to be hospitalised. Once the medication had kicked in and my partner had taken all the energy in getting me out of the mixed psychiatric unit, the healing process started.
This forum is full of vitality, energy, experience, understanding,nurture and love; because of the way we have had to struggle...the courage alone to be able to write is part of recovery.
However, at the beginning a support network is of importance...GP, organisations/charities for mental health issues, sure start etc. The after care by Somerset partnership was so much better than my hospital experience and a continuous care plan was put into place for guidance, help, communication, but also learning to look after myself again and my baby. My partner was looking after me full time for many months.
Wishing you strengths and energy,
Sabine x
Hang on there! It will be a bad memory soon. I survived twice so I completely understand you. Perhaps you are hearing many people say that you are going to be ok and it is the truth. Patience, walks (I used to go to the sea for hours) and we are here for you.
Hi dioni,
Were you ever hospitalized if you don't mind me asking?
Hi Ashley031, I don't mind you asking at all, that is why we are here. My first psychiatrist proposed I should stay in hospital for a few days, in order to be safe and take my medication, because my husband was working and could not take care of me. As we didn't know what to do, my father took a second opinion and my baby and I moved at my parents house, in order to have the proper care for me and my baby. Let me add that I don't live in the UK (I live in Greece), so we don't have here mother- baby units. Baby #2 I stayed at home (we knew what to do with the meds) and my parents were with me all the time till my husband came home from work- I could not be left alone (I had suicidal thoughts and I also wanted to hurt the baby). Now my boys are 10 and 5 and it seems like a bad dream. I really love them, I never thought I would and the whole experience bonded my family even more.
Hi Dioni,
Was it just thoughts on hurting your baby or everybody. My thoughts are anyone not just my baby. Sometimes when I'm sleeping I wake up in the middle of the night with them and it's awful. When do u know that you need the hospital?
Yes, sometimes I also wanted to hurt other babies or strangers. It is pretty scary when I think about it now, because I didn't have such thoughts since then.
You don't know when you need a hospital, doctors and people around you will help you decide. Sometimes it is necessary, so it is not even a question. In my case, they told me that the one thing I should do is take my meds, eat well, sleep well and generally follow my doctor's orders. In a hospital (at least in my country) there is nothing more to it, I am not sure if they even have special treatment for PP.
The thing is that I has not able to take care of my baby, not even myself. So my parents mostly and my husband were responsible for the baby and me at the same time. My father sometimes even fed me, because I did not want to eat at all. I just wanted to die.
The main thing is to have a specialist you trust. I went to my psychiatrist for the meds and to a psychologist for the talking. And I waited. And everything turned out ok. But I followed my doctor's orders. I was not able to do it alone.
It will be ok for you too, I know you don't believe it now. It feels like you are getting out of a deep dark hole. You will and it will help you bond with your baby even more.
Medication 
Accepting I need help but scared to admit things
Feeling low and hopeless again 11 months on
