What would you do

[tinks2003]

Last weekend I contacted the vicar who did my husband's service as I would like to try and get myself out of this dark place. I left a message for him on Saturday evening and he hasn't got back to me. Do I try again?

In addition I left a message for a friend asking him to ring me as I know that he is a church goer. No reply from him either. I have texted him today to tell him what I wanted - what do I do if I get no reply there?

Also I've asked the TA if they could find a padre for me to speak to, again no reply.

I am desperate and am trying to find help from someone but what do you do when you don't get anywhere?

[Hidden]

I would keep at them...... arent they the lucky ones thats theyre not in your shoes.... so dont feel like you shouldnt hound them...... arent these church folk supposed to be there to help you??

Keep at them luv and dont feel llike you shouldnt......

I wish there were words I could say to make you feel better, but Im sending you lots of hugs and strength to carry on.......

I know it doesnt feel like it now, but just take it day by day and you will find a brighter day....... xxx

[tinks2003]

Thank you I will keep trying. I guess Saturday's are no good for a vicar - playing tomorrow's sermon, although it doesn't explain why he couldn't have rung in the week.

We have a community greengrocers which is where my friend is so perhaps on Monday I'll pop into the shop.

If all else fails I have another friend who goes to church in a different parish and may be I'll ask her for help.

You are right I thought they were there to help.

[Hidden]

Well i dont think the church is that great to be honest. Think talking to friends, family, dr, cruise, mind etc will be better. I am so sorry for your loss. Sure it will take time but you will slowly come to terms with it and be at peace. Think you just have to go through each stage. Think there are 7. Lots of love x

[tinks2003]

I cannot talk to my family or my friends because I don't want them to know what I'm thinking. I am going to try and see my doctor again on Monday. I try to be honest with my thoughts but I have got to the point where I feel it's better to say nothing at all. I don't phone people because I don't want to be bothering them.

His family are grieving to, although I think they have all moved on but then that's because they had a life outside, whereas I didn't.

[Hidden]

That is so hard for you. You will get there but will take time. How long has it been. Bad thoughts are normal. Do not worry. A councillor would be ideal as would be confidential and your time and you dont have to see them again. Contact cruise. Dr a good idea. Keep going. X

[tinks2003 in reply to Hidden]

Its been three lmonths and I am having bereavement counselling but don't really feel that it's helping. I just cry all the time and want him back so much.

[Hidden in reply to tinks2003]

Three months is very early days. I would not expect any different and you shouldn`t either. It will take longer but suddenly you will have a good day or part of day and it will slowly increase. You will be up and down. Keep going. X

[Hidden]

Stages of bereavement

1. Shock and denial

2. Pain and guilt

3. Anger

4. Depression, reflection, loneliness

5. The upward tun

6. Reconstruction, working through

7. Acceptance, hope

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