Helpless

Well is m trying to be strong but tonight I feel I am failing everyone, my foster daughter is going back to family, against her wishes and the decision was made by one social worker not my one. Now I fear for her more than ever, she was doing so well here and now she is already showing signs of worry, I fear she will self harm and run away but my hands are tied. Now my own daughter has gone into major depression and I caught her wanting to self harm again. And my son cried himself to sleep. My boyfriend couldn't cope so is at his flat till he calms down and I am here in my room crying, and trying to cope with a pain seizure and a fibromyalgia attack. I got offered three jobs last week which I am too disabled to do but the old me would have been brilliant at them. I feel so rubbish I have had so many panic attacks this week. Why can't I be strong enough? Why couldn't I save my foster daughter? What am I to do for my kids, my daughter is flatly refusing counselling now.

9 Replies

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  • Oh sweetie, the situation sounds awful. You must be so upset. Is there an appeals procedure? Any way of delaying things to get a review? I imagine you've already explored all these options but it was the best I could think of.

    I know it must be so hard but try not to give up. Sometimes these things do sort themselves out and people get to the right decision eventually. I know it's not much but try to hold that thought. If your daughter can't face counselling at the mo all you can do is be there for her and encourage her to express her feelings in a safe way but as someone who has struggled with self harm I appreciate how hard that is.

    Sorry I realise none of this is any help but I didn't want you to feel so alone.

    I will be thinking of you and your family.

    Love

    Lizard.xxx

  • Her mother has stated if she doesn't return by Thursday she will have me arrested and sue me. God knows what will happen to this girl. The abuse is being covered up and only few people see it but the powers that be believe this rich self centred mother who has got top solicitors on her payroll who have worked around the system. She only has one more year then she will be 16 and I have told her there is alway a home with me. She is just so clever and beautiful and all her trust has now gone. I feel helpless. Regarding my daughter I am gently talking to her and always letting her know I love her and am with her every step of the way. She is my sunshine, my rock and without both my kids I wouldn't be here today, she has cared for me since a tot and I feel not worth her love as she is hurting so bad and I failed her in protecting her from sadness. Thank you for you kind words I really appreciate it I just feel so alone tonight. Your words are much needed thank you x

  • Big hugs to you. Can you maybe mention your concerns to child protection? This girl is lucky to have you as you seem to be so caring.xx

  • Sounds like there are some awful things going on at the moment and it must be really hard. but you haven't failed anyone, a lot of what is going on is out of your control. Whatever happens your foster daughter knows that you are there for her, and your daughter, and Im sure they both know how much you love them, that's the most important thing.

  • Send hugs and cosy blanket to wrap yourself in.

  • Sending big hugs and positive thoughts that you may find a solution to all these upsets your having.

    Love Seyi xxx

  • Well she has now been collected by social worker, the house is full of tears and heartache. She cuddled me and told me she loved me which she never says to anyone and hasn't cuddled anyone in five years so I feel I have gained a daughter even though the powers that be say she can't stay here. I hope to stay in contact with her and will keep her in my heart forever. My daughter is now my focus and that is a tough one to crack. Just feel exhausted so much so I don't have the strength to walk or eat. I need sleep so bad. But still have two kids to look after and three dogs .... No rest for the wicked and I must be top of the list for wicked people hahahahaha. Thanks everyone I really needed help and you have all been so kind xx have a good Easter I think my diet can be ignored for a while lol chocolate therapy needed xx love to all

  • What a night, my foster daughter called at eleven pm, hysterical, her family have been shouting at her already, she wants to come back or she will run away, so I have been unable to sleep or get my panic attacks under control knowing there is a young girl so distressed and I can't rescue her. I will call her care worker but what good will that do, they will tell the family and she will get shouted at again and they will probably take her phone and laptop away to prevent her from contacting anyone like they did last time. This is such a mess. I feel a failure.

  • Hi Loopylou, I don't know what to say, this is such a heartbreaking situation. It is natural to feel everything you are feeling at the moment and no wonder the panic and anxiety is there. But you are not a failure. Everything that's happening is outside your control. Seems you have done everything in your power for this not to happen, but the decision was not yours. Im sure you have helped your foster daughter no end by giving her your love and support whilst she has been with you, so you have not failed in any way. keep remembering that. Take care of yourself.

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