How Tragic.

[bumblebee01]

My name is Jaz. I am 20 years old.

About 3 years go I tried my first drug, unfortunatly it was Mephedrone (meow-meow) and I had a terrible "trip". The drug itself, on an average dosage is a high that should last up to the maximum of an hour. My trip lasted 5 days.

The story, as short as I can make it, I tried this drug and it made me hallcuniate, everything scared me, I would ask my boyfriend to carry me outside so I could lay my head down on cold concrete, and whisper make it stop, then ask to be in a small dark space, a large bright space but nothing helped. Everyone said you have to control, you just have to ride it out. Turns out my biggest problem as a person is control, and on discovering I had no choice but to suffer sent me on a very self-destructive evening. I was then put to bed, only to find I could only communicate by knocking on the bedside table to my boyfriend.

I was taken home.

Next day, I am quiet and not all there, I take myself to work, to find myself shaking and tapping on the work surface to a song i'm singing quietly over and over again "one two three four five once I caught a fish alive" for some reason this was the only comfort I could find.

I come home and I am still rushing, my vision is warped, bright and fuzzy.

For the next five days I shake, sweat, come up come down and spend much time in the foetal position in my room with a worried boyfriend entirely unsure what to do.

Over the course of the next few months I developed certain OCDS ill call them, I couldn't be around groups of people more than three, if you could even get me to leave my room, I could only drink out of a certain mug for fear than anyone elses might have remnants of drugs in them that I might accidently drink and then come up (this is completely irrational thoughts, with no reason to think this might happen) I stopped drinking coca cola and coffee for fear the caffeine might be strong enough to make me trip, I wouldnt smoke ( I am a smoker) for fear that peoples tobacco might have weed remnants in, making me high. The list goes on.

At least 4 or 5 panic attacks a day. Vision was shot, and I was highly emotional and had thoughts of suicide. I once spent an entire night thinking I was being demonically possessed because I'd watched a horror film before bed and my anxiety decided to play that card.

Anyway, for the next 2-3 years this went on. I once had a reiki healing which did wonders for me, and the rest was strictly self-healing. Of course, I went to the doctors and was prescribed all the medications, all of which I couldn't touch because they were DRUGS! lol So that was an enormous no way. I was left with the impossibly long and difficult journey of doing it all on my own. Which I did.

Today, I have maybe one panic attack month mostly stress induced. I have no hang ups about groups of people or cups or coca cola. I like to get drunk. I have a few scars...I cant be in a room with weed smoke that kind if makes me relapse. And I can't really be around people on drugs.

That's pretty much it. Today I searched for a site such as this because occasionally I have days like today, and I'd love to find a friend who truly understands. I will explain the "days like today" in the next post.

[laineyc13]

b proud of yourself for not taking meds from doc cause that shows how strong u r that u r doing it cold turkey if u want to phrase it like that,willpower wow take note how amazing u r,u can and will heal

[bumblebee01 in reply to laineyc13]

Thanks lainyeyc13 that's really nice to hear