Can someone give me some advice

The lovely Ellabella has been my rock over the last few days, but i dont want to be a constant thorn in her side and cause any distress to her. A big thank you to Maya_Dawn who has been messaging and gladly not disappeared from here.

My OH has taken a turn for the worse. Its not been plain sailing the last 6 months, but now it he has hit rock bottom. Feel like we have just done one big circle and back to square 1. Everything is getting to him. job, the problems that have caused this damn illness. He turned his phone off at the weekend and only got in touch last night. Only by tx not calling. He says he has had enough and sick of messing up.

How do i help him through this. If i give him space it drives me mad cos i constantly worry and get in a state myself. He just isolates himself.

Thanks xx

13 Replies

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  • Hi Lou - really sorry things have got so bad, my love, it must be so hard for you! Ella is a sweetheart, isn't she?

    My only suggestion is - perhaps he DOES need space, which i understand worries you cos you don't know how he is :( Bit of a vicious circle. But i know as a sufferer there have been times when I've wanted everyone - even supportive friends - to go away and leave me alone, which I accept is tough on the supportive friends/family! :(

    I would suggest - and it's only my view, others might have better ideas! - that you try to negotiate with him, that, however bad he's feeling, he TEXTS you once a day, just so you don't worry so much. Other than that, leave it to him to decide when he's ready to "let you in" again. If he doesn't text, then you have the right to text him, and if he doesn't text/respond for 2 days, then you WILL ring his doctor, family, CPN - whoever you feel is most appropriate.

    Don't know if this makes sense, hun, hope so, and as i say, it's only my opinion! :(

    You may know about this, but MIND has a range of help topics on supporting other people with MH problems, you might find some help there - go to:-

    mind.org.uk/help/im_worried...

    Good luck, hun, hope this helps, and keep posting, we're here for you! Come into the Cabin in the Garden tonight, there'll be a few of us there, we'll have a chillax!

    Lots of love

    Rose

    xxxxxx

  • O lou

    Well having had ella to talk to you have ended up now with me & I am no where near as good as ella with advise ...we need Rose , lets hope when she see's this she will give some of her advice

    I dont no to much about how your OH is , just that he suffers bless him , but I can say this is how it can be , you just feel you are turning a corner then back as you say to square one

    I no for me sometimes when I am in a bad way i want to talk & no people are there & other times like your OH I want to be left on my own , maybe its selfish but depending how I am feeling , thats how it is & its because I need to be quite & try & switch of from everything & the anxiety feels so bad that I just dont want to talk

    I dont no if he is getting any help ? because sounds like he needs it , but of course he has to ask for it

    This must be so hard for you , but if i felt the way he does , i would want OH to leave me alone but now & again just send a tx saying i am here when you want me , that way he knows you are there , but he can contact in his own time & a tx saying you are loved , we will see them & when we are ready we will acknowledge you

    This may be no use what so ever to you , but I think he is so lucky to have you & i think you are a star myself , the way you stick by him & help others on here with your love

    If there is anything I can ever do Lou I am here

    Hugs

    whywhy

    xxx

  • There we go , must have crossed , thank goodness Rose , new she was the lady we needed & she is always there ..another star

    xxxxxxx

  • You're a star too, Why, I think you put it so much better than i did - and I think the idea of Lou texting occasioally just to say "here if you need me" is brill!

    Lots of love to both {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lou and Why}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Yep, come into the Garden tonight, we'll have a really good chill out! I'm going to bring some Smarties so we can throw them at each other ;)

    Hugs

    Rose

    xxxxxxx

  • ok Rose , I will do my best ;)

    xxx

  • xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • I am learning of the best there is ;)

    Now I do hear there is a little party , minnie is bringing something i believe , bless her , i just have to find the blog where it is

    xxxx

  • Thanks Rose and Whywhy. Your opinions are greatly appreciated. I dont want to bog Ella down too much and put her on a downer with it all. Yep she is one in a million.

    Your words do make sense. He has txt even if its been a couple today.....................................he has just sent a txt saying he isnt up to talking. Its difficult. I refuse to let it beat us, though i have been struggling myself with it all lately.

    Rose will be in the garden. Need to CHILLAX:-) xxxx

  • We are always here Lou

    xxx

  • Thank you :-) xx

  • MC thank you for that. We can salute each other cos i do think you are a strong young lady (hated being called a lady) :-). xx

  • Hi Lou,

    Didn't have the audacity to reply to you last night but I was thinking about you.

    I've spent the last few days fighting with by best friend by email - because I never pick up the phone!!!! She's pissed off because she does all the running to keep the friendship going - rings and leaves messages all the time and I can't even be bothered to pick up. Am thinking now I should put you in touch with each other so you can form a support group!!!!!

    Joking aside, love - it really is crap. I know. I don't set out to wind her up. I set out thinking I need to talk to her but then I come home from work and I seem to have used up all my energy. I flop. I don't want to think about anything. If I do this for a few days the messages are mounting up and then I panic. Now I know she'll be annoyed. (It doesn't really matter whether she is - in my head she's angry.) And I only have one conflict resolution strategy - avoidance!!!! I can roll like this for weeks. Hence big fight.

    I'm not really taking your OH's side though. There is a reason why I'm single. I couldn't possibly subject anyone else to life like this.

    I think you're being v brave to keep going with it. You must love him very much.

    Hope you're ok.

    Love,

    Lizard.xxx

  • Hi Fb

    Yep thats my OH. Works and then thats it after work. Its more frustration on our part. You feel like you are the rock but get all the crap more than anyone else. I am seeing more and more though that avoidance is a big part of anxiety. Just to shut yourself away. Sufferers with anxiety cant help it, but it doesnt help us either on the other side.

    Hope you are ok and thank you. xxx

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