i say this to help.......I suffered for many many years, part of the illness manifested the POOR ME syndrome.........as I got well i realised why not me!!! I am not exempt from life....when I got cancer the poor me,s never affected me as "why not me"..........., I couldn,t give it to the man next door because i did not want it.....
The poor me,s is part of the illness..........but it is as dangerous to the spirit as alchohol or street drugs........it will always bring you down.......so next time "why me".."why not me"..........love to all.
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stde
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Hi stde
I remember this saying so well , "why me " ..."why not me " something used in meetings years ago I used to attend & very true , even though can be hard at times to think that way when you are feeling low
We used to let people have so long at "why me " sometimes it was needed for a while but after so long we would suggest "why not " when we saw they were ready , which was so much easier to do when you were with people in person , you could tell alot better when they were ready for that extra push as its not good to stop in the "why me " for to long
Good to have a reminder of this saying , you can easily forget when you take a drop , think its time I may be looked at the "why me " & instead find that fight i no I have in me & get something done , most of all people to listen to me rather than been fobbed of as I feel i get alot of
I try to watch out for "spiritual thieves". They can be people who,s attitude can affect you....but I,m even learning to deal with that, by not allowing or giving them a piece of my "cake"..LOL.....
I can try to help those but ultimately try to remember that their problems are not mine....not bieng harsh but we have to look after ourselves first.....selfish.NO........because if we are not ok then we effect those around us!!!!
Hi stde - i agree to a large extent, but I also think the brutal fact is that some people are luckier than others. I mean, arguing against myself to a certain extent, people living in warzones/famine area/caught up in natural disasters are a lot UNLUCKIER than I am! Life can do the dirty on you - and, at the risk of being accused of being a "poor me" - virtually everything I worked for, planned for, hoped for, dreamed of, has gone, leaving me with all the things/situations I did NOT want, did NOT ask for - and, in some cases, dreaded. So - if that's "poor me" - sorry, but yes, objectively as i can be, I do think I got a raw deal. Maybe - almost certainly - some of it was my "fault" - an awful lot of it wasn't. Decisions that seemed good at the time turned out to be disastrous - in hindsight!
So yes, maybe drop the "poor me" - but I DO think we should allow ourselves to grieve for - the things we lost, the things we wanted and never got, the lives we hoped for and haven't had. If we deny/bury that grief, it comes back to haunt us, and we end up back in therapy!
We all have expectations...But we can expect with acceptance.............meaning that if things don,t work out we have the ability to say "heh ho".....
To expect thinking life owes us something is a different matter.....then we face extreme disappointment .even depression...............life does not owe us anything.....
Please take this in the spirit intended, it is part of what made me well..........I once thought just like you, and was convinced somethings were my "right".............then I realised my only right was to stay happy, and not give it away.to people thoughts or anything
I will add it still takes daily vigilance and not all days are brilliant but.so far so good.....be well..xxxx
The big thing is that we sometimes do get a "RAW" deal, but what makes it stick is not realising that sometimes it is just life and not particularily aimed at us.xx
"I once thought just like you ,and was convinced somethings were my 'right'..."
How do you know how i thought? I don't presume to know how you think! I never thought some things were my "right" - they were things I loved, with a passion which went way beyond any selfish or egocentric motives - I loved them for themselves, just for their being - the sun on a country landscape, a beautiful old building, - I loved them FOR THEMSELVES - not for me. I didn't want to possess them, just to see them, share them, enjoy them. They lifted my spirit, my soul, they raised me above the day to day worries to give me moments of pure joy.
Now, I can't see them, can't enjoy them, and my spirit withers without them.
Their was never any intention to presume, I was merely trying to point out that if we do not know how to handle disappointment then it can give us mental turmoil.......this was not aimed at anyone personal (sometimes we take things that way).
Life owes me nothing, it has offered me times to be distraught when things went seriously wrong.but it was ME who took that opportunity on board and the result was suffering........
In some posts (and I have been the same) I sense anger....this is a destructive emotion and can only be mastered when we forgive and let go and trust in our inner God to guide us.
I do not want to sound as if i know any better, because I do not, but I do know that I have to let go all the negative emotions I had to remain well......
To hold on to them only prolongs the fight.....I wish you well
this is such a risky subject to comment on but here goes
everyone is an individual and we all have our tolerances.
I was "I'm fine" - but dying inside.
I was "100's worse than me" but there weren't, there was me in a bad way.
I was Pollyanna trying to stay positive - but drowning.
I couldn't let it out to me, never mind any one else [still can't in so many ways]
I felt to say "why me" was wrong and "poor me" would be selfish - how wrong was I !
it was only when I was ready and able to say so, that I became able to admit how awful things were and how bad things had become, to let things out and help in.
I grieve for the life I had, the plans I made and the person I was.
I struggle with the new life and to adapt.
CBT has helped and talking to others and hearing what has helped them - taking in bits and using them or storing them up as possibilities, or, importantly, holding on to the positivity and possibility as a lifebelt through the dark times. they might not work for me but show that things can and do help, there are ways out and through.
One thing that stopped me allowing myself to allow feelings a voice was a friend who is a drama queen who people roll their eyes at - I did not want to be her. She as told me that she doesn't think she could cope with my life - "look how I've been with breaking a nail!"
It is ok to be upset, hurt, feel angry, and "why me" and good to be able to share hopes, woes, fears, coping strategies, to honour your feelings, rant, cry and, yes, laugh!
It's so hard to strike a balance in this debate - both sides are equally true and valid.
Nothing is more draining than a person who has got so lost in their own tragety that they cannot see anything or anyone but themselves; who expects the world (ie the people around them) to compensate them for their loss at the expense of everyone elses needs. In my experience not only is this draining, it's an excuse for some really bad behaviour. This I think is the "poor me" that Stde refers too. An extreme example I know but an easy vortex to get sucked into - none of us are immune.
Then there is admitting how you feel. There is nothing to be gained by pretending you're well when you're not; putting everyone else before yourself, putting on a brave face, pretending it didn't happen. This is not the road to health. Nor is anyone on here advocating it. Part of getting well is acknowledging how you feel. Part of getting well is grieving for what you have lost, for the changes that have come unbidden into your life. We all have an image of our life and it takes time to adjust to the altered version; to give up on the dream. We need to adjust, of course, bitterness will destroy us. We cannot allow ourselves to be eaten alive by what ifs.
But it takes time and we are all on different stages of our journey.
Good comment fadedlizard.....I suspect there is a time for the poor me,s..and when we are healing a time to let go the poor me,s........hoping that we have gained enough knowledge never to return....xxx
Telling people to stay positive is good advice, & it`s amazing how some people manage to remain cheerful despite the most terrible misfortunes. I think it all depends on your basic temperament, people born with a sunny disposition tend not to be as upset by bad luck as others. Unfortunately I wasn`t blessed in that way, because I inherited a pessimistic nature from my parents. Another thing is that I`m a bit superstitious about saying that things could be worse, because it might make fate decide to make it reality, just for spite!
I think there is a lot of truth in learned behaviour, but it is possible to change or reprogramme, trouble is a lot of therapies are once a week/month..........
It takes time but, daily reminders are needed.
Reading affirmations first thing in the morning, reading something positive for a half hour before bed, going to sleep with good music.etc
I remember reading a book (think it was by susan jeffers) where affirmations were on her bathroom mirror--fridge door-etc....so that she was always sub-conciously taking in positives
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Recovering from the weekend from Hell
And so it goes.....
Getting the better of me
poor dog passed away tonight
2nd Post Re : THE DWP DECISION
