How can I become more outgoing and sociable in 2013

Hello Everyone.

Hope you are all well!! xxx

I really want to become more outgoing and meet with friends and family in 2013 and stop avoiding outings but I would love your advice on how I can go about this.

I am really scared. I have a job interview/meeting coming up on Tuesday and I am afraid to go to it. I start thinking of ways to get out of it and a friend contacted me and wants to meet in my local area and I am anxious about this and start imagining the worst. I wonder how I will get home and wonder if I will feel lonely. I really want to stick to attending these two days out on Tuesday!!

I hope that I can do it. I really can not be stuck at home anymore as it is a nightmare.

I get a lot of stick for it and it is also depressing.

I look forward to hearing from you shortly.

Many thanks

xxxx

9 Replies

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  • heh babygirl.....what you are suffering from is the perfect syptoms of bieng extremely nervous..........if it wasn,t going out..... or an intreview, your nervous mind will find something........

    Not going to list my anxieties over the years don,t want you to laugh too much...but at the time they were frightful

    Reverse phsycology ---get your coat on and say.... I,m going for a short walk and i am going to try to take a panic attack....I must take a panic attack...I want a panic attack......guess what it may not happen...why....you have just ridiculed your fear..........

    Anxiety cannot stand being ridiculed....xx .

    Let us know how your interview goes....we will all be with you......xx

  • Thanks so much for your advice, so kind of u :-) the job interview was moved to today so I will let you know how it all goes :-) I am meeting with my friend today too..xxx

  • Your welcome. Currently going through the job interview stage as well (again)! So appreciate your feelings.

  • Hi. babygirl. Are you new here? If so, welcome. By doing it! Let me explain. You have what is known as 'social phobia'. This is not something to be afraid of as it is very treatable and very common, especially among young people who are afraid of what others may think about them. You are ANTICIPTING and that is one of the symptoms of anxiety. Nothing, but nothing is ever so bad as it appears from the distance. I am probably three times your age so I speak from experience. Once you pluck up the courage (oh yes you have it) to do it then it will not seem half as bed as the anticipation would lead you to believe. As for the job interview, well, do your best. Someone once said to me when I was going for an interview, "When you see a pompous ass (your interviewer may not be) sitting behind a desk asking you questions imagine him or her sitting on the loo in the morning". A bit crude but it does bring them down to size and may give you an inward smile. Your recovery lies in going into the places you fear most. Not with gritted teeth and the 'I will do it if it kills me' attitude but with total ACCEPTANCE of how you feel. No fighting or struggling, just go with it, see any panic thorough, dont try and 'fight' it off. That just creates more anxiety and fear. Try and go slowly and calmly about your business. As for what others think, well, does it matter? If YOU feel you are doing the right thing then that is all that really matters. Self confidence will return.You have to respect anyone who gives you advice. If you don't then don't bother. Good luck to you and let us know how you get on. Love. jonathan.

  • Hey Jonathan!! Really appreciate ur words of encouragement :-) the job interview was moved to today so I will let you know how it all goes also meeting my friend today! So I'm looking forward to it and have a driving lesson also :-)

  • Hello. Your problem reminds me of what I used to be like (and still can be at times). It really is a case of facing the fear. The more you do it the less overwhelming it is. Lets take your job interview. Is it the interview or the prospect you might get the job that your anxious about? Do you have any doubts about yourself doing the job? Are those doubts really justified? Have look at what your afraid of about the interview and write down then read it back to yourself. A look at job interviews online may help to avoid the dont's.It may seem a little clearer when you read things back to yourself and you will probably laugh!. An example of this would be your meeting with your friend: Q- How will I get home? A-Look at train timetables, taxi number, bus timetables. Plan your journey and do a trial run. Then you will be more secure with what to expect. Remember the 6ps- Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance!

  • That's so important planning!! Thanks. Yes I think when you can prepare ahead of time the journey becomes easier and the interview also. They postponed it to today so I'll let you know how it all goes xx

  • Hi Babygirl,

    To get over my social anxiety, I took small steps, with my CBT councellor we looked objectively at what my perception was in social situations and what my reaction was, and then faced each of my perceptions one at a time, all of which didn't come true and I gradually stopped avoiding social situations and having no longer have panic attacks just at the thought of them.

    If by the end of 2013 you want to be social and outgoing take little steps and then throughout the year it'll get easier and easier. Don't judge yourself too harshly and try what my councellor suggested which is to be in the present, focus on the other person you're with and try to get out of your own head so you can't hear those negative thoughts.

    Good luck with the job interview on Tuesday and you'll be able to tell your friend all about it afterwards when you meet up with them.

  • Its so weird as sometimes I feel a s if I have selective social anxiety and selective agoraphobia. Because one minute I am organising events and able to go and have a great time but then if I need to go to the shop in my local area I can't because I am so agoraphobic! Its like I am free and bubbly in some places and fearful and restricted in other places. I do think a CBT counsellor would be helpful for me.

    The interview was changed to today - thanks is much! Will let u know how it all goes :-) xx

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