Old far eastern saying....my interpretation....
When you finally let go your Ego, realising that maybe you were not always correct and are willing to open you heart and LISTEN to wisdom, realise you were not that important to judge others and are ready to love and accept...only then with humility will you change.......the ability always lies within to change.... you just have to be ready first....
stde. Oh, so right. If you do not know you have a problem then how can you correct it? I know we are in the realms of philosophy but an awful lot can be learned that way. Following the words in previous blogs the word 'humility' springs out. What is it to be 'humble'? In one of Dickens books (forgot which one) was it Uria Heap who says, "I am ever so humble".? Of course he wasn't! Someone who says he is humble can't possibly be. A humble person does not know it but it manifests it in his/her behaviour. How difficult to let go of the Ego! ME, so important. Everything revolves around ME! This illness does bring one down to size. I do not say I have achieved humility, far from it, but, at least, I do know what it means. Thanks again sdte. Best wishes. jonathan.
when I was on my knees, humility came....a hard lesson but one that I would not change......sometimes in life we can only set an example, it is up to others if they wish to follow......... enjoy your posts.....be well
Just a little add. When I had reached the bottom of the pits, and you can't get much lower, my 'Teacher' appeared in the form of an ex Anglican Priest who 'saved my bacon' for which I shall be forever grateful. All the best. J.
I wish there was a like button on here....I definitely like it , I love it! x Ella x
Not really sure i understand this, sorry, please, no offence meant, can either of you explain a little more please. i may have it wrong but i thought that someone that had a problem with their ego, would show an exaggerated sense of self-importance, as jonathan said 'everthing revolves around me' which is certainly not my wife that suffers with primary progressive ms, or me with my difficulties caused by increased anxiety. also, only when we are humble will we get any sort of relief? how does this work? we have to be on our knees in a state of complete submission at the bottom of a pit, to have any chance of getting better. my wife is in terrible pain and requires care 24hrs a day, she is the same bubblely person she was trapped in a body that doesnt work, how cruel, and how low do you have to get, before this teacher turns up? to be sure, she does not suffer from any ego problems i can promise you that, and she certainly couldnt get any lower, we have also never judged any one. i believe that most of the people that come on here do not have any problems with their ego and are not in the position to judge others, they are already at a pretty low point in their lives. just a thought, the difference of opinion hey, what a wonderful thing. i understand you both mean well, i get that much, but i just dont understand the message this is supposed to relate to me, many thanks, best wishes VV
Hi. Vince. Just Another example of me knowing what I mean and expecting others to understand. My wife often pulls me up on it and it is a failing. But YOU have taught me how wrong it is. Let me say from the outset that if I have upset anyone over my post then I am deeply sorry. I do understand how you feel and my heart goes out to you. Can I try and explain. The teacher is not necessarily a physical person, I know you will understand that. I never suggested that humility brings relief. Many Saints were very humble people but suffered great agony of the mind. I am sorry, but this is difficult to explain but since you asked the question I must answer. You and your wife, I would suggest, know what humility is because you are suffering so. You have lost the ego we talk about because of your suffering. (As, I believe, has stde) My suffering, God knows, is nothing compared with yours, but it taught me a lot about myself. I cannot speak for stde, who, you will notice from his last blog, had cancer. But to me all suffering has a purpose. Looking back over what I have written I realise that it is a totally inadequate answer to your question. I can only put into words my own thoughts and feelings based on my own experience. I am so sorry if you don't understand, and I wish you and your wife well. God bless both of you. You are in our thoughts. jonathan.
Hey Jonathan,
No, no, please dont blame yourself at all, you never upset me jon please dont think that, i have gained a great deal from your posts, as you know, you always provide a answer to people that are in real need of help, and have my total respect for that, not just advice but good helpful advice. i wouldnt reply at all either if i thought i was upsetting you or anyone else, that isnt me, and would cause me a great deal of anxiety if i upset someone. Im just always interested lets say, ill take anything on board that might help me even a little.
however, i am feeling pretty low at the moment and probably shouldnt be commenting on anything as im not in the right frame of mind. but as im here, and can never shut up, i will continue lol.
I respect your views jon and if it works for you, excellent, i agree with, and am only too happy for anyone that finds something (anything) that provides a sense of relief. I have tried a religous path, but sadly it didnt work for me, that doesnt mean i have anything against it, or certainly anything against people that have found help from their faith, i dont disbelieve either. I thank you for adding to your reply, its a shame, that i still dont really get anything from this. we are all entitled to our point of view jon, it would be a boring place if all we did was agree with each other and a little debating doesnt hurt.
Theres just bits that dont make sense to (me), i dont believe i have ever had an ego, i have always believed in putting others before myself and still do, i study, and have a real interest in politics, especially foreign politics, (i like to support the underdog you see) just call me CHE lol. my beliefs will never change in this way, i have held them for too long now. but i dont believe it took losing my mum to breast cancer, or my wife to become so unwell for me to lose an ego that i dont believe i ever had, or become humble, when i already was humble, not by illness, but more by a sadness of the third world suffering, not little old individual me. maybe thats my problem, that i do hold a bit of anger as to why? i think i understand your reply a little better, like i say im not feeling so good at the mo, so ill shut up, (just for now though) all the best jonathan your a top fella, that i really enjoy talking to, and reading yourhu excellent posts.
and the book is superb, the best ive read on anxiety, for someone that didnt have anxiety but worked with people that did, a superb view of how it feels, thank you, VV
Hi Vincent,
I was sad to read how ill your wife is and that you are not in good place yourself at the moment.
I found this interpretation of a classic quote quite difficult to grasp too. I'd like to say I've come to shine a light in the dark but I'm afraid it's very likely I've turned up to add a new dimension to the gloom. Still here goes ~
As I understand it (and I read history not psychology - quick disclaimer) Ego is about having a sense of self and how we reconcile our own needs with the world around us. This is not generally considered to be a bad thing! Hubris, however, is an overwhelming arrogance, a belief that we are the centre of importance. Perhaps that would have been a better choice of word?
That said I do recognise that one of the triggers (causes?) of my anxiety is to do with my underlying belief that I am the centre of the world, that everything is about me!!! This does not manifest when I feel in control (arrogant) though it manifest when I am especially low and struggling to cope. Suddenly I feel I am having a huge effect on everything around me: I have caused all the problems, I am causing distress to everyone around me and of course, I am the All Powerful Oz and it is my job to fix everything and everybody. You have no idea how ill I have made myself (or perhaps you do) trying to fix things that were never under my control in the first place. If this is hubris it is very subtle and in many ways I would prefer to see it as the voice of anxiety driving me to places I do not want to be and should not go to.
Am I making sense? I won't go so far as to ask if I'm helping!!! I don't know how any of this applies to you and I certainly don't see how any of it applies to your wife.
So I'll close with this. You have been a great support to me and many others in the last few weeks. Your wit and humour never ceases to brighten these dark days.
Love and best wishes to you and your wife.
Lizard
(or you may know me better as the Christmas bat!!!)
Not everyone has to be "on there knees" some people are fortunate and clarity comes before the point is reached. We are all different...
...
The Ego can be very candid and difficult to notice if you are not aware....e.g. even If I were to comment on how foolish someone is in any walk of life...or commenting on a situation where I believe I knew better........this is me convinced that I knew best......In turn putting my opinion and me on a pedestal......i.e. feeding my Ego.(a false self-esteem)
This is different from self-esteeem ...quiet humble inner confidence that does,t have to be broadcast. And is helped by understanding that no matter what life throws at you, you will be able to remain calm and handle it.
To be humble may not give the relief you are looking for to ACCEPT the circumstances you cannot change will.........
I say this with the greatest of feeling as I can feel what you are going through and any form of acceptance must be hard....... This year I had cancer.... amongst loads of stuff...some even worse and still in the midst off!!!!!!....and yet when I said "why me" my answer comes as "why not you", like others I cannot chose my life events, They just happen.
I was not able to give it to the man next door because I did not want it!!
You know what..Life can be unfair...so the only way to deal with life is to ACCEPT what we cannot control. So we can only try to make it easy by altering our view that Life is Life and its going to happen anyway, and sometimes we can be dealt a stinking hand and sometimes we say why me then the answer may come...you are not so special and above all others to escape lives hardships.
This is how I deal with it, but because of your difficult circumstances you may understandably hold some anger (some may say quite rightly so!) and resentment at how life is panning out at the moment............But sadly these emotions never help in giving you a still mind.
You see the teacher only turns up when you are ready......how long it takes is up to our readyness !!!!(spiritual Awakening
I truly wish you and your wife good wishes on a hard path.....may your god walk with you..x
Hi stde,
thank you for taking the time to explain things much clearer for me, its my problem to be honest, not yours.
i dont mean offence at all, im just always interested in opinions and different topics. we all have to have different ones dont we. im certainly not picking holes in what you believe, i would not do that, i completly respect your views.
You mentioned one very interesting point that made my eyes light up, you see stde, you have picked up on one thing that i see as not only a problem for me, but what i believe to be the cause of my illness, which adds weight to your point, not mine.
if we just go back a little, my mother worked in a hospice in somerset, yet we were not to know that within the next 3 years she would be a patient at the same hospice, i found this very difficult to deal with as it was out of my control, there was nothing i could do to stop the hurt and pain, this 'out of control' provided me with the begining of a long journey with a companion called 'anxiety'.
then to reinforce my anxiety came the start of my wifes struggles. before my wife became unwell she was working for the womens royal voluntary service, which did not require her to go missing for hours on end chatting and picking up shopping, medicines and all sorts, that i thought was both extremly sad, but heart warming, though she became so very unwell, that now i dress, wash and feed my wife. again, something that was out of my control, i couldnt stop it, it didnt matter what i did, i couldnt change the natural progress of the illness. this i believe is a problem for me, i may well be stuck you see. please dont missunderstand me, my wife and i are very happy, its not all a doom and gloom story, we have been together for 28 years and have grown up together, i also get a get deal of self worth from helping her live as normal a life as possible.
you have made yourself much clearer for me, thank you, you have provided me with a very clear opinion of yours. i dont think my mind will ever be settled, thus, you may well be right stde, as i do hold anger, i do believe why my mum and my wife, i simply cant agree with 'why not me' and what makes them so special is simply because they were and are special, and that 'why them' can just as easily be applied as to 'why not me'. it is impossible for me to have faith, i have tried. i dont want to disbelieve, because of my mum, but i cant believe either, i have little to be thankful for in what life has throw at others, not me. respect to you stde you made a very worthy point thank you, i enjoyed your reply. best wishes to you, merry christmas VV
I would not normally share this, but the time is right for me, you and anyone who happens to read this post.
I really respect your reply , today has been 4mths since I brought my mother home to die, she is now on a nebulizer and oxygen it may be that by the time you read this post she will be gone,
We are fortunate to live round the corner but as my wife looks after grandchildren and my Sister stays abroad, so with the help of visiting carers, she depends on me.
My father who is 87 took a mental breakdown when he found out so I was by his side for 2 months previous till his partial recovery, he now lives in denial, so when the time comes I will still have to pick up the pieces, for how long I do not know.
I am with her 20hrs a day and sleep in a single bed next to her each night, telling her that I love her as a goodnight.....
Each time she asks for something she says sorry for disturbing you, I tell her she,s not and that it is a privaledge to look after her, as she did for me in childhood....
And in January I go for my next Cancer treatment....!!!!!!!!
Why am I telling a stranger but hopefully new friend this because what good would I be if I was resentful or carried anger....what good would I be to have the poor me,s.....yes life can be unfair but I have to ACCEPT that I,m not that important to be privaledged..
People say your doing a wonderful job which instead of that allowing to inflate my ego...I reply that it is my "privaledge" to look after her.
And I try to live for today for thats really all I,ve got......
Am I a saint?????? ha ha ...no way, I just learned that you can change....The "me" today is certainly not the self centered, arrogant person from years ago, and for this I thank my suffering and thank god for allowing me to learn from my experience..and anyway although I remain well, I love this site because who knows someday..again..I will need you more..and you will be hear to help
I have other problems...LOL, but I think I,ve said enough, and thank you for your post which has made me open up...not because I felt I had too.....But maybe it will help you and others to know that at the present "you are not alone"
Unfortunately sometimes Life is just Life
May your god walk with you.....x
Thinking of you and praying for you at this time. Thank you for sharing this. God bless. L
Whatever I say will be entirely superficial and inappropriate. There are no words to express my feelings at this moment. To think I had troubles when I read of such courage and devotion brings tears to my eyes and my paltry little problems fade into insignificance. You have all brought me down to earth with a bump, and my gratitude for that is overwhelming. Thank you all and God bless and keep you safe. Love. jonathan.
I Would never gave mentioned it, just thought It would help Vicentvega to know he is not alone, and to be well you have to let go negatives.
And I feel the same..lol...my problems seem paltry to Vincentvegas....and probably to a lot of others.......I guess I,m not alone either.....
Thank you johnathan, today i,m fine and thats all that matters....God Bless you
VincentVega, it is interesting that you think you don't really understand the statement 'when the pupil is ready the teacher will come'. In my opinion the teacher has been with you for some considerable time. Ask yourself what you have learned through your tough and challenging experiences. It is through these experiences that the teacher (life itself) has taught you valuable 'lessons'. It has taught you the power of loyalty, selflessness and,above all, love. I think you are coping admirably in a very difficult situation. I know a little about this because my dad had MS. It is a very cruel disease.
If you are ever in any doubt about how you are handling things then ask yourself what you would think about someone else who was dealing with your situation in the way you are. I think you would think that they had great strength and tenacity. You should be proud of yourself and your relationship with your wife, which has withstood much adversity. I hope you continue to share your sense of humour and that you find some pleasure in the small things of life, which so many people take for granted. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.
The devil is busy
The shadow of the shadow: why anxiety disorder doesn't always yield when the cause is resolved?
When will it end 
When you like to please people this is the worst illness you can have......
