Time is one of those things that people say heals all and i am inclined to believe this now. When i was at my worst a couple of months back, i knew time would be the key but knowing that and accepting that are different things.
It took me a long time to really accept what was happening to me rather than just trying to fight it. Going back to work has helped and i am finally at the stage where i do something and cope with how i feel rather than panic first about doing something and then do my best to keep the panic at bay during it.
My CBT has taught me that i need to repeat tasks and they will then start to lose any fear they hold and this is true. Don't get me wrong, how i feel is still very much in my mind but i do not let it rule me. I let any panic sweep up and then past me. I do not run away from it, i slow down, breathe into my belly, relax all my muscles and let it pass. And it always does pass.
I still suffer with a tight chest most days and can feel dizzy but it does not bother me like before. There are also things i have not managed to do yet like eat in a restaurant and go shopping on a saturday when its busy but the thought of these don't scare me now. I know i will do them soon and although i will maybe feel a bit panicky, it will pass.
I am off to a concert on Saturday 100 miles from home and although aprehensive, i will do my best to make it a successful day. What i have realised recently is that it doesn't matter where i am, it is me and not the situation that causes the panic. It is no different being in a car stuck in traffic or sat on my sofa at home. It is me that causes a reaction and it is me that can stop it before it starts.
I have been having hypnotherapy and i am sure this has helped. If not this then the relaxation that it brings. I've also read a lot of and listened to a lot of the works of Claire Weekes. She really does talk sense. I was on Prozac but have reduced my dosage to every 2 days and now 3 days with the intention of stopping altogether soon. It made me too hyper and therefore more panicky as i felt constantly wired!
So for everyone who is suffering, things can get better believe me. Practice the things that make you nervous.
I still suprise myself sometimes when i realise i haven't thought about how i am feeling for a little while. Yes i have days when i don't feel right and fully expect setbacks but when i look back 3 months and see the progress made, i know things can only keep getting better.
Much love and hugs