Social anxiety?

[Dyslexichick]

Anybody else have absolutely no idea how to communicate with others? At work for instance, at dinner I've no idea what to say to others - I've only been there since September, but still I can't make any inroads. I just don't know what to do. I'm useless at small talk and I'm fed up of being lonely.

[Pennylayne]

The thing to remember is that other people love to talk about themselves so take the focus away from yourself.......you don't have to talk about yourself or have an opinion on something. The easiest thing is to ask a question........have you started your Christmas shopping yet? Did you do anything interesting at the weekend?

You may just exchange a few sentences once your've asked the question but it's a start.

On the other hand you may find that some people will want to tell you about their shopping etc for quite some time.

The other thing that people like is a compliment such as .......I really like your necklace/earrings etc ......they really suit you.

Then there is always the great British favourite .....the weather which has been causing such problems that it's on everyone's mind so an easy topic. You could just say ......it's been dreadful for those poor people who's homes were flooded and maybe add some information you read about it.

It's easier in a way to talk about things that take the focus away from yourself and once you've started there may be things in the conversation that you can ask another question about or make a general comment on ......before you know it you're having a conversation.

Good luck

[Hidden]

Some people helping others with shyness talk about "FORE", which stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation and Education. These are the topics that people generally tend to speak about. So next time you are in a situation like this think "FORE" and decide what you haven't asked people yet. People generally enjoy being asked to talk about themselves and will respond not just with their answer, but then maybe ask you the same thing, so be prepared to answer the same question you are asking them. For example -

YOU : So, Jane, do you have any children?

Jane : Yes, I've got two boys aged 6 and 10. That's why I always look so tired, they wear me out! haha!

YOU : Wow, sounds like hard work. They're the same ages as my sister's children.

Jane : Oh right, do you have any more brothers and sisters?

YOU: No, just the one sister

Jane : And do you have any children of your own?

YOU : Not yet, but maybe one day I will. I do love children and am always available to babysit

Jane : Oh, I'll remember that. I'll have to get your number, I'm always looking for a reliable babysitter. Anyway, how are you finding the job, have you settled in here yet?...........

That's just an example of course, but think of your own circumstances and how you could think of questions to ask regarding those four main topics. Try to make it sound natural, so that the person doesn't feel they are being interviewed or interrogated. A conversation should be like a gentle game of tennis where the responses are gently batted back and forth.

Maybe choose one person and decide to ask them one new question each day until you feel more comfortable with them and then move on in getting to know the rest of the team.

This may feel unnatural at first if you are shy and anxious. You may feel self-conscious saying things and worrying about the response, or not getting the response you wanted. But don't give up!

Congratulate yourself every time you manage to speak up, especially if it did make you feel nervous, as you will be breaking out of your cocoon of shyness and enjoying life more!

[Hidden]

Hi. penny and funky. You know, it is amazing on this site how one learns so much every day.

I love the FORE thing. I was very shy as a child and a youngster and if I had known about FORE then it would have helped enormously. Many thanks to you both. Love. jonathan.

[stewartmays1]

i have social anxiety been pretty bad the last few years and when i had cbt they showed me how to overcome the problems by facing your fear so rather then not speak to people ect do the opposite its sounds stupid but for the most part it really does work

[Ironside56]

I have alway had it difficult to make friends and socialising with other people, especially if one has a disability. Been somewhat of a loner, which isn't nice to be. Always worried if I offend other people. Or I give the wrong impression of myself.

[chrissymomma84]

I know exactly how you feel it's terrible I had a panic attack at my son's cub scout camp out because my husband had to leave for a little while and I actually had to talk to the other adults it was so embarrassing.I don't go anywhere alone ever .

[Kessa]

Same here I don't know what to say either. I feel so embarassed all the time..