I just thought I would write about my day yesterday. It was a day I had been dreading for a month. An appointment with death you would have thought if you could have read my mind! I had an appointment at the local Job Center for a Personal Advisor Interview. I survived and am here to tell the tale lol!. After waking in cold sweats, retching, crying and getting in a right old state for a month , my day of reckoning dawned yesterday. If I had been going to be executed I couldn't have cared less! The day I had been dreading was here. I caught the bus! went to the appointment, did a bit of shopping and caught the bus home.
That was it.
How the hell can something so simple cause so much anguish, really bad anguish as well. I feel like playing " Do not forsake me oh my darling" from the film " High Noon ". Now this journey was made alone because I could not have stood having to talk to someone while undertaking it. How cruel life can be!! I can walk, talk, see, hear but I am severely restricted from living a day to day life without immense anxiety. I don't ask for much? and the only thing that spurs me on is a survival instinct, ( and who would look after my cats? ). Bless everyone on this site.........you don't know how much I rely on you. It wasn't just any old bus journey....it was blood , sweat and tears literally ....but I survived to tell the tale. Thank You from the bottom of my heart for being there for me
Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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ellabella
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Hi. ellabella. Oh how wonderful!!! You have made my and my wife's day. Amid all this you have maintained a wonderful sense of humour. I am afraid we fell about laughing (you will understand what we mean) My wife and I often laugh at ME and who wouldn't with some of the antics I get up to with this anxiety thing. When you stand back and look at it it is surprising how humorous it is, although to the sufferer it does not seem so and I am in no way diminishing it. It is only when you begin to come out that you can see the funny side. What you are pointing out, in all seriousness, is that our symptoms are normal ones greatly exaggerated. Who wouldn't feel apprehensive when going for that kind of interview. But to us sufferers they can be a real nightmare. I still find going to the GP a bit of a problem. When I was in the middle of my "naggers" (wonderful word) I went for some healing to a bit of an idiot, I have since found. He said "Of course, you will never get over this".!! My wife and I came outside and, I am pleased to say, we fell about laughing, although I felt really ill. To think we had gone for help and got that! Have I learned an awful lot since. Gary Grant, in High Noon managed to overcome all his enemies. Perhaps there is lesson there for us. (How I love a good Western). Keep making us laugh ellabella and happy days to you. jonathan.
You are AWESOME and you have really achieved something I hope you really treated yourself and congratulated yourself. So many people would give up but not you...you persevered!
Oh, wow, Ella, WELL DONE!!!!!!! I so understand the crying, the sweats, the panic beforehand - but YOU DID IT!!! You, Ella, you did it, on your own and despite all the horrible feelings/apprehensions/worries/panics!!!! YOU DID IT!!!!!! I am SO proud of you!!!!! And, as the others have said, thank you for keeping your sense of humour and making us laugh - bless you. Yeah, and i can understand about your cats - my mother used to say she was the only woman she knew who stayed with her (horrible) husband because she couldn't leave the dog!!!
Love ya, hun, and well done again!
Rose xxxxx
As you know i am on the other side of this crappy anxiety. Well done for what you achieved yesterday. I hope it gave you a feeling of achievement. xxxx
ella you are sooo sweet and made me smile, God bless you and i am sooo happy love.
why don't u go out now on a daily basis, you know that you survived the journey, so maybe now u can make it to shopping mall and come back, do it early morning when less people around.
very happy and proud
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Very well done!!! and all the best for future journeys!!! xx
Thank you all for all your continued support, I couldn't have done much without it. I WILL carry on the very best that I can : ) You are more special than you will ever know ; ) xxxxxxxx
Hi ellabella. No, you are the special one. Great blogs. Great achievement. Good luck. jonathan.
Well done Ella when we do one of these things we dread and get worked up about the feeling is amazing I hope you treated your self well and you step on from this on here a victory by one of us is a victory for us all we all should take heart from this thanks for your sharing keep having good days Mel
Hi Ellabella!!
Wowww!!!this is amazing!U did it!!well done,I m truly happy for you.This is the beginning of a new journey for u..u will get better and better!!
I still remember when I was soooo scared to get on a bus and now I m not even thinking about it...(well sometimes when it s too busy but it s ok )
So much effort and hard work just for a short journey..well done!remember the key is not to avoid buses..but face u re fear..step by step!Or stop by stop lol!!!
Thank you everybody it means an awful lot to have this support , I honestly don't think I could have done that without my mates on here <3 !! Bless you all
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