Hi all. Through all the heartache and anxiety, despair and depression have many given thought to the reverse side of the coin? Most who suffer from anxiety disorders are sensitive people who are, in their own way, creative. I have known many artists and writers who have suffered in this way and, in spite of it, have created some wonderful work. A lot of "great" people have suffered depression from Ghengis Khan to Winston Churchill, who called it his "black dog" that would come and sit at his feet in times of stress. Art can be of great help to sufferers that is why Churchill said that without his painting during the last war he could not have coped. Any form of art can be beneficial to a sufferer. Writing is very useful as is painting. You get some of the anxiety out of your system by doing either of these. Being creative gets you out of the introspection we all have. It stops a little of the self pity and rouses interest and outside interest is most important. I know a lot of us are too tired to get to do a lot but, if you can, give it a try. You may be surprised how much inner talent there is.
You're right in many ways, Jonathan, but I suffer huge loss of confidence with my creativity along with anxiety and depression. I was very much into textile art years ago and am still interested, but the drive and intense delight I used to experience which drove me to experiment and was such a source of joy is now more of a sense of failure. I see others being inspired and producing wonderful work and I just feel envious, resentful and bitter (and I loathe feeling that way - I do hide it as best I can, knowing it's not nice for others to experience and I don't want it to be anyone else's problem too).
I go to art exhibitions of many kinds. Some work I admire and find beautiful; some I feel 'But I could have done that too!' and return home to make a start - and that's how it remains, a start. I rarely finish anything and I don't much value things I do.
Now I feel I have sabotaged your lovely and sensitive post. It was so positive and I have turned it on its head!
It's easy to get frustrated and criticise yourself. I am the same. Sometimes I do struggle to create what I plan, stay motivated and finish things. I used to sing, act, draw on the computer and write. But within the events of the past few years slowly found myself less able to do so. But there are times when I can - it's mostly writing. When I do I feel proud. And it feels like some small part of me still 'exists' - if you will - it gives me hope. When I blog, and people tell me how interesting they are - it makes me very happy. But I do take a break from it if I need to.
My advice is just see how things go, don't try too hard, or work up expectations, just be proud that you tried. Perhaps you could look back on some of your old work? Recognise your achievements and be proud. And as the blog says - writing always helps - as it's like a release to. You seem to be good at explaning your feelings and another thing I have noticed, hedgecrone, you always take your time to comment and help other people on here (I've always seen your usually the first to comment!)- and I've noticed advice is of excellent, detailed quality - you are empathetic. So as you have to me in the past, and many others: Be compassionate to yourself and don't push yourself too hard. Do what you can only do and you will suprised with what you achieve. I often suprise myself. And as for the bitterness, honey, well, we all feel bitter or jealous from time to time. It's human. The fact that you are conscious of it and recognise it as a problem is a positive, it's shows that you are a good, kind, and sensitive person. Think about it: If a close friend or family member said to you that they were experiancing feelings of insecurity, jealously, and possibly anger, would you judge them? Just from what I've seen here already I very much doubt it. Because you a kind person.
One last thing, some people hypothesise that anxiety derives from the route feelings of frustration. Frustration that is more likely to be experianced by 'tormented artists', so it's a vicious circle. But theoretically, (and I know this is easier for me to say than you to do) getting back into your art you should begin to break the cycle - of course I'm not saying it's going to solve everything - there are many other reasons for anxiety, but it might help. My advice is to take small steps. Maybe write your progress down to keep tract and help you emotionally along the way?
Whatever you do, let me know how you get on - I would be really interested to hear from you again. And I wish you the best of luck.
wanderingwallflower (BTW - thanks for you advice to me on a blog a few months back, you have been helpful to me).
xxx
P.S.: Also refer to comment below you. Jonathan2468 has replied too your comment too. (Btw, thankyou for the post Jonathan, appreciated reading it - it was very eye opening)
V
Hi hedgecrone. No you hav'nt upset my blog. You are demonstrating the problems involved in starting to get interested in creative work during or after an anxiety episode. This feeling of not wanting to do is so common. At the moment I have it. I make replica models of old ships and find the hobby now more a chore than a pleasant exercise. But I know it will pass. It has before. Losing interest in ones pleasures is a classic symptom so do not be alarmed by it. You are still able to appreciate good work, so you must still be interested and will, without doubt, begin to do your own thing again. Good luck.
Hi Jonathan, I really enjoyed reading your post, itself a well constructed and creative take on anxiety that i hadn't considered at all! Admittedly I haven't delved into any literature on the subject, or accounts of the kind of great people whom have been afflicted by anxiety but since I started looking for help with the physiological symptoms that i couldn't explain (only started 3 or so months ago) I have been amazed at the amount of people around me that have sufferred at some point, and the degrees to which they have and have got through it. Anyway, without waffling too much, I am an artist in my own right. I produce various comissioned works, paints mostly, but also tattoo; and I can completely agree with you. Out of all the difficult aspects that anxiety gets it's teeth into, i can at any time pick up a tool with all the usual confidence and create. It's really strange, when you consider how profound even the simplest of symptoms can affect all sorts of aspects. I myself have taken to excersise to combat it. Running and weights here and there, but mainly because I need tangible things to measure my own health by, (mine all started with a singular health concern, diagnosed and sorted within days, but months on and with no actual stress or fear i'm still coping with fluttery chest, insomnia, acid reflux etc etc!).
It also extends to the guitar, it's a great distraction to pick a song and find a tab for it then try (for too long, as my fiance tells me!) to play it!
Even now writing this i'm eyeing up my most recent watercolour which is part-finished, but have had a crap few hours with a tight chest and throat, as I get towards the late evening which seems to be when my favorite symptoms come out.
Anyway if you ever want to swap a model ship for a painting, let me know!
So where'd i leave my brush......
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Hi JonathanS. You seem to have got the monkey by the tail! You are fortunate in that you can still create which means you are more than halfway there. Having an interest and mixing with others of a like mind is most beneficial. Good luck and I hope the water colour comes out well. jonathan.
Hi, two years of counselling and I am better but not totally ,I still have bad days ,but some good as well,I don't think I am ever going to get rid of this,it takes over a part of you and is not willing to let you go.In my therapy I had to go back to childhood ,and start from there ,my dad was an alcoholic ,and was violent to my mother,he would do it to us ,not physical but mentally,I was mollested when I was five,and sexually assaulted when I was 11by my uncle so they think this is where my anxiety has came from as I have kept it all inside till now,and I'm 45 now,it's so comforting to know there is other people like me and that I'm not going insane thinking I have got cancer all the time ,I just wish I could get back my life and start enjoying life again,but I fear that's not going to happen ,as you can see not having a good week lol, (nothing new) thanks for reading ,I'd be interested in your thoughts
Hi Vanscotland. Thanks for your blog. Of course, the expriences you went through would affect your outlook on life but the main cause of all our problems is that we become sensitised by some thought or happening that brings all the old memories back. You are not your mother or father! Violence and bad behaviour are not inherited.They come about, especially as a child, by thinking them normal. They are brought about by circumstances and the perpatrators are to be pitied rather than blamed. Whatever is causing your problems now is not necessaily from the past, but as I said before, it could be due to your being sensitised. I believe that it is not the memories that cause the problems but the other way round. Being sensitised brings up long forgotten memories. The way out is to accept the way you feel for the moment. Please, do not dwell on the past. We all have things we would rather forget, but do not allow them to get in the way of normal living. My personal view is that going into the past achieves nothing. It is the present we have to deal with. Can you forgive all those who harmed you? I know it is asking a lot but it does help if done sincerely. Blessings and good luck. jonathan.
Hi Jonathan
I am really glad to read your blog and couldn't agree more. It is the outside interest that helps with depression, and it is usually the more sensitive people who get depression.
I've been stuck in a fantasy of a wished for contact with a particular person since waking this morning, but then got a phone call a few minutes ago which transformed my mood - I'm an artist and the gallery phoned to say someone was interested in some of my landscape praintings and did I have any originals rather than prints for sale. At the moment I dont, but a chat with the gallery owner has begun to inspire me to want to paint after several years of finding myself unable to produce any work.
Outside interest is precisely the thing that makes life meaningful and balances the self pity which accompanies depression. One of the reasons the website is helpful is that when people reply at least we know they were interested enough to read the blog!
Keep writing!
Suexx
Hi secondhand rose.Well done. What a breakthrough. It will no doubt inspire you to further efforts. It is intersting that you say "it changed my mood". That is our problem. We react to our mood. We feel better when something good happens just as we go down when it is not so good. Jolly good luck. Hope to see some of your work in The Tate!!!. jonathan.
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Perhaps you could look back on some of your old work? Recognise your achievements and be proud. And as the blog says - writing always helps - as it's like a release to. You seem to be good at explaning your feelings and another thing I have noticed, hedgecrone, you always take your time to comment and help other people on here (I've always seen your usually the first to comment!)- and I've noticed advice is of excellent, detailed quality - you are empathetic. So as you have to me in the past, and many others: Be compassionate to yourself and don't push yourself too hard. Do what you can only do and you will suprised with what you achieve. I often suprise myself. And as for the bitterness, honey, well, we all feel bitter or jealous from time to time. It's human. The fact that you are conscious of it and recognise it as a problem is a positive, it's shows that you are a good, kind, and sensitive person. Think about it: If a close friend or family member said to you that they were experiancing feelings of insecurity, jealously, and possibly anger, would you judge them? Just from what I've seen here already I very much doubt it. Because you a kind person. 
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