I don't get why humans behave like they do.

[Weirdperson]

Am I right to think that maybe I'm like a person with down syndrome in a room full of normal people were the guy with down syndrome doesn't understand all the things that go on in a room of smart people, but in my case there is a whole other level of consciousness that everyone else possesses that I can never understand, explaining the irrational behavior of some people?

If I understand so much about the world at 18, what would it be like for a 50 year old with so much knowledge, think about how sophisticated communication could get, or maybe people are inherently more capable of something I don't possess. Is there something encoded in every movement we do or several interpretations of a bunch of sentences in a certain order or something beyond that? I understand manipulation by using certain words or triggers and creating a double meaning but something more than that.

I wonder if adults have a sophisticated framework to protect young people till they understand reality and they know everything about you. Maybe everyone in this world exists to help me become something till I’m ready to be released. Maybe this world is a school day on an alien planet and education is an escape room. (this world). It seems that the only hope of escaping is entanglement because of uncertainty; however I won’t be alive.It could be a simulation 50/50 or very likely. I don’t know. Am I crazy?

I’m a bit confused from experiences I have had with people and trying to rationalize them. I always feel like people know something I don’t. Everyone seems to leave me aside, say they don’t understand what I say and ignore me. I’m not philosophical like this in public, I make jokes, try to be funny and just ask how things are going and “what's up?”What's the latest trend or whatever or thing that happened or what that dude did? I know that there are certain topics you don’t talk about in casual settings. I understand these norms. I still find myself not understanding why others say what they do or behave like they do.

I have always wondered if I am not seeing as far ahead as other people, if you think of life as a chess game. I also wonder if its because I lack introspection or maybe I am not very self aware. I would rather live in pain than in ignorance. Either the pain doesn't exist, or other people would rather that I lived in ignorance. If people were that much smarter than me tho, then why haven't they found a way of using me? Or maybe they have. I don't know and I want an answer. People seem to be very cynical about everything, they never talk about their interests and never point out interesting details or talk about things that I know they know about. People are very inhibited too, I never understood why.

I’m fascinated with nature, math, biology especially microbiology and especially CRISPR cas9 gene editing, physics, music theory and audio processing, 3D design and art and coding. I love going on walks up mountains but no one seems to be interested in this. I listen to lots of genres of music and everyone in my class likes reggaeton. I like some reggaeton songs and I try to conform but I just can’t stand the same beat or 1564 songs. People don't seem to care about anything, a helicopter was literally only a few meters above our school and I could feel the wind and no one even looked, they were too busy talking to their friends. They never ask “why?” when they are given a formula they don’t give a shit about anything but grades. My personality is completely different, I’m not very smart, I easily forget things, but I am very curious. I seem to have an energy others do not have, I am more emotional even though I hide it and I'm very cautious. Can anyone relate?

Disclaimer : I do not believe in these thoughts, I think about their possibility of existing.