Social Anxiety

[BS08]

Hi,

I have never posted anything like this before but feel I just need some help. I'm pretty sure i have social anxiety or at least convinced myself I do.

I find myself struggling to do the things people do without even having to think about it. Being able to go out, have fun, speak naturally to other people is a challenge and it gets to the point where its easier not to try which just makes it worse in the long run.

I am scared that I will never change.

[Agora1]

Welcome BS08 to a caring forum.I think many of us when we are young (including myself) were shy, introverted and

not that good with interaction. Give yourself time. Don't allow yourself to hide in your home waiting for you to become outgoing. It sometimes happens as we get a little bit

older, experiencing life more and feeling more comfortable in our own body.

The more we practice interacting with others, the less fearful it will become.

I'm happy to have you here with us. There are many who struggle with social anxiety.

As you respond to posts, you will get to feel more confident in yourself by knowing you

are not alone. xx

[Rusty73]

I agree with Agora, life is so hard for your age group at the moment, we have all missed out of so much time that we could have been interacting with people and if you feel anxious in social situations it just makes it so much harder to want to get out there. It does get a little better with age/time but I still hate going out to places I don’t know. There are quite a few good resources on the nhs website for cognitive behavioural therapy and also I find some meditation or relaxation podcasts really help. But don’t be afraid to ask your gp for help. The waiting list for counselling is apparently long so it’s never too soon to get your name on the list. You are not alone in this, hopefully you can pick up some coping tools from others on here to help you along. Take care.

[Superzob]

I'm almost 72 now, and had social anxiety all my life, but largely got through it by treating meeting people as work (since my work required that anyway). I'm not interested in small-talk, and can't do it anyway but, from my own experience, it is possible to "socialise" by latching onto something someone has said which is informative and educational (like what they do, where they've been, what they've seen, etc). One thing I think many shy people (like me) mistakenly believe is that they have nothing to offer other people, so other people won't be interested in them - that is very much not the case, in my experience, particularly if you've taken the trouble to learn something from other people.

Shy people often believe that they are a minority, and therefore feel left out; however, it is a very large minority, with estimates that around a third of the entire population is shy - it's just that outgoing people are more obvious! As others have said, give yourself time to adjust to who you are (not what you think you ought to be), and you will find a way to cope. We all contribute to the world in different ways - your contribution will be no less important just because you're shy!

[BS08 in reply to Superzob]

Thank you, it means a lot. Totally get your points on conversations, the feeling that whatever you have to say is not going to be of any interest to anyone so its easier to stay quiet.

[TegaItaisan]

Hi BS08. As others have suggested you might try facing the least threatening situations like Sitting near someone in the lunch/break room at work or restaurant. You don't need to engage in conversation at first but try for eye contact and if the other person does greet you, return the greeting with a smile. The next step would be a simple hello, how are your Or nice day today, etc. Gradually work yourself into closer contact and expanded conversation, etc. It does take time but it will take you to face this directly (assuming you want to improve in this area?). Good luck and keep us updated.

[Celtic27]

Hi bso8 sorry to hear your feeling unwell have you seen a doctor about how your feeling there's no shame in asking for help don't hold your self back the sooner you do it the better I wish you all the best david

[BS08 in reply to Celtic27]

Thanks David. A few years ago I went to my GP but he didn't see any issues at the time. Like majority have said I thought it best to give it time to see how I would get on. Sadly I've not felt like much has changed. Where I can I'm still avoiding social situations. Have a work social this Friday where I bet I will probably have fun but am dreading the build up and being back in on the Monday.

[designguy]

Good for you in recognizing what is going on for you and seeking answers. I went years not knowing what was going on for me and being mis-diagnosed with GAD. Once I figured out I had social anxiety I started to make progress. My suggestion is to see if you can find a therapist that specializes in treating social anxiety to work with. They may incorporate group and exposure therapy which can be very helpful. At the time, there wasn't one near me so I did an online program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org. People with social anxiety also tend to suffer from low-self-worth and low-self-esteem and self-compassion. I recommend The Break Free Program by Dr. Bernadette Sewall and also her articles for information. There is also a lot of information about this available on youtube. You may also benefit from medication at least temporarily which the therapist might recommend. It is definitely possible to heal from social anxiety and be able to get on with your life. There is so much more information, treatment and resources available now than when I was your age.

[BS08 in reply to designguy]

Thank you. That's all great suggestions so will definitely look into that.