Anxiety Fear of Time and Death

[janeths466]

Hello everyone,

I have had anxiety ever since I can remember. My first attack was at 12 years old, and I remember it vividly. When I was 16, I developed this huge fear of death after my grandmother died. I blame this on anxiety and depression since they always have me in this dark space, and it feels like I cannot escape. It was a dark time for me, and my mom worried so much for me. I would not eat, and it was just depressing to think of life coming to an end and afterlife. I eventually got over it slowly, and as I made myself busy with college I completely forgot. The idea of death was honestly okay with me years later, I was happy and although my anxiety would come back sometimes, it was easy to dismiss. I am now 23, almost 24, and this idea creeped up on me once again. I guess now I fear time passing. The idea that I am almost 24 and back in this existential crisis mode makes me so freaking sad. I thought I was out, and I fear going back to it in my 30s or 40s when I am older. I have this fear of being old and just dying overall? It's a weird cycle I am trying to get out of and I cannot? I am so disappointed in myself. I am 24 and still thinking of these thoughts that ruin me, and consume me. I have no motivation to keep going with my work or anything. Any tips? Recently I went on a 7 day trip to LA to see my favorite boyband and that made me so happy (the happiest I have been in years), and after it a lot of reflection happened which made me fall into this. I guess thinking of my mom being sick (she is in dialysis) and the future scares me. The realization that bad times may come, and the fact that I am almost 24 and I have no partner or kids makes me feel defeated when I look at others. This existential crisis is really taking a toll on me when it comes to the meaning of life and how to continue. Any advice is appreciated.

[janeths466]

I recently had COVID so I do not know if that sparked these thoughts lol. Just thinking of how long ago I feared these things and how I am back. Like 8 years have passed? Life goes by so quick and it scares me I know I am 23 but next thing I know I will be in my 30s.

[Jsteve36 in reply to janeths466]

I know how you feel, I have had anxiety since I was 8 and I am going to be 37 next month.Time does go by way too fast, it seems like it wasn't that long ago that I was in my twenties , now I'm almost 37 with Grey hair starting to show up.

every day I have this feeling that I am not going to be around much longer and it puts me into a deep depression as my mind is constantly thinking and believing I am not going to live much longer .

I have found a psychologist, I'm hoping that talking and working with a psychologist works

[janeths466 in reply to Jsteve36]

Our minds really are powerful, which I have noticed through this anxiety journey. I dwell on the idea of death and my fear of what happens after, however I will never know until then. My one comfort is thinking at I am not the only one that will go through it lol. In a sense that feels okay. I fear never getting out of this mindset, but I have random episodes of hope and happiness, which make me realize I can do it. I did it once, and now I am wondering how? Haha. At 18 I got off my fear of death and now I am back...crazy. Even got to the point where it was not triggering at all to think of nothingness...this was when I was living my best life; I just no longer feared it and lived day by day. Maybe I can get out of it again, but it feels like I cannot. My fear is distracting myself again, and then later in life falling into it when I am 50-60. That is why I want professional help, to always be stable. You are still quite young, and I am sure you got this! So glad you found a psychologist, because even talking to somebody can be so helpful. I am hoping nothing but happiness and a long life! May anxiety leave us.