I think I screwed up.

[DemureRose]

So in my last post, I talked about how my friends keep posting pictures hanging out without me and I couldn't figure out if it was intentional or not.

Well, I confronted one of my friends about it today. In retrospect it was stupid of me to do it one by own instead of the whole group, but honestly I was scared they would all team up on me. Three against one is scary. But I should have had more courage and just done it that way because it's screwed things up.

In the message, I just asked basically if I had done something that made them feel like they couldn't invite me or if I had done something that made them not want to invite me. I said that I just wanted to know so I could either apologize if necessary or work on fixing it if I could.

The friend I messaged first got very defensive. She said that being friends goes two ways and takes work and she didn't feel like I tried. She said that her and the other girls tried to get me to do things with them and to talk to them but no luck. I don't feel like thats the truth. I feel like I tried very hard to be a good friend. I said yes to literally everything they wanted me to do, even when I didn't want to. Our conversations show me being the one left on read, and I always responded when they messaged me. I just didn't make any effort to keep the conversation going, but I will say I did that for months before deciding I didn't want to anymore. I'd get like one word replies or vanilla replies that weren't engaging.

And I told her all of this, a lot nicer but very similar. She still didn't agree.

Here's where I made a mistake I think. I told her that maybe next time when she and my friends get together, they should refrain from posting about it if they've excluded someone. I shouldn't have said that looking back.

She responded by saying that I had no right to tell her what she can or can't post and that posting of her friends makes her happy so she's going to continue to do it. I was irritated at that so I said that like or not, posting pictures of a gathering when you've excluded someone is rude, whether you excluded them on purpose or not.

I regret saying that because in total, she is not the friend that does this the most. So I will end up apologizing for that.

I just feel like I have ruined things with her. She was so defensive and felt like I was attacking her, which was not what I wanted. I messaged her first because I knew she would tell me the truth. I knew she would tell me if I had accidentally said something that hurt someone's feelings or if they had decided they didn't want to be friends with me. But I should have just messaged them all at once.

The good thing is, when I messaged my other friend she was a lot nicer about it. I had messaged her and the other girl after messaging the first, because the first was getting so upset that I didn't want her to tell the other girls and make it seem like I was being sneaky. The one who was nice apologized and said that she hadn't invited me to the gathering last night due to covid (which I still think is dumb because there was six of them there and I don't see how one more person could have endangered things, especially since they know I have had covid), but that she wants to keep talking to me and enjoys talking to me.

I know I've screwed up and maybe my first friend was right, maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I should have put aside my pride and kept trying to initiate conversations. Maybe I should have been a better friend.

[Hidden]

Hi

I replied to your last post

We do over think things and when we do something we always focus on what we did wrong , what we could have done better yet we miss the fact that we had the courage to speak out which is a huge thing and when we look back on most things we can always find something we could have done different but it does not matter you have to let go and just feel proud that you stuck up for yourself

If someone wants to be friends they accept you just the way you are , none of us are perfect and therefore everyone will come with positives as well as flaws but if you value someone's friendship you sweep the flaws to one side

I would not over think it any more , it is done now and I would leave it to see if after a while when things have simmered down they start to include you again if not I would leave them to it and move on x

[DemureRose in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for replying to both my posts. I really appreciate it. Your advice is helpful and I’ll definitely use it.