Ashamed of never having a boyfriend, and being a virgin.

[Chocoholic_18_x]

I’m 17, nearly 18, and I just feel so ashamed of myself since I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Everyone else my age, and younger, are all dating people and have experience in dating, and I just feel so worthless and I feel like the only person in the world that’s never dated before. I also feel like the oldest person in the world to have never “done it”, or had a boyfriend. As I mention a lot in my posts, my social anxiety gets in the way of most of my day-to-day life, and I am working on it as I am currently going to therapy so I am definitely trying to work on myself and my self-esteem first. But I still feel very ashamed of this. I am also the last person in my friend group to have never dated and be a virgin. Also, whenever I’m in a group setting or group conversation and people start talking about relationships, I always lie and say “yeah, I’ve had a few guys in the past” or “yeah, I have a boyfriend/currently seeing someone” because in the past whenever I’ve told people I’ve never dated anyone, they would act so surprised and say stuff like “are you serious? I would have thought you have by now” or “how are you still single” and it’s so annoying, that’s why I started lying about it.

But anyways, any advice? Hopefully I’m not the only one who has never dated before, or has never “done it”. Lol

[froggymom88]

Dearest Chocoholic How wonderfully refreshing to hear you haven't "done it" with some passing boyfriend who will not be with you for the long haul. I think you are smart to save yourself and your sexuality for the right, one man, who will want to marry you and be there for you through thick and thin. This is not only smart but pleasing to God. Your friends are mistaken and there are many reasons not to engage in sex before marriage, pregnancy is one. Birth control doesn't always work and often the woman ends up alone while the guy moves on to someone else. Dating has a purpose, to find the right one to settle down with. You get to see how he or she acts in different circumstances and if they really have the qualities you want in a partner. Take your time and find someone who is the best for you. When your friends start bragging about boyfriends etc..., you tell them you are looking for the special one who deserves to be with you. Hugs.

[Flintridge]

I was you 20 years ago. And now I look back and think, I was SO young, how silly. Why was I freaking out over this? It may not feel like it but you’re very young and having not had a boyfriend is completely ok and normal. I wish I could have believed that at your age. I waisted so much time feeling like something was wrong with me and nothing actually was. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 24 and we’re now married with a baby. It’ll happen when the time is right and the right person has entered your life. Please don’t rush it. I hope you too look back on this and think, what was I thinking, I was so young, what was I worrying about! I’m sure you will

[teen_anxiety]

Hey it is ok you are not alone I have never dated before (unless you count 1 kiss in 4th grade before any of us really knew anything) and may not for a while because I have had crushes who have broken me and I realized that sometimes the drama and trouble is not worth it. As for doing it that I may never do or only enough to have a child with my husband. Why sell yourself to somebody only to find out later it was not you that he loved it was your body. besides if something were to change to it he may not love you the same and may even leave or cheat. Sometimes the things everyone likes are only pretend like you; wait for someone real someone who can help you through your struggles even. P.S. I am 16 so things are subject to change for me but if it does I will still believe this but I will have just found the someone real (or at least I hope I would)

and something else I believe is that even though not everyone lasts, and not everyone is high school sweethearts, that does not mean the man was the wrong one because he was the right one for that time and for that lesson you learned and the next one is the right person for the new chapter and the new lesson and someday someone will be the right one to settle down with just don't rush it you may get mixed up somewhere.

My final advice is some girls date around yes, but they are called sluts so sadly this world is always out to get someone but that is not a cause to be sad and say then there is no point in life because the strongest people were not born strong they just survived the most trials and are serving more every day. your trials have a reason and that is to bring the diamond out from inside you. Everyone is a diamond in the rough waiting for the waters of life to shape them and allow them to shine their true inner beauty for the world to admire and treasure!

[pmspaul]

Hi Chocoholic,

My advice to you is to stay your course and be proud of who you are. I’m sure lots of people are where you are right now. My oldest son is 17 too and isn’t/hasn’t dated anyone. Covid times sure aren’t helping that.

It’s normal at your age to put a lot of pressure on yourself about sex and relationships. It also normal to feel pressure from others your age. I can just about guarantee that some of the ones who are discussing relationships and sex are exaggerating, lying or both. If it were me, I’d just be honest and true to myself when the topic comes up. True friends will understand.

I believe God has a purpose and a path for you and if you stay on it, you will find the right person and relationship for you at the appointed time. And it will be worth the wait.

I didn’t date much through high school. Just 3 girls. I’m a little older than you, so when I say date, I mean date, not had sex with. I wrote off going to my senior prom because I wasn’t really interested in anyone. Well, out of the blue a month before prom, I crossed paths with a girl at school whom I’d never spoken with before and we hit it off. She actually asked me to prom. That was almost 29 years ago. She’s sleeping in bed beside me right now. We’ve been married for almost 25 years. I don’t regret for one minute not having dated more when I wasn’t that interested in it. I definitely don’t regret not having sex with any of those other girls along the way. I didn’t have sex until I was in college at age 19. And it was only because I was sure she was the woman I was going to marry. I’m sure God would rather I had waited until we were married, but that’s not how it worked out for us.

The point is, I’m sure I felt ashamed or like I was the oddball in high school back then, not dating much compared to everyone else, not having sex until I was in college, etc. But, I got to experience all the best firsts with the woman who is the love of my life, and in my book, that is/was worth the wait. And looking back, I don’t see what I might’ve missed out on. I just see that I took the right path. I don’t know anything about your social anxiety issues. But, just take care of yourself and trust that God has someone special for you already planned out. They will come along in due time and the worries you have about dating and sex will become a distant memory.

I wish you all the best and will be praying for you.

[Kainan]

I’m 28 and in the same position. Haven’t really dated or had a girlfriend. When I was at your age and if I had a girlfriend, knowing me, I most likely would of done something really stupid and lived to regret it. There’s literally all the time in the world, for you and me both 👌

[Hb2003]

I am in the same position since I am Muslim I can’t date anyone but I am happy about that ❤️😌