Dating

[LibraryLove]

So I'm looking for a bit of advice. I want to start dating and eventually find a boyfriend. But I get so anxious about it. I have gone on dates before, but I've never had a boyfriend before. I know my parents are probably wondering if I'm ever going to have a boyfriend. Basically here is what I'm worried about - things like if we fight I won't be able to stand up for myself, or we'll break up and I'll get really obsessive over them. For instance I have a brother who had his first serious girlfriend for a year but she was an alcoholic and didn't care as much about the relationship as he did. They've been broken up for months now and he's still hoping they'll get back together. He's even trying to find an apartment near where she lives. I'm so afraid of becoming that. I just want someone who is both a good friend but has interests on the romantic side too. Anyone have any advice about getting over these anxieties?

[creativesquirrel]

I had the same thoughts as you all of a few months ago. I actually took the leap and went online and met the most amazing person! If they are the right person then they will support your anxiety, like my partner currently does maybe online might be helpful in chatting to someone? Like with this forum you are being open, maybe if you find the right one online you may feel able to open up too? Only what you feel comfortable with though

[LibraryLove in reply to creativesquirrel]

Thank you. I'm trying to do some online dating, since meeting people in real life feels tricky too. People always say that the right guy will come along, and then I see people like my Aunt who are in their 60s and never married, or never attempted to date for as long as I have known her and she's sort of become the running joke in my family. I have gone on a few dates and they were fun. I'm trying, but I'm afraid that either I'll get sucked into the relationship so deeply it'll be hard to see anything past it, or I'll get scared and shut him out.

[creativesquirrel in reply to LibraryLove]

I know how you feel there! I was so worried and still am sometimes about my relationship, that it all seems too good to be true, and that it will come crashing down! I really struggled with meeting my partner for the first time and it did take me a while, but he was happy to wait you never know! As long you are trying that is the main thing celebrate the small steps!

[LibraryLove in reply to creativesquirrel]

Thank you. I really hope I get to that point of happiness and trust in someone else. Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it.

[creativesquirrel in reply to LibraryLove]

Always happy to help! Do feel free to message me if you ever need to! It is hard, and I understand how you are feeling! But it can work out for us too, even if our anxiety wants to stop us

[LibraryLove in reply to creativesquirrel]

Yeah. It did work for my sister. She's married and expecting, and she's gotta boat load of anxiety. We weren't sure if she was ever going to find someone cause her anxiety causes her to lash out at people and she can get really mean. Her husband seems to really love her though. So I guess there is hope for any of us hahaha.

[creativesquirrel in reply to LibraryLove]

There is indeed

[LibraryLove in reply to creativesquirrel]

I went out on the date and it ended being really terrible. He seemed great on paper but once we were talking it turns out he was kinda rude and gross and lacked the passion and interests that I thought he had on paper and it ended on a really bad note.

[creativesquirrel in reply to LibraryLove]

Hey, well done you! You went out on one! That’s an amazing start ☺️

[LibraryLove in reply to creativesquirrel]

Thanks still have anxiety from it. My thoughts keep going over how stupid I was and how lucky I am that it didn't turn out to something else. Ughhh

[creativesquirrel in reply to LibraryLove]

Never stupid, just a lesson learnt ☺️

[JannyLi]

Oh poor darling.. Well you see if you don't try , you'll never know. It's the high time you tried building relationships because later it will be more difficult and difficult, may be you'd better to stop being sorry for yourself and have a try of living full life..? You can ask people from different dating sites like meetville.com/ or couchsurfing and then decided if you should do it or not.

[John_Bean]

you have nothing to worry about because I am sure you will find a good boyfriend, simply you have to wait a little bit

[Mikkey32]

If you wanna have a boyfriend and escape of diffidence then you have to try texting with all the people to get experience

[GoodDude]

There is nothing wrong that you're afraid of dating, because I was the same and probably all the people weren't born with self confidence, so you have to exercise dating and everything will be ok

[2Hot4U]

Yes, I have a tip for you. Try to try yourself on dating sites, try to communicate to people

[Seb345]

I understand where you are coming from. The first relationships are always the hardest. You get scared and upset and you are still earning how to trust each other so it's truly hard for you to open up, but hey honey not all relationships have that obsessive streak in them. You have to trust yourself and believe that you are not going to turn into a stalker or think about false hope if you don't want to. You are stronger then that. I was like that at first. I was a shy person and it was hard fro me to build a decent relationship so I was trying my hand at online dating since it was kind of anonymous so it gave a sense of security (I was using this app for it: datingappsadvice.com/black-... It worked out in the end I am happily engaged. So don't worry. You will be fine