Its such a shame we all have to suffer.

[jleebow]

It is the year 2020. Medical science is more advanced than ever in history.

Medication exsist right now that would help us live a quality of life that we deserve. Im not saying there is a magic drug that would do ot for us. However it would help us to do what we have to do to beat this or at the very least find a way to live with it.

Life is to precious and short to be paralyzed by panic, health anxiety, social anxiety and the ultimate severe depression that is going to follow.

I ve reached my ropes end with it after 30 yrs of torment and degrading life and just not living life.

Who would want to have a life like this?

[Marc787]

Hello jleebow, I understand how your feeling. I'm sorry for what your going through. For me my thoughts is the reality we are in shouldn't be like this. Medicine should be keeping people healthy, finding the root problems or cures, but it's in a direction only to mask the problems with negative side effects all for the sake of profit. Plants from the Earth should be our medicine. We are not meant to be constantly bombarded in this daily grind of work 40+ hours of work a week. Paying bills, increasing taxes which I hate that word ( bills, tax, work, stress). Constant spending for material items to complete us. Eventually our minds and bodies will crack and with all that material things people are still not happy. I like to keep things simple, less spending, focus on what I can control. Please hang in there. Try to find things you enjoy even if it's little things.

[jleebow in reply to Marc787]

Im Jerry and thank you for your reply. I have been dealing with anxiety my entire life. At age 14 i lost my right leg in a farming accident. Back then eveyone worked, had to, on the farm where im from. Never been afraid of work and done so my entire life.

I became addicted to morphine as a result of the accident. I was out in hot june temps for 7 hrs plus before anyone found me. Docs said it wasn't my time to go because i did bleed out. Then 35 yrs later i found out i had cirrhosis, which was secondary to some of the many blood transfusions I recieved which contained the hep c virus and being undiagnosed with it, because they didn't know about nor screened for the virus, i walked around with the virus for 35 yrs. When it was found it had wreaked my liver. Kinda got killed that day anyway.

Have dealt with the addiction with the help of aa/na and in September will have 3 yrs clean (again)

Worked my way up from a heavy equipment operator to project Superintendent until i just got to sick to work.

Now riddled with panic attacts and depression and being sick with cirrhosis i am here looking for help.

Dont know why i just wrote all that rambling but thanks for reading.

[Agora1 in reply to jleebow]

jleebow, I admire you for sharing your heartfelt journey with us.

There are times in all of our lives, that we need to reach out to others

who understand and care. I agree that you have had a lot of suffering

in your life but the fact that you are here with us means there is a reason

that you are here.

I would like to congratulate you in being addiction free for 3 years. That's okay

if it's (again). The fact is you are doing it. Your post will attract the attention

of many others on this site who also have gone through immense physical

suffering that led to them being here for chronic anxiety.

You see Jerry, we are never really all alone in what we feel emotionally. It's nice

to know that there are people on this forum who care about others as they battle

their own demons in life. I'm so glad you are here with us. You were not rambling

but just relaying your own journey. And I thank you for that xx

[jleebow in reply to Agora1]

Thank you so much for yout kind words.

I honestly appreciate it. Any words of encouragement right now means alot.

On top of all my personal disarray, I am trying to care for my 84 yr.old mother. She was suddenly stricken with a disorder that affects her blood pressure and heart rates .

Extreme elevations then extreme falls in bp and heart rate. Many meds to keep straight and administer to her. She cant mentally handle it and gets confused about what she has or hasn't taken

Plus my poor dog has developed a seizure disorder. Having to give him meds to treat it. He is up to 3 different ones and still only minor relief.

If getting drunk or shooting my veins full of dope would help i would do it. But that quit working for me yrs. Ago. I only get the negative results from it now.

And i ramble on.

Thanks again!

[Agora1 in reply to jleebow]

jleebow, we are only a message away whenever you

need to ramble. x We're listening xx

[jonghee]

Hang in there jleebow. I'm currently fighting depression due to medication withdrawal that is my doctor's fault. The thoughts of life being such a hassle and burden constantly eat away at me. Having recently found this community has helped a great deal, but I still have days, moments, thoughts of ending it all. Maybe it's not the best reason to keep myself alive, but I always remind myself of fact that there are fates worse than death, and a failed suicide attempt can result in just that. I went through a period of an entire year feeling suicidal and researching any and every way to do it. The more I wanted to go through with it, the more I became scared and realized that the odds were against me succeeding. It would take luck for an attempt to be successful, and being a depressed person, I don't believe in luck, at least not for me. It may be an overly analytical and not the best reasoning to keep living, but if it sucks now, think how much worse it would suck still having the same problems and not even being physically able to do anything about it, let alone mentally.

As you mentioned, the medications for a life worth living exist. Try them. Give them a shot. Something will work. Demand it. Your doctor works for you. Tell him/her, write it down on paper and mail it or hand deliver it to them if you have to. Whatever you need to do to get your point across and get the treatment you need. We are all here for you.