We have become doctor's by circumstance.

[Mike1313]

As a suffer of anxiety and my constant battle with pvc's pac's and nsvt. I myself started studying medical scripture from the time I was 14 years of age. I started to read about the heart and brain and the central nervous system the more my symptoms become apparent. The more I started to study" why " is this happening to me? ". Could it be cancer " could it be hiv? Could it be my heart? Could it be I have a brain tumor? All these thing played in the mind of a 14 year old boy when most were playing outside swimming biking enjoying sports funding a girlfriend. I was at my library?? At the age of 16 I had a blood pressure of 200/110 a heart rate of 115 beats per min hardly ever coming down past 90 beats per min?? And how did I know this you might ask?? Well I would check my pulse all the time you know how to do that don't you? Put your fingers on your carotid artery or on your wrist with a good watch monitor your pulse to 15 seconds then times that by 4 and you shall get your results. For Christmas instead if asking for a bike I asked for a blood pressure machine and constantly checked my blood pressure. I was hooked anxiety had started to take control of my life!!!! For every symptom I had it was cancer, heart attack, stroke, and the list went on and on to the point were I became Agraphobic and paralyzed with fear of everything that involved my Heath in essence I became somewhat as smart as a doctor " so I thought" I knew to much I had flooded my brain with so much medical knowledge that there was not much room for anything else? " it's a pretty darn shame when you go to the doctor and you diagnose yourself before he does and your right!!! My doctor once told me " why the hell do you come to me when your sick when you already know what you have?? ( i.e ) the common cold or flu or strep throat only?? Then as I got older my anxiety left just as fast as it started at a young age I enjoyed life finally for about 13 years then the big one happened!!! Woke up one night with shortness of breath chest pain dizziness sweating so bad that it took a towel to dry my body!! The first thing I did which I had not done in 13 years was to reach for my pulse in my neck going by the clock on my alarm radio it was 184 beats per minute laying flat on my back!! " I knew it!!! It was a heart attack!! I was having a heart attack!!! Do my wife at the time got up and drove me to the hospital I remember walking bro the hospital I had every doctor under the sun lookin at me wondering what it was I was going threw?? " was it drug's " did he take too much cough syrup" what could cause a 28 year old man to have such a breakdown when his ekg is completely normal!!!! That's right it was back!!! This time full force no holds bar!!! My anxiety returned this time with a vengeance!!! Now here I go again?? So after driving 3 wife's away and 3 divorces later with the loss of 4 cars 2 houses one pool below ground one at that?? Here I am on a forum telling my story!!! This is a short story buy the way!! You don't won't the long version of my military experience's or the death I have witnessed. This is just an excerpt of my life?? And I like all of you continue to struggle but there is " hope" and together with advances in medicine everyday we may one day be at peace. Doctors need to understand more about anxiety and the causes it has on the human body the hormones that are released during a panic attack once the body becomes adjusted to large amounts of adrenaline it get used to it!!! It has to have more of it?? In term's we have become unwillingly " adrenaline junkies" our body's have handled so much stress for so many years that it don't know how to react to tranquility and when we are tranquil we can't understand what is happening we think it's something serious. The problem is we have became doctors by choice because the medical community can't come to grip's with what we as anxiety patients go through until it happens to them?? I think more training is required and a class needs to be taken during there training to help people to understand once clear of there medical problem's what they are going through. I think more scientific research needs to be done about what we go threw?? Until then we are our own " doctor's " trying to live in a world that does not understand us we are survivors in a countless number of savage raids on our human body's!! " we are self made doctors " Google is our answer book forums are were we live and hospital emergency rooms have our names embroidered on the top's of the door's. So this is my short " very short story of my anxiety " my hell on earth........ For now!! 

[steadfast66]

 You can always start over. A good therapist can help.  Don't live in the past. We have all made mistakes and will continue to make them. We ask forgiveness and forgive ourselves and move on.  By the way hell is the worst thing that can happen to you...you're not there yet. May God bless you.

[Agora1]

Bravo Mike,   it is one of the reasons I became a paramedic.  The medical field

was something I was interested in from early teens.  I remember my mother

wanting me to be a secretary as she was and was disappointed when I choose

nurse's aide at 17.  I loved working in hospitals and doctor's offices.  I gained

more of my knowledge from those experiences.  I put my energy into helping

others.   I may be agoraphobic (working on that now) as well as anxious but

still have the need to help.  Like you Mike, I have always been good at

diagnosing what my family had.  I guess that's why I don't worry about missing

something serious that may not be anxiety.  We are both well trained by choice

or by chance.  By the way, I have A-Fib, was in hospital for something else  and

called the nurse in and told her I was in A-Fib.  Once again right.   Nice hearing

your story.  I'm not alone.   Take care.

[Mike1313 in reply to Agora1]

That's right your not alone!!! Awesome that you are pursuing your dreams. Keep up the good fight with all thy might!!!!🙂

[kalahari]

Hi Mike. I agree with your views 100%. I have struggled through life, attempting to achieve something worthwhile, while everything seemed to threaten me - that is another thing about anxiety: one feels threatened, as if something bad is going to happen to you at any moment. Even during holiday, your mind "seeks" reason to be anxious. And doctors do not succeed to really penetrate to the deepest of one's fears and anxiety - even some psychiatrists don't seem to fully grip the situation.

But if you DO find a good psychiatrist, everything changes, and soon you are able to - for the first time - enjoy little moments which life offers. I'm on medication, will have to be for the rest of my life, but at least now I HAVE a life.

I wish and pray you all the best and that you will find someone who really can fathom the depths of the dark tunnel of anxiety or Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD).

Kind regards.

[Mike1313]

I too am on anxiety medication for the rest of my life klonopin 0.5 mgs twice daily or 2 mgs if I go into a hypertension attack. I myself since. Child have alway's admired the little things in life from the largest of plants and animals to the smallest of ant's and crustaceans. I enjoy life to its fullest now and my goal is to help those that have this severe disorder or disease. I find metal detecting very enjoyable and can a battleline surveyor for some of the greatest battlefields in our country my artifacts have and are displayed in museums. I give freely my information to help those that are in dire need if at all possible and thank you for your compassion my friend. 

Best regards Mike1313