My anxiety experience from the beginning

[Danzdanz123]

All my life I’ve had anxious moments usually in bouts with panic attacks but I still managed to get on with life having fun I remember one of the first horrible outbursts was in high school I could never walk up stairs without having a panic attack this was all triggered by a phobia of being sick! I was so scared of it but it didn’t ruin my life because I knew it I was sick I would eventually get better. After high school and entering college I had the best time It was so fun had my normal anxiety and I could bare almost to the point where I forgot I had it I would hardly ever have panic attacks. From college entering uni I was quite nervous and anxious because it was so far away from home eventhough, I wanted to get out of my hometown so badly but eventually I finally got over the move anxiety and made slot of friends and had so much fun whilst being very stressed with uni deadlines but I got over it and still carried on. In my second and third years of uni I lived with my friends it was so much fun any anxiety I got it wouldn’t last long. I rmeber getting ill and having really bad panic attacks and had to go home for a week to recover and I finally over came that and had the best summer of my life. In third year it wasnt as great because I was more focused on uni but I still had fun, but if I recall this is when my anxiety started to become more physical one night after drinking I woke up and I felt like I was having a heart attack I hugged my friend and she made me feel so much better this started happening Everytime I had a hangover, which never happened before and then eventually for some strange reason Everytime I had a sugary drink the same effect would happen to me to the point where I stopped drinking it I even went to the doctors and she looked at me strangely. From this point I felt like things started to go down hill abit I still had a good time when uni was over in may and my granduation wasn’t until October I felt good I wasn’t stressed or worried about my future I took a promotion at m current job with the idea that in a few months I would go and travel or move somewhere else. Once I took this job which was supervisor role and the majority of my friends lived back home I began to feel very stressed to the point of my work friend sat me down and told me I need to chill out because it’s going to make me ill. I was so scared of being judged on the job I was doing I would constantly be checking over thing making sure everything was done knowing my boss would bitch behind people’s backs if they hadn’t done something properly. I lived a long walk from my work and wanted to move closer so I could save some money so I kept looking for somewhere that was closer. During this point I remember I would go into work and think why am I doing this what is the purpose of my life now am I literally just earning money in a job to pay my rent I felt so down. eventually an advertisement came up for house two streets away from my job and I was excited however it turned out to be toogood to be true, as the guy left me homeless from not turning up and being very odd to the point where I thought I was going to be killed a few days before I was made homeless I had a thought in my head that it was my time and I was going to get killed by this man and I think because it didn’t turn out very in my mind I believed that I was right and that I should have been hurt by this man. May I also mention I had graduation this week and also having a full week of work. It just through me off the edge every moment of the day I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and just die i felt like this all through graduation having really bad odd body sensations and had already paid to go away the weekend after graduation as well with my friends which I had the worst time just constantly worried that I was going to die and thinking of the outcome it would leave. I had to tell my boss because I felt like i couldn’t work so she gave me a week off and helped me when I came back to work I was still homeless staying at my work friends place at this point also. I kept trying and trying but I just felt worse and worse and because home had always been comfort zone for me I had my mind set on going home to recover but it got to the point where I felt like my luck was that bad that I wouldn’t make it home to see my family this made it worse for me to the point I had to walk out on shift and it made me look selfish my boss turned on me and made me feel like the worst person in world and she eventually sacked me and I paid over 200 in a taxi the same night to get me home because I really did believe I wasn’t going to make it home. I really thought that all this would go away once I got home too, but it didn’t I felt worse I went to the doctors for a check up and they told me I had high cholesterol and that confirmed in my head I’m right about everything.I’ve been out of job now since December still trying to get better, but I actually don’t like my hometown Infact I hate it! It doesn’t even feel familiar to me I have also developed agrophibia so the fact that i hate where I am doesn’t influence me to go out apart from the garden where I can pretend to be somewhere else all of this makes me feel SSelfish because I can’t even really help my family. I feel like I have slowly progressed but I feel like I’m stuck in this same loop of a depression anxiety and a phobia of not only getting sick but death as well. It’s very strange the first 4 days of being in lockdown I felt my normal self the only worried I had was protecting my self from the virus I felt alive and myself again I didn’t feel depressed I didn’t question life and I didn’t feel so consumed by my anxiety but I feel now I have got used to this situation and the anxiety and depression is slowly creeping back. The only thing that takes my mind away from this all is my friends who all live far away from me they make me feel better and healthy again, but I even question this too why don’t my family make me feel better? Sorry for the very long long story I just hope one day we all manage to cope and get on with our life’s achieving feeling free being able to breath with being so consumed by everything.

I hope you are all managing with this pandemic!

Thank you

[Charlpalp]

I have really bad health aniexty so this Coronavirus has topped me over the edge! I’ve been struggling this last week I have hardly slept I’m laid wide awake for hours my palpitations are back 😩 and my head is banging all the time I worry constantly today I had a break down just struggling hope your finding it better than me! Message me if you ever want to chat

[Lotus4 in reply to Charlpalp]

I feeling the same way my allergies are bothering me head feels awful this started about 4days ago first thing I thought of was the Coronavirus my daughter had to go to store this is all scaring me I’m a nervous wreck!

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Lotus4]

As you said it’s allergies! I understand your frustration I think my allergies are flaring up too! And I keep thinking oh no I have it and it sucks! The best thing to do is keep drinking hot drinks xx

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Charlpalp]

that sounds like it’s troubling you massively I can relate one second I’ll be distracted and the next I’m focused on it I will not go outside my house and I won’t go to the shops neither! Also I’ve been having a lot of heart palpitations too!! You need to find a distraction! Start it off by a warm shower or bath with some relaxing music and go from there try reading a book or watching a movie or trying to exercise! It’s easier said than done I know. You should also try and contact your doctor!