Greetings!

[mal89]

Hello All!

I just joined. My name is Mal89 and I have Mood Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety. I had a major breakdown in January and I had one earlier today. My meltdown is when I start to think about what’s wrong with my life and why am I in this situation. Initially, I would breakdown and cry. If I think about it too much, I start to hyperventilate. At nights, when I think about something too much, I can’t and don’t sleep at all. I have to take meds for me to fall asleep. It’s like there’s a switch that I could not turn off.

A little bit about me. I was raised in a toxic environment. My dad passed away when I was 14 and from onwards, it didn’t get any better. My mom is a narcissist and a toxic person. I couldn’t stay no to her and if I did, she’ll try to guilt trip me until I give in. I didn’t realize she was a toxic parent until I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband). She would say things “if your relationship doesn’t work out, you can move back in with me.” Or, “no one is going to love you more then me.”

To this day, she refused to get an actual job, her business isn’t profitable and she’s too prideful. I only see her a couple times a week because I don’t drive and I depend on her to take me to work sometimes when my husband can’t. She borrowed from me in the past and for years, I have been paying her phone bill. Sometimes, she doesn’t have any money and she asked to borrow money from me every few months. I mean, I don’t give her any money for gas but still. She would subtly say things like, “my car needs an oil change. I don’t have money, can you help me?” Or, “can I borrow your credit card ?”

Growing up in an Asian household, I was taught that your parents are the ones who gives life to you, care for you until you’re an adult and we have to somehow pay that back by caring for your parents. I was mostly raised by my grandma and aunt in law.

Lastly, not only I have anxiety, I also have a shopping addiction. Anytime I feel down, sad, depressed, I would spend hundreds of dollars online shopping. I think, subconsciously, since I give my mom money, I am going to spend it on myself, since it’s my money.

Any advice? Please let know know.

[steadfast66]

Sounds like you allow yourself to be put in bondage to your Mom and your shopping addiction. This helped me "Letting go of what you think people's judgements of you are, will take a lot of pressures of trying to please people off your shoulders." Also, helping your Mom is okay but have you told her she needs to work. Why don't you take driving lessons? If you can afford to shop a lot, why not take a taxi to work when your husband can't take you? This would make you less dependent on your mother. Think about those things that are right in your life. Know that you can not solve other people's problem and there are some things you can do nothing about so stop worrying about them by replacing the thoughts in your head with better ones. Think about the things that are going well in your life.