Just Venting

Hey there everyone. I pray you all are doing well this morning. I'm actually calm this morning which is very rare. The past month of August I kept breaking down and kept crying like a real bad meltdown. Towards the end of the month I felt better and going into September I'm calm like stable at the moment. Because I was diagnosed with severe social anxiety years ago. Me and my brother have been planning to buy a house together and move out from my mom's house. I think she will be moving out to live with her boyfriend. My mom and my brother have been so supportive of me over the years and understanding my issues I've been dealing with. I can't live on my own because I can't even leave the house,I rarely do. And a job? I wouldn't show up on my first day. So I've been unemployed,which is embarrassing to share. But I'm just being honest to tell my life story. But my brother is willing to take me in and wants to. He is my best friend. My mother says I can still live with her,but I know I can't my brother needs me. My brother is independent and he worries about me,like what will I do after mom is gone? My mother is healthy right now, Thank you God. But I'm 28 and I worry about losing my mom one day. So I have to think about my future. And since I can't be independent and take care of myself my brother said he would take me in and help. I'm super grateful to God and my brother for that. I love my mom and my brother alot. I have two older sisters that have been out of the house for years. But they don't care about me,my brother and our own mother. My sisters aren't evil,but they are really selfish,distant and down right don't care. My father,wow idk what to say about this one. This next part maybe a trigger for some people. So warning. My father used to beat my mother. He was a women beater. She was bleeding alot and had broken ribs. She had the willpower to finally say enough is enough, and divorced him,when I was 4 and my brother was 2 I think. My mother told us the story when we were old enough. But she always said that whatever happened between my mom and dad that she didn't want us to turn against him because she would tell us to. She wanted us to make that decision ourselves if me and my brother wanted a bond with him still. She is strong and support whatever decision we chose. When we were young dad would visit us on the weekends all the time,this of course after the divorce. I know my mother still has physical scars and of course mental scars. But she stayed strong and still is. My sisters and I and my brother have different dads. Dad would bring us everywhere,he never harmed us or anything. He took us to the park,toys r us,movie theaters,malls,burger king,McDonald's, and even to new York city to see the Christmas tree light show above the skating rank,me and my brother got sick after that with a cold but worth it. But as we got older and moved a town over. He slowly stopped visiting. In 2006 we reached out to him,he came and visit us for a month or two. Then stopped again. Then in 2010 we reached out again around I think the fifa world Cup,which he loved soccer. He came by again for a few months and stopped. We haven't seen him since 2010. 9 years ago. It's OK me and my brother are fine now, my mother always said she's sorry, she tried to be a mommy and a daddy. And we said mom you did the best damn job you did and don't have regrets. My father failed us, but not you mom,you saved us. So it's kinda hard moving away from her but me and my brother have to spread our wings. But I'll always, I mean all the time keep in touch with her and visit. And there are so many other things she has been through and my brother himself has been through in his young life. And me well I believe in God just like mom teached me and my brother to and I'm thankful for that to. I pray alot to God and thank him. My dad failed us,my sisters failed us and I don't even know the rest of my uncles,aunts,cousins or whatever other family members from my mom and dad sides. I have most importantly God,my mom and my brother and whenever he is staying out of trouble and takes the time to visit my nephew. I know people around the world struggle with worse and I really do pray them. I just felt like getting my thoughts and feelings and life story out. I'm not seeking attention or to make you feel bad for me. I'm just like I said venting. Sorry if this was really long. But anyway anyone who read up to this point, thank you I wish the best with whatever challenges you face and God bless.

[Agora1]

FaithWarrior, thank you so much for your candid and heartwarming story of your journey. You sound like a wonderful young man who has a caring and loving mother

and brother. I wish you well with your move to a new house. May it be the start of

new beginnings for you. Thank you for sharing. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for taking the time to read it and comment. Yeah I'm blessed for having my mom and my brother. I appreciate the kind words! ☺

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I hope you're feeling better. Please talk to me

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You know this is hard for me. It really is and I understand how you feel. I'm not trying to be mean I really am not. But the thing that you agree with isn't just some political view difference. It's something that I can't accept and ignore because it's wrong. I really do wish you the best and I actually prayed for you. I don't even know what to say. Because I care to much but at the same time the stuff you told me. I'm getting anxious now. I don't know what to do anymore. God Bless you seriously.