Yesterday was soooo bad. Panic attacks, face pressure, then a wave of depression after my workout...? I have never been depressed so this was.. shocking. And the reason I got off Zoloft.
So today, I was very anxious. Nightmares about my boyfriend’s roommate. I took a sick day just to take it easy and pack. Took a Lorezepam and it didn’t do much, which was shocking. So that’s how I know Zoloft is really still there. It just made me feel fuzzy. I spent the day looking up psychosis and it freaked me out. I know I don’t have it but I’m so ready to get awaaaaay from feeling weird from Zoloft.
On my way to Boston! My boyfriend texted me saying he’s going to talk to his roommate about her behavior towards me. Thaaaat gives me anxiety. Then my sister flipped out at me because she lent me money and I haven’t been paid yet and I’m waiting on my sick leave’s back pay. Me and my bf are going to Boston Calling and I got tix almost 6 months ago. So she gave me anxiety. She told me to get a “second job” (I have 3) maybe if “you stop talking about it your health shit it’ll go away”. I told her I’ve been open with her about my finances and her saying this in the group chat was so embarrassing and rude, and she never paid me back for money I leant her and I didn’t act like this. She got so nasty so I asked her to look up agoraphobia. She got mad my boyfriend booked me a trip to NC to go mining for crystals as a surprise and I was like “I didn’t pay for that!!” My god. So that was more anxiety.
It just hurts because when any of the other siblings go through something, everyone is there for them. If ONLY I could just stop thinking about anxiety! She keeps telling me to “go to the gym”. Ok. I’m proud when I can leave my house. Idk, I find that when you’re most anxious, or sad, you find out who is really there. I still love my sister but I had to block her number because she started swearing at me. She was probably drinking again. Ugh