Hello, i'm back posting here because i've been suffering from this type of anxiety for months now.It all started when i couldn't pursue my masters degree and had to just find a job with my bachelor. I had exactly two jobs and the last one was completely terrible. I keep having this guilt that i don't know if it's real or not.I keep feeling like my mom is disappointed in me that i still haven't found a job. Whenever she is silent, i start having these thoughts that she is angry at me and wants me to find a job already. I feel this way because my siblings never had been through this kind of struggle like i have. They all finished their education, got jobs, got married and moved on. There's only me who struggles in almost everything.
I have cried till my eyes were bloated from this subject. And the nightmare never ends! I keep going through the same cycle of reapplying for jobs, of going to interviews, of mostly not getting a call back. And it just breaks me apart that i can't seem to find a job and be done with it. And i know it hasn't been long since i started applying for jobs, but this anxiety is killing me. I considered suicide so many times and i prayed i wouldn't wake up for another day. I can't enjoy anything without thinking all the time that i have to get a job. I'm so fixated at it that i can't seem to rest.
I could use some hope from anyone who been through this and managed to move past it.