Anxiety: Hello, i'm back posting here... - Anxiety Support

Anxiety Support
45,034 members45,947 posts

Anxiety

sisterneedshelp24
sisterneedshelp24

Hello, i'm back posting here because i've been suffering from this type of anxiety for months now.It all started when i couldn't pursue my masters degree and had to just find a job with my bachelor. I had exactly two jobs and the last one was completely terrible. I keep having this guilt that i don't know if it's real or not.I keep feeling like my mom is disappointed in me that i still haven't found a job. Whenever she is silent, i start having these thoughts that she is angry at me and wants me to find a job already. I feel this way because my siblings never had been through this kind of struggle like i have. They all finished their education, got jobs, got married and moved on. There's only me who struggles in almost everything.

I have cried till my eyes were bloated from this subject. And the nightmare never ends! I keep going through the same cycle of reapplying for jobs, of going to interviews, of mostly not getting a call back. And it just breaks me apart that i can't seem to find a job and be done with it. And i know it hasn't been long since i started applying for jobs, but this anxiety is killing me. I considered suicide so many times and i prayed i wouldn't wake up for another day. I can't enjoy anything without thinking all the time that i have to get a job. I'm so fixated at it that i can't seem to rest.

I could use some hope from anyone who been through this and managed to move past it.

9 Replies
oldestnewest

Have you worked with a therapist for your anxiety, if not, it would be very beneficial. Just talking with a therapist can help relieve your anxiety and help you understand your thinking and beliefs and what to do about them. Get help, don't be afraid, you'll be glad you did.

I agree with designguy that a therapist could help. To me it sounds like you are kind of judging yourself because of your siblings but just know that everyone is different and anxiety can make so many things harder and much more difficult.

Hi sisterneedshelp,

I'm very sorry you're struggling so much and miserable. I know what it's like to have a lot of anxiety and to fixate on your current problems. I don't have this anymore, it just pretty much went away. But for about 28 years I did take medication to control my anxiety (GAD & OCD). You are having a lot of trouble with OCD when you fixate and cry so hard and think so very much about 1 thing: disappointing your mom about your education/job. OCD is anxiety directed somewhere specific but not significantly useful to your health.

Are you seeing a doctor about these problems? Any medications taken? I hope so, but you'd still need to have this looked at more closely since your OCD isn't under proper control. It's fairly easy to treat so i suspect you aren't treated by a doctor. Please consider it.

Hugs, Love, and Blessings...

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to BonnieSue

Thank you so much BonnieSue for this response. I have OCD, as well as anxiety but wasn't aware that OCD plays a part in it. Your comment about fixation on one thing really got my attention!

Hope you feel better soon sisterneedshelp24!

Thank you BonnieSue for your advice! It meant alot to me. I will get the proper help since it's getting worse... It also give me hope knowing that someone else been through this and was able to move passed it!

Honey, suicide is not the answer. Think of those who you leave behind. I know death from other causes is horrible. Death by suicide is the most devasting to others we love. I have been a severe Anorexic since 14. I am 56 now. I have suffered so many years with this mental illness. I sought treatment 6 six years ago for my first time. I have recovered. I will say Anorexics have a monster voice within. Those voices control every aspect of your life. A lifetime of that illness is not easy to beat. I did though. Learning to live without it is not easy. I have recovered only recently so I am trying very hard to live without it. There are times the voices seem to want to take over again. I can not listen or I will be gone. I know those old voices way too well. I fight daily not to slip back into that life. I have come a long way with recovering. I will not go back. I have told Anorexia to take a hike and never return. Some days I struggle worse. I will be fine. I want you to be strong and reach out to us and doctors if need to. My life has been a roller coaster ride from birth. I have survived childhood rape and Anorexia. I became ill to Anorexia to control my world. I starved, to control the rapes. The violence that my father put my whole family through. I suffer from PTSD from the abuse. I take Sertraline daily to deal with that. I want you to be strong. Do what you want to in life. We get only one chance at life. You do what you want and don't worry about what others think. LIVE FOR YOU! THIS IS WORDS STRAIGHT FROM MY MENTAL DOCTOR. One reason I post about my Anorexic voices is to reassure those old voices that it will never take me again. I have never been suicidal. I went through a one year- long divorce recently. It was terrible. I lost my teenage son to it. He took fathers side. One day I got tired of fighting the battle with Anorexia. This divorce made me relive every moment of my childhood rape. I made it through. My mother who is 82, is the one who would suffer the most if I had taken my life that day. That one day, I was looking for a way to end my life. I did not attempt anything. The thoughts were right there. I was having a mild nervous breakdown. I shook and cried non-stop for 2 hours. I was in pain both physically and mentally. I made it through. My 82- year- old mother was a victim to that VIOLENT man, my father. She is a survivor of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. She is doing well. I have a thirty-two-year-old son. He is sitting in a Federal prison 6 years now for bank robbery. Please don't judge me by him. I love him so much. I would never steal one cent from anyone. He made his own choice. He has gone insane in there. I do not know if he will ever see life outside of those prison gates again. I am about to cry. It breaks my heart. The holidays are a little tough. I remember before his incarceration. The happy times. I was told last year by my mother. All these 18 years that my brother who died at 44 was murdered by my violent father. I am still wrapping my head around that. My father died 5 years later. I remember my brother when he went through a horrible divorce. He had a severe nervous breakdown. He was 30 years old. He went into a mental ward and was left like a child. Then murdered by my dad. FUCKED UP! Sorry about those words. I knew during my divorce, I could not let that happen to me. I knew what suicide would do to my mother. She had suffered so much with the abusive husband. It would have destroyed her. I had to be strong. I was recovering from Anorexia and all that crap. I made it and so will you. One thing I never want from others is some pity. I share my life with all of you to help. HELPING IS MY THING. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND SUFFERED ALL THOSE YEARS DYING WITH ANOREXIA. I KNOW HAVE ALL OF YOU TO HELP ME STAY STRONG DURING THE BAD DAYS. I LOVE EACH ONE OF YOU AND WANT TO HELP. Now, that old voice of Anorexia says you will not be drinking that DR. Pepper today. I say take a hike and don't return. I like that soda and it sure has my name on it. That voice I listened to for 40 plus years. I will never listen to it again. I am now in control, not the Anorexia. LOVE YOU. YOU CAN DO IT.

I'm so sad, so sorry for the trauma you've been through. I'm also incredibly happy for what you've accomplished and continue to win over. I admire your grit and determination in the face of huge odds. You are a winner, for sure!!

Hugs, Love, and Blessings...

My favorite quote is: " the hardest thing in this world is to live in it, be brave, live" and you just gave meaning to this quote. I'm happy you fought that monster and you keep on fighting it!

I'm so sorry that you are struggling so much. The suggestion of therapy is a great one and I encourage you to consider that. I pray that you will find peace as well as a job soon. What type of job are you looking for? Do you think your anxiety is preventing you from finding a job? If you cant afford therapy or counseling, there may be a church in your area that provides free counseling.

You may also like...