Future

[Valorrian]

Ever since I lost my hearing a few years ago I get really anxious and have panic attacks when I have to go outside of my house. I'm working with a therapist. I am improving a little bit. It seems like I take one step forward but two backwards. Recently, I have been thinking about my future. What am I going to do with myself? Will I look for a job or go to college? These thoughts bring on anxiety and panic attacks. I need to move forward in my life but I'm afraid.

[LadyO4]

It looks to me like you have already begun to take steps in the right direction and you should be proud of yourself. Taking risks is never easy, but now that you have sought out the help of someone you can trust, you can measure your progress, even if comes in little increments.

I don't have an Apple i-phone, but there is an app on it called "FaceTime" where you can see the face of someone you are connected to. Would you ever consider getting this convenience, so when you do leave the house, you have the face of someone you love up on the screen to communicate with, and not feel so alone? After this becomes a routine, you will gradually begin to feel more secure.

Instead of planning too far ahead right now, take just today and manage today. Tomorrow will come, and there is no reason to put unnecessary pressure on yourself. You are on a journey that will take time, so please give yourself permission to take as much time as you need.

If you are concerned about your education, there is always the option of signing up to take classes online to keep your brain stimulated, or, you can get books out of the library, or find your own areas of interest and study those topics.

One day at a time dear friend.

[Valorrian in reply to LadyO4]

Thanks for answering. It's not that I feel lonely when I go out. I don't mind be alone. I actually like it. My problem is more that I get anxious and start to panic when I think that I will have to communicate with hearing people and that I will have to identify myself as deaf. That is what makes me anxious. I'm scared that I will come across as ignorant, or they might think I am ignoring them because I didn't hear them and am rude.

I read all the time and do research on the internet. All that is good but it doesn't earn me money. I need to find something that will earn me money later in life. I need a career of some sort. That is what I am looking for. I am 20. At 20 most people are either in college or working at something. I need to go to college or work. I need something and that is what worries me. I don't have clue what I am able to do. I thought for the longest time I'd go to college to become a lawyer but I don't want to anymore. I don't think that is realistic for me now. It is challenging and I feel like I am limited in so many ways now as to my choices.

[bw1333]

We r here for U when U need us

[Valorrian in reply to bw1333]

Thanks.

[SirGrits]

Hey Valorrian, from your job vs college debate I'm guessing you're pretty young. Let me share with you the surprising advice I got from my Dad when I graduated High School. Regardless of your age, I'll think it will help. He told me "Son, I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up..." Having him tell me that was weirdly liberating and gave me the courage to follow my heart and not always going for the smartest thing. As a Christian, my Lord has kept me moving forward and protecting me from myself. Whether you're a believer or not, God tends to give us what we're seeking. As you grow your relationship with Him, He brings you to where you need to be. I say all that to say, don't worry about overthinking your future. You'll handle things as they come.

As you your short term anxiety and panic, I encourage you to really commit to your therapy. My guess is that fully coping with your hearing impairment could take a while. You are in my prayers.