I feel like I am losing control

[plushiesaremyjam]

I feel like I am losing control of my life. My anxiety is super bad right now and honestly I don't want to do anything I said I would do. I have rehearsal tonight (I run lightboard at my local theatre and tomorrow is opening night) but the lighting director hasnt let me run board on my own at all. He has run all of the rehearsals himself with me just watching, I would really like to run it tonight and hopefully thats the plan but....Its just really stressful for me.

My relationship is fine but I have a lot of guilt because I broke up with my boyfriend after 4 years and a few months, dated another guy then we broke up and now im back with my previous boyfriend. I feel so guilty for leaving him and it was so incredibly dumb and I feel like I don't deserve someone as amazing as him. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from leaving him. He treats me like a princess, sometimes it gets rough cause of his family but he is trying his best.

My brother is cheating on his wife (which has lead to them getting a divorce) and he is gonna come home in October to come see my mom and I and redo his trip he took here in july to make everything better between us and his new girlfriend. I cant tell my mom cause i wasnt even supposed to know about this trip but his girlfriend posted about it on social media which I saw. So now I am the carrier of the big family secret once again cause of my brother

I'm on my period and I just wanna curl up in a little ball and cry for a hot minute cause its all super stressful. It feels like the weight of the world is ontop of me and I feel like its the end of the world, I know its not but it feels like it is.

I know this is just my anxiety talking but I feel like I am going to snap at any moment and I will have to go into a mental institution for my anxiety (which is pretty much my biggest worry in life) and I will become a crazy person.

I feel like I am losing it

[Delzek]

Wish I knew what to say! I can say that you should not have to carry secrets for your Brother and his new Girlfriend! It's wrong that they would expect you to! I am sure it would be better to perhaps whilst with your Mother make an excuse say like "I'm sure you would like these photos I have on my computer" then leave your Mum to look at any photos you have on their but make sure it's on the page where your Brother's Girlfriend let's the cat out of the bag! That way you have not broken any confidences ! I hope your Break didn't swear you to secrecy because if someone did that to me and I felt it was wrong is it could hurt someone mentally or physically my conscience wouldn't allow me to do it anyway! I am sure your Mother would appreciate the heads up! All the best Dell

[slightlyjaded]

I hope you got to run the board tonight! That must be frustrating.

I think of your bf has forgiven you then stop beating yourself up about it. Maybe you needed that side step to really appreciate what you had.

Hopefully the situation with your brother works out. If it was me I’d give my mom the heads up.

I think you need to give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself. A lot of emotional and stressful things are around you on top of having anxiety issues.

This is a great place to vent and share.