Kinda seeking reassurance .... anxiety and weird thoughts?

[Jmerrick22]

I know I’ve been through this before, and I came out fine but oh my god this adjustment period for medicine is worse than the last time..

So anyone get crazy thoughts ? Last time I had myself so paranoid I took al the chemicals like cleaning ones and hid them and knives etc because I was like oh my god what if I snap and try using them as a weapon etc. I know I never would but still I don’t get why do we think like this? I read it’s stress hormones but still. God I hate this I just wanna feel somewhat normal again. I’m trying to keep busy but with moving and lack of money right now and my job not starting until next week, I’m trying to really keep occupied and around others. I love life and I just wanna get settled and established. So I really think that kenconstsntly thinking I’m gonna snap, or I’m crazy, or dying or gonna die etc is all the stress and anxiety. Then I’m terrified I’ll end up in the hospital etc. I used to have Ativan for when I get like this but ended up having a new dr and they don’t believe in benzos, even for panic attacks so it’s reslly testing me by doing this without anything. I slowly feel a difference like I’m not depressed but the anxiety’s still here slowly getting there though

[Mpa5524]

oh yes, the thoughts I had was so unlike me and I know I would never hurt a fly or myself but it was just soooooo scary to go through that I would avoid situations and places where in my head id say "omg what if i hurt someone" its crazy how the mind works, and the more I would fight the thoughts the worse they would become. So I just learned to let em come hang there for a second and let them go. Took alot of practice.

[Jmerrick22 in reply to Mpa5524]

I feel like I’m loosing it lol

[Mpa5524 in reply to Jmerrick22]

Thats how i would explain it to family, but not the dr I was afraid they were gonna put me away cause I knew this wasnt me..