Why won't it stop...

[Hateanxiety]

Well everyone today is my anniversary with my husband,wish I could say I'm enjoying it but I'm not. My eating is not good again,I'm sick of this but can't stop. I'm lost and don't know what else to do.... I feel like I will never be able to eat and live like I once did...

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you are going through such a bad time on such a special day. Hang In there, be strong and have faith. Try to enjoy your day and your husband as much as you can

[Hateanxiety in reply to Hidden]

Thank you swan01

[Jeff1943]

But you do know what to do, Hateanxiety. Don't wait for someone to come along and wave a magic wand and it's all better. That person ain't coming. There's no instant fix. Only the slog of fixing yourself yourself using what you know and what you've known a long time.

To recover you have to accept. Not just for a few hours but days, weeks, maybe longer. Who cares how long so long as you know you're going to recover.

So do the hard thing, Hateanxiety. Accept everything. Calmly and with patience and with the least fear you can.

I wish you and your husband happy anniversary and even happier ones in years to come.

[Hateanxiety in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you jeff1943, I'm trying my hardest. I know there is not fast fix but I've have the eating problem for 5 months,by the time I feel I'm getting better and the eating gets easier,its like it just falls apart and have to start over. Im so tired and so afraid that I will end up getting sick like the last time when I was younger and have to have a feeding tube. I'm trying so hard for my husband,my children as well as for myself. My babies have never seen me like this and to have them say "mom how can I help fix you" it hurts like hell.

[Trees2357 in reply to Hateanxiety]

I hear you. My kids are grown but last night my daughter said no one wants to be around me.

[Trees2357 in reply to Hateanxiety]

That hurts real bad when my kids don't want me. I cried all night Still crying

[Hateanxiety in reply to Trees2357]

Trees2357,children get angry and say things they don't mean. Heck,people in general say things they don't mean at times,I myself am guilty of saying things to my husband that I don't mean especially here lately. I tend to get so sad,angry,and upset over what I'm going through that I take it out on him because he is all I have. Then I get so upset with myself for taking it out on him because I've never been that kind of person. I've always been told that we hurt the people we love most,maybe your children are going through something and you are the only one around to take the hit.

[Hidden]

Hiya I'm so sorry to hear what you feeling, life is god dam cruel, we have to carry on, cos their is people that would miss you if you wasn't here. That is why people who do suicide are losers, take one day at a time, n think it will get better cos it can't get any worse. What do you do day to day, do you work ect .

What's a typical day?

It helps to talk ❤️

Amos down at

[Hateanxiety in reply to Hidden]

No pat140609,I don't work. I have 2 beautiful children that I homeschool and I'm a stay at home wife. I push myself for them,its like I tell my husband"being in labor and giving birth is a walk in the park compared to this". As for what my days consist of,well I wake up get breakfast ready,struggle to eat it,do school with the kids,make lunch and struggle again. Clean the house,play with my little girl,talk with my son and spend time with him. I will do the laundry and whatever else needs to be done .By then my husband gets off work,I cook dinner and sit with my husband trying to eat and tell my husband that I feel like I feel good in this part of my throat or that part,he tells me its not and I believe him but its all part of my fear. I will do the dishes,get the kids ready for bed,pray and cry. Then i try to go to sleep telling myself that tomorrow I will try harder,it will be easier and any day now I will have my life back like it was. The next day I wake with the same disappointment of fear.

[JeN-MariE in reply to Hateanxiety]

Hey sweetheart,

Reading your posts really got me as it felt like I had written it about my life 8 years ago. Anxiety and depression are so cruel and they don’t care that all we want is to be able to eat a slice of toast or push the hoover around without fretting about how much money we have or have I paid the gas bill. All things people without anxiety find sooooo easy but to us it’s crippling.

I’m new to this site but felt I needed to respond to this. If you want to talk more then private message me and I’m here. Typical 4am wide awake writing a million things down so my head doesn’t explode with stress!!

Go easy on your self and remember things WILL get better I’m speaking as someone who is now kicking anxiety’s ass!!

🤗🤗🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hateanxiety]

Hi,

So sorry to hear what you are dealing with, it is definitely anxiety, the trouble with your throat, my mum gets this from time to time, feels like catch her breathe, and trouble swallowing. Saw loads of doctors who say, nothing wrong physically, it's anxiety and it's a case of trying the right anxiety medicence, it's really difficult.

Wish you all the best for you and your lovely family.

[b1b1b1]

What is the exact problem with your eating? Do you suffer from anorexia? You may want to see a doctor or especially a gastroenterologist about this.

[Hateanxiety in reply to b1b1b1]

No b1b1b1 I'm not anorexic,I have a choking phobia. That means I when I eating I'm afraid I will choke ,I went through it when I was younger. When I was young I strangled on a piece of hamburger meat and being that young I thought I was choking cause I was coughing to much I couldn't catch my breathe but eventually did. Well I ended up getting to scared to eat after that,I got so sick from not eating,I was severely malnutritioned,had doctor tell me I needed a feeding tube but the woman I was living with said no because she knew I didn't want it. Instead I had someone I use to know come stay at my house for a few weeks and helped me learn to eat again without fear,I was fine after that all the way up until 5 months ago. Five months ago everything changed,I felt like I was dying one night and went to the hospital,they sent me to a doc where I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks. That was fine ,sucked but okay,a few days later and I sat to eat with my family ,I looked down at my plate and for some reason automatically thought,"I can't eat this because what if it chokes me". I have had my ups and downs since then. One moment it gets where I can eat somethings with no fear at all then bam back at the bottom,having to work myself back up.

[Anxious2befree]

It would help if you gave more information to your post. What is your eating problem?

[Hateanxiety in reply to Anxious2befree]

Anxious2befree I have a choking phobia. That means when I eat,I struggle with the fear that I will choke.