People pleaser

[Kelbro]

Does anyone’s anxiety make them a people pleaser .... I find this has happened to me since the anxiety has taken a really bad hold.... whereas I used to be able to be assertive I find myself stretching myself to thin and never saying no to people from fear of disappointing them coz I already feel so bad about myself but I’ve noticed this just makes my anxiety a million times worse as I put myself 7nder impossible demands which also if I don’t do them I feel completely wracked with guilt that I’m a bad person and I’ve let everyone down ☹️☹️☹️ Not nice!!!

[Blueshirt]

Me too. I’ve always suffered from it. You describe it perfectly. But I don’t understand it. I’ve tried saying no, but that doesn’t really help a lot. I feel it should be called Slave Syndrome. Is it cos we’re scared of being alone. Scared of being lonely. I hope you conquer it. And if you work out how to deal with it please let me know. Good luck. Kindest.

[Kelbro in reply to Blueshirt]

Well least I know it’s not just me....it’s exhausting I always say “next time I’m just telling/saying no” but lo and behold I find myself back to square one helping everyone doing everything even though I’ve got tons of my own stuff to deal with then I make myself down and depressed ggggrrrrr maybe we are just TOO nice!! Ha! Xx

[Blueshirt in reply to Kelbro]

I’m sure you are too nice. Too selfless. You must try putting yourself first more. Perhaps make a list of what you need to do for yourself, and want to do yourself, each day. Then only help others once you’ve helped yourself. I always think my stuff can wait. That there’s only a few things. And, that others deserve their things done first. So I end up too anxious about everything I should’ve done for me and which didn’t get done. Yep. You’re definately too nice. So please be kind to yourself and put yourself first from now on. xx

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

That’s me. Except mine is with my alcoholic husband. Will he be mad when he gets home? What if I say something wrong? Etc. I try to avoid him. My whole family is like that. I’m constantly explaining myself, making excuses or doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve learned to stay to myself so I don’t have confrontations. Although I’m trying to stick to a goal of saying yes more. I’m tired of missing out on things. It’s a fine line. You have to draw that line though. I recently said no twice to people and no other response. I’m wearing out. Guess what nothing bad happened. I was anxious. Waiting. Then nothing. Sometimes you have to “just say no”. Ask yourself will this benefit me or will it hurt the other person negatively. Sometimes it’s great to do nice things for people but only if it is practical for you to do so. Hope you learn to say no.

[Kelbro in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Yeah I guess it’s a case of putting yourself first at times and like you said the more you do it and nothing bad happens the easier it will get and the happier you’ll be 😃 xx