Hello everyone, I’m Rebecca.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We’ve had a good relationship thus far.
At the beginning of our relationship (2 months in) I had sex with two other guys. Back then I didn’t think it a big deal until it really started to bother me over a month ago. I guess it really started to bother me because I realized I loved him so much and couldn’t believe that I, his girlfriend, would do something like that to someone who has only shown me his love every day since we met. My conscience was killing me so I confessed to him what had happened. I confessed knowing that there was a great chance he would break up with me.
He was torn and we both cried and cried but agreed that it is something we both have to cope with. Roughly a month later, we were both hugging and dancing in the kitchen and exchanged “I love yous” when I first heard it. A hissing voice in my head said, “NO YOU DON’T”. Since then, the same voice has been echoing, driving me crazy. It’s making me question whether I really love him or not. Is this the man I still want to marry (he hasn’t proposed but we’ve both talked about getting married)? I still want him in my life. I want to wake up next to him. I’m also terrified that if I am in fact “out of love” I’ll realize too late I do love him & he’ll already be with someone else.
Every time I feel this way, I talk it out with him and am “brought back to reality”. And once I am “back to reality”, I have those feelings of love again.
I feel like I’m going crazy. Do you guys think it’s just a product of my anxiety? Because just a little over a month ago I was crying because I was ashamed of what I had done to my boyfriend friend, which begs the question, can someone seriously fall out of love from one day to the next? Or am I letting my anxiety get the best of me.
Last night, I felt a tingling sensation coarse through my body. I twitched voluntarily in an attempt to shake that weird ticklish sensation off.