Posted on here recently, I went out for my best friend's Birthday last night, for some reason since the moment I knew it was coming up I was anxious about how I would feel that Night, I'm going through I guess a relapse recently after a short good spell for about a Month.
Anyways, so, yesterday all day at work the physical sensations were absolutely outrageously bad, particularly the sensations in and around my head, spasms and pins and needles everywhere around my head, neck, face basically nervous system going absolutely crazy.
I still went to the night out after work, had a short pit stop at home had a quick bath etc n then I left as he arrived to pick me up, basically from the moment I was walking to his car I was in a bad way, even though I tried telling myself to calm down I felt I couldn't this time it just didn't work.
On the way to his house I had not a panic attack but at least a pretty nasty anxiety attack, it shook me as I was now stuck with it all couldn't go back now, and for the rest of the night when we got to town, went in the club, it's all I could concentrate and focus on all night, I did try to snap out of finally towards the end but it was just to nasty and I was to far gone.
On the way home I had an even worse anxiety attack in the taxi, by the time I got home my head felt absolutely terrible, I wasn't even remotely tipsy let alone drunk!
I've been on a few nights out this year and never been that bad on any of them, in fact last time I went out was during a period where I was good considering.
After over a year it feels right now like still my brain isn't learning, (or I'm not) despite me working every day, seeing friends, trying to do all the things I used to do before my anxiety got this bad, and knowing it can't kill me or make me go mad, that it still see's these feelings as a threat and continues to produce them.
I feel battered, upset, guilty, that I've lost another battle in myself, confused, scared.
Why is it, that my mind no matter how many times I face this thing, I go out despite it, I do things despite it, I work despite it, I've felt like it soooo many times and no harm comes to me that my brain just won't learn it's not a threat and let it go?
Thanks for your help in advance.
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Richy626
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7 Replies
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Hello
You certainly did not loose any battle , you won ! as despite how you felt you still went out so please put those feelings down , that is the anxiety trying to keep control and not what you actually achieved and well done
OK so last night was not the best , but you had sort of geared you self up that it was not going to be with all the worry beforehand , something we all do or shall we say anxiety gets us to do but in time you will slowly learn how to change your thinking and prevent that from happening , you are really tough on yourself and should learn how to be kinder to yourself , anxiety does have it' up's and downs part of the course and you would not recognize or have anything to compare it with if the down's did not happen now and again so just keep it simple , and say last night not great but I still did it , next time well who knows except I know anxiety won't stop me trying
When we are suffering with anxiety it takes time allow yourself all the time you need and make sure you bank those good times and get them out when a blip comes along so you know it has not all been bad and that you have and are making progress
You're right I'm way to tough on myself it's a massive issue of mine!
Right now I don't feel like trying as the anxiety has pushed me back, and made me afraid of trying more then it has done in a while, it's like "i don't want to have to go through that again!!"
No different from any other day I guess it was just that much worse this time then it has been for a while!
OK that is fine at the moment you need time to get over that experience which can leave us feeling what is the point , I don't want to try any more this feels like to much like hard work , so if you feel like this for now then don't let that worry you because as they say " This to shall pass " and when you have given yourself time trust me you will move forward again and you will try again
Think of when you was a kid , when those stabilizers get took of , how many times do we fall of ? well unless you were a clever clogs I would imagine quite a few times and sometimes when we got a nasty bang from falling of the tears would come and we would say I am not trying any more but when we had got over the shock we did until eventually we were speeding of think of this the same , you fell of , you feel wounded and once that wound heals which it will then you will give it another go , meanwhile just be kind to yourself , accept it is ok to have bad days , bad weeks even months if that is what happens but at the same time try and believe that good one's will be round the corner to
So if today ain't that good then accept it and make the most of whatever it throws at you and one thing I can guarantee is you will get through it , you may not like it but you will survive and eventually the bad days will be less and the good days will be more x
I'm sorry you went through that ☹️ And I feel your pain.
Sometimes just pushing through the symptoms isn't really accepting it, I'm not a great writer but I will try my best to explain - when you feel the symptoms/anxiety etc. you need to not tell your self it's ok don't worry bla bla but rather accept the feelings let them be don't fight them float with them. In the car ride for example you could have let your body flop and sink into the seat completely relax it, tell the sensations they are welcome to pass through you.
I hope that makes sense it is very hard to explain and also to practice.
Another thing to remember is you will get times of anxiety it's impossible to never have feelings of stress as it's a natural function of the body so don't get disheartened if you have been feeling good and then get an out of the blue episode just let it be, like having a cold they come on from time to time and they go.
In your recovery you will get setbacks that sometimes get you back to square one but that is when you must continue to practice acceptance and persevere.
What else are you doing for your recovery? Medication, therapy, exercise, meditation, vitamins or diet changes? You may need to look into that also.
Have you read the 2 books most commonly mentioned on here by Clair weekend and Dare by Barry McDonough, they explain the methods I tried to explain above.
Anyway here I am a fellow anxiety friend preaching, I need to take my own advice hehe. But one thing I've been trying my best to do is not fight my intrusive scary thoughts and not react to them I think it makes a huge difference, and flopping the body really helps too 😊
Ultimately I convinced myself I was gonna get worse due to things getting really bad at work couple of weeks ago, I believed my anxiety would get worse due to that and here I am alot worse!
I actually have a book on Acceptance therapy and I am about half way through it, I find it incredibly difficult to accept the sensations and feelings as I know I'm not going mad or dying so find it upsetting that they still continue, somehow I need to find a way!
You're right can't stop stress from happening, I just sometimes hate how it effects my body n how I feel these days as it never used 2 effect it in this way.
I'll admit I hardly exercise at all, I did buy multivitamins but gave up on them quickly as after a couple of weeks felt no different, medication I'm on zopiclone for sleep, phernagens, and most recently beta blockers as of last Month, you may see from previous posts I had absolutely terrible reactions to anti-depressants!
Ive just begun therapy again with my old counsellor, group therapy ended some time ago with the community mental health team, and they discharged me.
Thanks again, oh and you name it I've had it with the physical symptoms at some point haha, I get spasms all over my head! Xx
Oh and I forgot to ask you a question? The head symptoms you talk about, do you feel like a spasm in your head? I get those ant the back of my head and neck, they really freak me out! Sometimes I feel lucky me it's my pulse that suddenly does one big pulse
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and sometimes when we got a nasty bang from falling of the tears would come and we would say I am not trying any more but when we had got over the shock we did until eventually we were speeding of 
IN YOUR FACE ANXIETY!!
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My anxiety! :)
Relapse. Help!
